1.10.08

PREORDER MY BOOK YOU FUCKING IDIOT

you can now preorder my book I AM GOING TO CLONE MYSELF THEN KILL THE CLONE AND EAT IT. if you order it and you want me to come live with you, email me. i am serious. i hate my life.

also, i have received word that all chapbooks should be out and arriving shortly. if you don't get it soon, email me.

also, i write here now.

33 comments:

Henry Charles said...

This shit seems off the chiznains.

DOGZPLOT said...

sam. two things.

1. the link dont work.

2. i figured out our pube dilema. lets ask people to send you their pubes in a baggie, then at awp we can set out a giant bowl of mixed pubes and people can pinch out a few and spread them out amongst the pages of CLONE.

sam pink said...

HENRY CHARLES, FRANKLY SPEAKING, YES, IT IS OFF THE CHIZNAINS.

BARRY, I FIXED IT. AND YES, MY BOYHOOD DREAM OF STICKING MY HAND IN A BOWL OF PUBES WILL FINALLY BE REALIZED.

DOGZPLOT said...

ahhhhhh. you have the giant bowl of pubes dream too. niiiice.

sam pink said...

what if people donate their pubes, like, if they were going to shave them off or trim them anyway, and then we make a really long beard out of the pubes and i run around kissing people on the mouth and yelling at them to buy the book.

your thoughts.

jereme said...

i am done preordering shit from small presses. it is too unreliable.

i will order it though once i have heard people actually get their books after ordering.

i have heard the 'it'll be out soon' statement before. i will believe it when a chapbook is in my hands.

i am not being an asshole. just pointing out truths.

shit gets real. i understand.

i will donate my pubes. i am about to trim them anyways. give me an address.

you know you want my red pubes.

Daniel Bailey said...

i don't have a place to live anymore. let's build a compound in the desert and kill ourselves.

sam pink said...

i'm there.

DOGZPLOT said...

sam:
what about a goatee.
i think people avoid bearded people.
if you rock a goatee people will love you and embrace you and let you get close enough to their cheeks for your pubes to scratch their faces up and maybe get in their blood stream and alter their genes forever.

jereme:
thank you for offering up your pubes. we will accept all donations. any suggestions how you would like us to distribute them.
also. i agree about the chapbook pre-ordering. i am currently waiting on 3 chapbooks.
however. CLONE is not a chapbook. and this is not our first publication. there are lots of folks holding and touching and eating off of our publications.

jereme said...

dogzplot person thing

okay i am sold. i will 'believe in magic' just like ronald mcdonald told me the day he diddled my 5 year old penis in the ball pit at the mcdonald's in sherwood, or

i am serious. i will send some pubes. i don't give a fuck.

i will even send some beard hair to authenticate the pube hair.

it is all about the beard.

rock the fucking beard.

sam pink said...

i want you to know that you are making a difference by sending us your pubes.

DOGZPLOT said...

that settles it then. a pube beard.

i wonder if ronald mcdonald will give us some of his pubes. his cardinal red will compliment jereme's fire red and my copper red. fuck yes.

ronald fucking mcdonald.

gena said...

sam, please write a poem about pubes and dedicate it to me but don't mention my name in it because i would rather not be mentioned in a poem about pubes

Henry Charles said...

the asian ryan manning

sam pink said...

what if in the poem i refer to you as "Pube Lady Dearest"


the asian screech

Drew Kalbach said...

i am shaving my pubes as we speak. well we aren't speaking, but as i type this, i am shaving my pubes. it is a shower of brown/black curlies. i will bag a few. i feel like somebody should wear my pubes on their face, male or female, i'm not sure i really care. there will be pubes on faces. i think this should get done.

Socrates Adams-Florou said...

I will float away on a beautiful pubic sea
I will put pubes into a thin onion soup
I will suck pubes from the soup
I will contract pubonic plague
I will make a moustache out of pubes
I am pretty hot right now

jereme said...

send me an address

holy shit i am excited. i am finally collaborating with other writers

i feel special and unfettered

red pubes unite!

Anonymous said...

All my pubes are finger thick and rainbow coloured. They each have seperate dreams when I sleep. I can access them when I'm ill.

albie(just saw a swamp and got scared of the moss)

DOGZPLOT said...

better idea. i think people should take pictures of themselves shaving their pubes and we can hand them out as postcards to people who order. we can put them all on display along with a tiny pube sample from each contributor.

word.

i believe in magic. and i hope you do.

Matt DeBenedictis said...

I believe in magic, that is why I cant send any pubes. I believe in this book so I ordered it. I hope it makes my penis bigger, but not too big. I can't afford to invest in new pants.

Rob said...

Best blog post title ever. Hoping the book lives up...

DOGZPLOT said...

you should order 4 of them and find out rob (lauren)

thanks for ordering matt - since you are the first official orderer of the book i will let you decide how you would like to receive your complimentary pubes. spaced equally between the pages. stuffed in a dime bag. rubbed against your
face in the form of sam's pube beard, or hidden inside a ham and cheese sandwich.

DOGZPLOT said...

oops. it was rob, not lauren.

in that case order 7.

they will be be cheaply bound, cost 30 dollars, and sam will not receive any complimetary contributor copies.

Drew Kalbach said...

pubonic plague. classic.

i have a fever. the only cure? sam pink's pubic hair liquefied and injected directly into my aorta.

sam pink said...

i am lol-ing intensely.

drew, i really liked the author's note you typed on the chapbook website. i look forward to the chapbook.

barry, just glue-stick a bunch of notecards to a brick and charge 50 bucks for it. i don't give a shit about my readers at all.

rob, i spent a lot of time making sure each line in the book makes the reader feel like someone cut underneath their tongue with a razor and pissed in the wound.

matt, unlike my gym teacher, i will not disappoint you.

sam pink said...

paperhero should make a video where we all throw money around and girls shake their asses at the camera and then i drive up in an escalade and my grill says "yucky". then barry starts spraying a King Cobra forty all over. then drew kalbach walks out and gets his head cut off by a ceiling fan and his severed head says "this is nothing to lol about" then barry punts drew kalbach's severed head into a pile of jereme's pubes and blake butler makes a cameo wearing a fur coat made out of pussy hair and then it ends with me coming on katie couric's face and she says, "paperhero, and it won't stop, because it can't stop"

gena said...

you can refer to me as that

Matt DeBenedictis said...

DOGZPLOT-

I was kind of hoping I could have the pubes glued to a picture of Patrick Stewart with the talking bubble statement "I am the pube genie. I hope your wish is pubes."

DOGZPLOT said...

MATT:

you have chosen wisely. consider it done.

gena said...

pube orgy

olivia robin said...

from now on i'm going to utilize the sam pink method of self promotion

i will say things like "preorder my book you fucking idiot"

i'm going to simultaneously become a famous artist and influence my reputation as a badass, this plan is foolproof

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