12.8.08

3 THINGS

1.
Yesterday I was walking down the street and I came to a four-way intersection. There was a car stopped in front of the crosswalk. A girl in the passenger side looked out the window at me. She put her thumbs in her ears and stuck her tongue out. I smiled at her and waved my hand. She laughed really hard and the car drove away. I stood in the street watching the car drive into the horizon. I let my smile drop. I reached into my pocket and pulled out a detonator and clicked it, laughing. Then I realized it was just one of those pens with a clicking device on the end and that I hadn’t even attached an explosive to the car. 0 for 2, I thought.

2.
When I was younger I told my dad that I wouldn’t be happy until I saw someone dumping dirt onto his coffin. And that I wouldn’t be happy until I danced on his grave. I was totally lying though because I have no clue how to dance.

3.
The next time I go to get a physical examination at the doctor’s office, and the doctor has his/her hands on my balls, I am going to run my hand through his/her hair and say, “You know I love you babe. Let’s never fight again.”

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the jaguar uprising returns. the industry has lost it. ttb is more mystical than i can handle.

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blurbs for CLONE are up. that one guy who wrote paradise lost has declined. what a fucker.

12 comments:

DOGZPLOT said...

2) you're a better man than i am. giving him a grave. i left my father's ashes at the county builing sitting on some shelf in a cardboard box. and i'm a decent dancer.

sam pink said...

i want to filled with stones and dropped into the atlantic.

Alicia Pernell said...

my rice tastes too much like ketchup.

KEN BAUMANN said...

god this is so good

sam pink said...

hi alicia. there is no way out except for suicide.

ken, you are so good. at being ken baumann. you ken baumann you.

Drew Kalbach said...

ah number three was great.

Brandi Wells said...

i read these outloud to a two year old. ENLIGHTENED.

sam pink said...

brandi, i am glad there is now a two year old that (i was about to say "has a little bit of me inside it" but then i didn't because that is wrong even for me, so i won't, oh shit i did anyway, oh well, whatever, i mean, it's just a joke anyway, who cares, i mean, oh shit, the fbi is going to fucking get me, fuck, alright be cool man be cool, there's some money underneath my bed and i have friends in mexico, fine alright, good, i have to move quick though, shit, there's a van out front, fuck alright no problem, i will go out through the back way and dash towards the nearest car i can steal, this is going to require deftness and clarity of mind but i can do it, i can do it, i just have to be cool, no one will get me alive, never, that's just not gonna happen man, not this cat, no way, fuck, alright, i need to phone my woman and tell her to pack my shit for me, get my shotgun and load it, the fuzz will probably follow me the whole way, that's cool though, those pigs can hang with me, fuck, it's now or never, why, why did i make an obscene comment, oh well, no need to dwell on that, there's only me and that big open road man, and i'm not gonna be the fall guy because brandi wells ruined a two year olds mind and set me up for a perfect joke)

TTB said...

NEW TTB PROMO!

ITS MYSTIC ITS DAMN MYSTIC!!


DEAL WITH IT.

THE JAGUARS ARE CHANGING!

BlogSloth said...

Couldn't you at least try to dance, I mean, in that situation. Like a break-dance?

sean

sam pink said...

maybe i will do that one dance where you move your arms around in front of you like you are stirring a cauldron.

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