9.6.08

LAZY, PROLONGED, INDIRECT SUICIDE

When I’m brushing my teeth I get worried that I’ll swallow some toothpaste and die.
Then I think, “Why am I worried about that? I don’t really have any plans.”
Look at all the dead personalities.
The internet has cancer.
I am walking through a field host to a mass suicide.
Suicide survivor.
Yesterday I ate a lunchable while watching mortal kombat on the Spanish channel and then I drank water straight out of the tap while watching my neighbor water her plants through my window.
I like my dog.
He’s nice.
Sometimes I wish he could talk so we could discuss current events.
But then I worry that he would say purely objective things without the intent to insult me.
Like:
Your body is smelly
Or
You are not interesting to me at all and I can understand why no one wants to hang out with you.
If there was a god, when it saw me, it’d be all embarrassed like someone who left a weird message on someone else’s answering machine while really drunk.
I must be a piece of dust because I make your eyes water and try to push me away.
I am insanely horny and I want to fuck my pillow but I am too shy to ask it out.
Here are two “yo mama” jokes I just made up:
1. Yo mama is just like Magic Johnson because the both got AIDS from me
2. Yo mama is so nice, she made me some cupcakes and they were good and we had a nice time together eating the cupcakes and I like her.
Yesterday I walked by the Chicago Police Department Training Headquarters and I passed three cops walking down the sidewalk and one of them was gesturing to the others like he was putting something into a jar and I heard him say, “yeah, the one guy was like, ‘what’s that sound?’ and then I was like, ‘relax, I’m putting your brain back in’.”
My day felt different after that.

6 comments:

jereme said...

I watch the spanish channels frequently when I smoke calming things.

And the game show network. Watching "Jokers Wild" and "Press Your Luck" is the best.

TTB said...

6/11 is tomorrow.

sam pink.

6/11 is a brand new day.

By sting.

Brandon said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Brandon said...

last time i was in chicago i saw three police officers at three donut shops. One of them had what appeared to be cranial jelly all over his fat face, so perhaps he didnt really put the brains back in after all.

sam pink said...

i hate you all

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