28.12.08

BARRY GRAHAM IS NOT A DICKHOLE

i finished editing I AM GOING TO CLONE MYSELF THEN KILL THE CLONE AND EAT IT. barry graham helped edit it. he is the editor for PAPERHERO PRESS. first, let me say: if you just read barry's name and thought, "what a dickhole," then please read on. when i finished the manuscript, i thought "no one will ever love this." then i looked at the manuscript and thought, "no one will ever love this either." noah cicero had told me to send it out. he told me to send it to the lady who published his book TREATISE (which is really good). the lady emailed me back that she had read half on a plane somewhere and really liked it and that it would make a good addition to her publication. then she never emailed me back or responded to me. i assume she evaporated and became the wetness on the window of a very lonely old man with bad knees. i really liked her. noah then told me of a press called COOKIE TREE PRESS. i somehow found barry graham's email and thought he was the editor. i sent him a sort of query. the query was something like, "hey uh, is it ok if the manuscript is stupid?" he said to send it. then i found out he wasn't the editor. i sent the manuscript to a few places and still haven't heard back. blake butler (not necessarily a dickhole in a bad way) posted about the manuscript one day. he had recently fallen asleep next to a broken refrigerator and was high on freon. after he posted, barry graham emailed me and wanted to know if he could see it for a chapbook collection which PAPERHERO PRESS does as well. i told him it was 30,000 words long and is that the right length for a chapbook? he said no. i emailed him back asking if i could send him the whole manuscript to see if he knew of any presses (i don't know anything about presses). i sent him the manuscript and the next day or maybe the day after that, he said he had started a new press and wanted to use I AM GOING TO CLONE MYSELF THEN KILL THE CLONE AND EAT IT for the first release. i waited to respond. i went for a walk along the highway. i wanted a car to hit me because i thought the car would explode. then i walked off the highway and a fox stared at me. i stared at the fox and the fox ran away. i wanted the fox to attack me so i could kill it. it didn't. i emailed barry back something about how FSG was really interested but PAPERHERO could have the manuscript. then in a few days we made a cover. then we started editing. honestly, barry is the shit with the editing. he said up front that nothing had to be changed but he would make suggestions. i feel like that was a good way to make me be like, "i will now consider his changes more sincerely." nice work barry, you dickhole, you tricked me. we went through six versions of the book. now i feel that it is much better. barry is really honest in a way that makes me feel good. i feel the same emotions towards someone who says, "this sucks" in honesty, as someone who says, "this is good" in honesty. here is a typical email barry had to deal with:

yo barry, wuddup mang. just so you know, the deal is FUCKING OFF if the paper for the book isn't manufactured from a one hundred year old red wood with a hippy living in it. also, is there any way to make ink out of an endangered rhino's semen? you better fucking find out. also, if we go to awp, i demand that you strap books to you back and let me ride around on you distributing them. i own you barry. you're mine. don't fuck this up if you want to sell upwards of 15 books.

cheers.

i am feeling alright writing this. i think i am writing it so more people will send manuscripts to paper hero press. please send work to barry. he knows more than me and is very sincere about publishing books. go to the paper hero website or the achilles chapbook website and purchase some books. they are cheap. and barry maybe touched them all so you can put the book by your face when you are sleeping and act like someone loves you. i don't know what i am talking about. i have to take a shit. i woke up today and looked at myself while pissing and thought, "you are an ugly fuck." i love you barry!

15 comments:

Drew Kalbach said...

barry is the bestest guy in the whole wide world.

i am naming my second child after barry.

sam pink said...

i named my grandma "drew kalbach"

DOGZPLOT said...

thanks for this sam.

I AM GOING TO CLONE MYSELF THEN KILL THE CLONE AND EAT IT is a fucking amazing book and i really believe in what you do and how you do it. if i never pubish another full length book again, i am absolutely honored to have published this one.

thanks for taking a chance on a small press with an editor that people think is a dickhole. i appreciate it.

xtx said...

this entry made me love barry for some reason. i want to make him ejaculate with my mouth.

when i write my chapbook, i'll give him a call.

hi sam. i miss you.

Matt DeBenedictis said...

I'm pro-dickhole. I just want to go on record stating this. Every dickhole I've been in contact with has been a substantial person. Dickholes make things happen.

sam pink said...

barry, give me a hug you bastard.

xtx, i think if you ask nicely, barry will ejaculate into your mouth. if you two arrange this, film it and email me it.

matt, my dickhole has chapped lips.

i am stupid.

everything is dying.

Brad Green said...

i love sam pink.

i agree with everything you said about barry as an editor. i like how he makes you see that you are wrong without thinking, man that editor is an asshole.

Drew Kalbach said...

this post has too much love

i will say something mean:

anybody named 'drew kalbach', especially sam pink's grandmother, is a piece of shit

barry 4 president

gena said...

tl;dr

sam pink said...

brad green, yesterday i thought the words, 'brad green.'

drew, barry is eternal love and light and he brings with him eternal love and light.

gena, hell nah.

BLAKE BUTLER said...

who said that man B is a dickhole

sam pink said...

i think i somehow created the sense that someone did call him a dickhole but the reality is that i was just asserting otherwise should someone be considering calling him that.

DOGZPLOT said...

i am a dickhole.

'enestoro'

ancient italian verb meaning. the action of licking one's mother's fallopian tube from the inside out

Anonymous said...

I stuck a pen down my dick to increase my wankery, now it hurts deep down deep in my pelvic bags.

But I will survive as I took Iggy Pop's advice to get insured.

albie

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