20.4.08

My Tongue Is A Leaf and Space Is Worthless (Part I and Part II and Part III Part IV and Part V and Part VI)

I.

If I could step outside myself spectrally,
like people do on television when they need to appraise their situation through detachment,
I would make out with myself then stab a hole in my throat and fuck the hole and cum out through my mouth.
But, I don’t know,
maybe that’s just me.

II.

Nobody is my friend.
The first thing I do when I enter my room is lock the door.

Sometimes I don’t eat dinner because I am worried someone will kill me if I leave my room.

I have vertigo & my ears permanently ring.
I always feel like I’m going to pass out on the floor.
I am better than you at eating lunch and being nice.
But I won't defend myself ever.

III.

Lately, whenever I am around a group of humans I worry that they will enact a series of events beyond my control that will end in my death. And feeling that way energizes me. But it is weird to always be readying myself to kill whoever tries to kill me. That’s seems like an unusual preoccupation.
I will admit it is not always fun.

IV.

I will piss on your birthday cake and piss on your face while you are sleeping and when you wake up I will pin you with my eyes and continue to piss until I am finished.
You will feel changed by it in some way.

V.

Group sex and routine candle branding and I am the very very tip of your laugh.

VI.

Today I climbed the tree that stands over the view of the highway. And I watched cars.
I thought about pushing someone to the ground and looking at them.