The next time you give birth to me I will curl up and strangle you before I am fully out.

I am a stupid idiot.

If I could live in a stand-up coffin in the middle of the woods with a water bottle near my mouth I would.
I would pee on my feet and not care.

I want to stand naked before a large group of people and shit on myself and then say “I am a human like you. Make room for me.”

When you yell at me I will remember the size of your mouth and then put something in your mouth that is just slightly bigger so your mouth splits open and you learn to make it smaller.

People tell me about things I have said or done around them in the past and I don’t remember any of it; it is fun to watch their smile get limp the more I refuse to remember.

Tonight I will sit in my room and make little cracks in my skeleton and then fill the cracks with tapwater and sit in the freezer until I am ready to come out.

I put butterknives in my mouth and acted like a walrus, which you liked until I told you that as a walrus, our mating takes place off the pack ice, remote from shore and that as a male I would display myself to you using teeth-clacking, clanging bell-like sounds, and whistles and that I would probably tap your skull with my teeth while we mated.

How many times do I have to prove that I am no different than an empty coke can skipping the highway?

Praise is step one to death.

Don’t look at me.

Make my skull into your showerhead.

You don't understand anything that I am saying but that's ok because I am looking for a friend who doesn't know anything.