27.7.08

YUM YUM I CAN"T WAIT TO DIE

hello. the jaguar uprising press is now selling my chapbook YUM YUM I CAN"T WAIT TO DIE. it is a long poem. it is completely new. none of it has been published anywhere. the cover is a picture of a man with a hole for a head eating his own eye. the jaguar uprising also affixed an american flag to the cover which makes me smile. i am totally american. actual i am birth-canalian because i am from a birth canal. when my mom gave birth to me she looked at me and said "oops". i am proud of this poem. it is not in my full length book. i feel like if i could get the book published, i would be done. this chapbook and then the book are everything i want to say. sam pink has meant a lot to me. i am going to post an essay soon about sam pink. it is an interesting story and explains a lot. i like the jaguar uprising. they have been really nice to me. i feel like if we ever hung out, it would be totally natural until i said something out of line and TTB gets up in my face and then the jaguar uprising's female accomplice would get up on the fringe of the ring and distract the referee while TTB hit me with a chair and then The Industry would apply his patented move where he grabs my butt so hard that i want to hide. the money that you pay for the book goes to their press. their press is a good thing. it is providing opportunities for people on the internet to say something and have a nice looking book. they make the books themselves. the uprising also has their own books for sale and there is a book by kendra grant malone that is really good. if you buy the book, then i suggest reading it and then throwing it at someone on the bus so the corner hits their forehead and then when they look at the book they will remember the name. i recently read the chapbook again and i still like it. that seems very important. as important as not forgetting to reference the most adorable wrestler of all time, THE GOLDEN BEAR (the...golden...bear).

here is a review of the chapbook by ryan manning that he wrote before reading the book:

sometimes after masturbating i feel very sleepy but force myself to
stay awake in order to clean up the mess. sam pink seems like someone
who would fall asleep immediately after masturbating, with his erect
penis in his hand. naked, alone, messy. unashamed.


also, here is a picture of TTB holding the book. he probably just read it and had a spontaneous pant-shitting orgasm. his life now means nothing and he just wants to ride it out.


18 comments:

ryan manning said...

it's damn mystic

sam pink said...

so mystic.

jereme said...

fuck yes

good job

birth canalian

good one

The Golden Bear said...

I am so mystically offended that I was not name dropped in this post.

alex said...

beautiful

Marcos said...

I'm going to get one, Sam. And I want a copy of your book, too. I'm glad you've achieved a sense of completion with your time as Sam Pink. Writing under pseudonyms is awesome because it enables you to transcend yourself, which is something most neurotic and self-obsessed authors never manage to do. Maybe I'll start writing as Gaping Michael.

Long Live Sam Pink!

TTB said...

I am the MYSTIC one.

WATCH tonight.

As "MYSTIC MOMENT"

Debuts!

TWO TEARS BOYE
(two....tears....boye)

TTB is
the
transcendental, transgressor of beatitude brother. You know what I mean?
TTB be truly today's best.
Dig?

Daniel Bailey said...

i just ordered it. i can't wait to read the most patriotic book of the year.

sam pink said...

dan, when you open the book, a rib sandwich falls out and there's a little speaker that plays "born in the usa"

i wrote the book after huffing a bunch of ether.

here's a recipe for ether, not to be used recreationally but only for scientific purposes:

buy one can of starter fluid. this can be found at any car store.
buy one bottle of water.
this can be found at any water store.
empty out half of the water bottle.
spray the rest of the water bottle full of starter fluid.
you will then notice that the liquids divide into two colorless yet distinct portions.
siphon off the first half and the bottom half is pure ethyl ether.
you can pour it on a rag and smell it if you want to feel normal while licking dust off of your garage floor.

jereme said...

ebook

ryan manning said...

the link for ttb is fucked

TTB said...

is it fucked?

or has ttb become something bigger than any of you have ever thought.......

just wait for the mystic moment.

its going to be the internet, literary, sarcastic, beautiful version of MTVs "The Hills."

You won't be able to deny it.


Dance with my stars.

gena said...

shitbook

Ben Spivey said...

So, I've read your stuff at No-Posit, and Titular. Good job, I like it a lot.

daryl said...

daryl worked harder than anyone in america and he was not mentioned anywhere in sam pink's post,

*it should be noted that the jaguar uprising also work

sam pink said...

hi ben spivey. thank you.

daryl, i apologize. you may now post malevolent things about me on the internet. if you update the "i like it" blog then i will link you.

albie said...

I fear The Golden Bear. Should I? I do good things! I'm nice to people who are also nice?

I SHOULDN'T fear The Golden Bear.

I SHOULDN'T!

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