1. holy ass! here is the chapbook cover for ja tyler's new chapbook EVERYONE IN THIS IS EITHER DYING OR WILL DIE OR IS THINKING ABOUT DEATH. i did the picture and barry graham designed it.

2. i still can't slam dunk a basketball. i just checked.

3. also, i am kind of alarmed that i keep forgetting to brush my teeth before i go to sleep.

4. here is a gchat i had with daniel bailey:

daniel: goddamit
i am really drunk
me: hell yeah
daniel: i just won 2 free packs of cigarettes
me: i was just worrying to myself, "is daniel bailey drunk right now"
nice what kind
daniel: camel lights
anthen another kind of camels
that unleashes menthol
when you reoll the shit or soetig shiw
me: soetig shiw
daniel: yeah
or something
me: soetig shiw sounds like a swedish death metal band
daniel: i am prteyy drunk me and my borther and going to start a band
the name is
me: i saw a huge woman on a motorized vehicle at the grocery store
daniel: the name is two babies trying to fuck without boners
me: haha
"i was at their first show man"
daniel: it will be intense and bagha bagha
shit i am too drunk
do you ever have those nights
where you think "at least 3 girls in this bar are ready to have sex with me"
and then they all leave early
me: oh mang
talk to them early on
otherwise they are like, "he doesn't want to bang me and i am going to leave early because of that"
daniel: oh know shit
me: but you gotta be like, "oh yes, yes i do. if it is ok with you we can bang each other"
daniel: i thought at least 1 of them would be there longer
me: go with the long look at least
where it's like, they know you are thinking about sex and that you might politely ask them to bang.
daniel: i did the long look
me: and nothgin?
daniel: nothing
me: you should have been like "soetig shiw"
daniel: hahah
i should said that outloud into a microphone
fuck yes
did i mention the band name for the band me and my brother are about to start
we are going to start a band called called "two babies trying to fuck without boners"
me: yeah dude
daniel: fuckin a
i want to do hiphop
me: hip hop
daniel: i want to hip hop the fuck out of the world
me: "daniel bailey, smelling dead like lane staley, can't fade me, i traded eyeballs with an israeli"
daniel: hahaha shit yes
s my d to the nth degree
all you motherfuckas with ya dicks in th pee
shit to the balls ass to the walls
i'm gonna erupt ya face
i don't have anything after after that
you should rap instead of me
me: can my name be "m.c. sacksmooch"
daniel: hahaha

5. here is an idea i had the other day. i made a diagram of how to sew yourself into a quilt.

i think this is a good idea because it allows you to lie down on someone without that someone getting upset. also, if you hate your life and want to float away like a flying squirrel then this is the way to go.

6. i got my copy of GREAT the other day. it looks really nice. i am proud of 'brando' scott gorrell and chelsea martin.

7. order YIPPEE magazine from alicia pernell.

8. die motherfucker die motherfucker die motherfucker die


ken baumann said...

3. What the hell is going on, I am forgetting, too.

Let's alert somebody.

Daniel Bailey said...

god, i was fucking belligerent.

sam pink said...

soetig shiw

Daniel Bailey said...

here is a text i sent to my brother that night: "i just 2 ffee p:cks of cogareytes"

gena said...

marshmallows make me angry

so do pudding pies sometimes

word verification is "derhe", which is the sound you make when you are getting your brains devoured by zombies in cold weather

sam pink said...

"cogareytes" are shotgun cartridges filled with the broken shells of m&m's left at the bottom of a bag.

Matt DeBenedictis said...

That cover looks like what jesus should look like, but he doesn't because mother fuckers never die. NEVER.

sam pink said...

i don't get why it was important to learn cursive in grade school.

lisa ladehoff said...

i learned how to write in cursive.

this post was funny. i liked daniel's 'shit to the balls ass to the walls'; is his lp platinum yet?

word verification: gamat; the retarted, forgotten brother of the 'gauntlet'

phonetic x-men

Montgomery Maxton said...

last night in my vodka-induced rage of puking i was lying on the bathroom floor thinking to myself "what the hell did sam pink do today..."

sam pink said...

montgomery maxton, you have a problem.

the word verification is "vumbut" which is pronounced "voomboo" and is the preparatory secretion of the northwestern mosquito when lining corpses with larvae.

DJ Berndt said...

I want to get drunk with Daniel Bailey.

Socrates Adams-Florou said...

Word Verification = EXORICIA

It's a type of porn that is concerned with priests fucking the people that they are exorcising.

jereme said...

i tried to fly away. it didn't work sam.

another disappointment. fall expectations are consistent at least.

untscre is my secret word.

untscre *some one else put something witty here because i don't really give a fuck anymore*
thank you to the person(s) defining unstscre. i appreciate your effort.

jereme said...

false expectations

fall is almost gone

Phronk said...

Drunkeness is even funnier in writing than it is in reality.

My word verification is "Stalici", which is just like that movie where Sylvester Stallone is always yelling "Stalici! STALICI!!!!"

Oh wait I'm thinking Adrian.

sam pink said...


freefun0616 said...