14.2.09

AWP

i touched my book last night. i was at a reading and a russian man named dimitri asked me if he could buy it and it was the only copy i had and i gave it to him. i felt good but then bad when i had no money for food. he was very nice to me and so was his girlfriend. he asked me to sign the book and i felt like i would never be good enough for anyone. i think i misspelled a word that i wrote in the book for him. we took a picture and i put both of my thumbs up in the picture so that people will know that i have two thumbs. i think dimitri read what i wrote and then said, "wait, you're not brett easton ellis? fuck this." i met gene morgan. he was cool as hell. he gave me some tequila that tasted like kerosene. gene morgan is about nine foot three i think. at one point, he ripped a building out of the ground and played the open windows like a harmonica. when i read on the train, i kept falling forward because of the train bumping and gene kept pushing me back up. it was fun. i met blake butler. we drank some beer at the hotel bar and then blake butler became the funniest motherfucker. walking around chicago, he screamed random lines. i think i remember him saying, "america is the best town ever." he read on the train and it was fucking cool. i bought his book and i read half of it in a room where eight other people were watching WALKER TEXAS RANGER. me and blake were walking down the street and he yelled, "what's up america let's get some jobs up in here." and then gene morgan yelled it too and everyone started yelling about jobs. i laughed really hard. i met daniel bailey. we drank out of a flask he brought to awp. i kept asking daniel bailey what was in the flask and he kept saying, "'early times' i already said that." daniel bailey, still the hottest hunk ever. i met gena mohwish. she was very nice. she had nice shoes one night. the other night i don't remember the shoes. maybe they were nice. i met jereme dean. he's fucking cool. before i introduced myself, i followed him around and bothered him for a dollar or some change. in his defense, he was about to give it to me. we went to the shedd aquarium and looked at giant crabs. jereme said he was going to sleep overnight in one of the tents they had set up and then an employee gave us a look like, "ah hell nah." i met shane jones. shane gave me possibly the best hug ever. and i consider myself a really good hugger. i bought his book and read it. i will talk about it later. i met barry graham. he was really nice. i bought his book. i will talk about it later. barry told me a really old man bought my book off of him. barry said the really old man walked up, looked at the book, read some of it, then bought it. i met ryan call. he was nice and also quiet. we had pizza together and he didn't try to kill me at all. that was nice of him. i met his sister, christy call. she was the nicest of all. she told me i was "regular" and i said something that probably was of very little import. she didn't try to kill me either. way to go christy! i met mike young. he is skinny and was wearing a badge of some sort. mike was really worried about getting to the train on time. his voice is kind of like cory feldman's. mike young was cool. at one point, we were eating pizza at a restaurant and the waitress said "wait i need to get some plates" and someone at our table said, "just serve it off my ass" and then mike young said, "that would be funny to say to the waitress while texting someone else" and then i laughed. i met adam robinson. he was cool. he tried to sell me crack but i already bought shane's book. then adam looked to the side and back at me and said, "look fuckface, i'm not asking, i'm telling." i read michael bible's chapbook MY SECOND BEST BEAR HUG and it was fucking cool. very sad to me. i bought VACATION and paid 20 dollars. when the guy at the mcsweeneys table said "20 dollars" i think i swallowed really hard and acted like i wasn't concerned. i met molly gaudry. every time she looked at me i felt like she was going to punch me. she is pretty. i met elizabeth ellen. i think she bought my book. she was really nice and smiled a lot. i met aaron burch. he was cool. his beard is nicer than mine. he shook my hand after the reading and the handshake felt good, not bad like when you meet someone's parents kind of bad. i met peter schwartz. he was really talkative and nice to me. he tried to poke my eye out with a KENYON REVIEW pen but i blocked it. i saw colin bassett. i was going to say hi but i started feeling nervous. he seemed nice. i met peter cavanaugh. he showed me a picture of someone vomiting foam out of his nose. it was awesome. then i think he told me his girlfriend was a mortal kombat champion. i didn't wear deodorant to awp so i kept my coat on a lot and that made me feel sweaty as fuck. the reading on the train was interesting. i think i didn't do good. after i read i sat down and held onto a metal pole. then i touched my eye and my eye stung really bad. i didn't sleep much so i probably looked tired. i think that's it. good times. chi city ballers.

37 comments:

Jimmy Chen said...

everything is okay. i feel that you don't feel that way. it's okay.

sam pink said...

hello jimmy chen. how you doin guy

Jimmy Chen said...

i feel like shit

sam pink said...

the worst part about feeling like shit is that it is always worse than before otherwise you wouldn't feel like shit because of it. reach for the stars jimmy chen and always eat breakfast!

Darby said...

thanks for writing this sam. it feels real in a nonreal real way and that is good and bad and mostly wonderful.

sam pink said...

hell yeah. it was humbling meeting so many nice talented people (who most likely were not cyborgs).

word verification: "sminhag" which is an evil witch from beowulf.

DOGZPLOT said...

sam, my man, where the hell are you bro. i had jereme and gena call. get your ass back to awp. im resting up right now, where you at. there were 85 honeys wanting you to stick it in there ass.

the vibe i was getting about your book from people at the bookfair was pretty fucking amazing. and this is real shit im about to say. i think everyone who picked it up just felt its force, felt that this was a book that could change theri lives, the history of humanity... this one kid wanted a copy so bad and he just gave his last dollar for a pack of gum and i made him show me his wallet to see if he was a liar, which would have made him unworthy, but he wasn't. so i made him trade the brand new pack of trident extra care. im chewing a piece now and i can feel my teeth brightening as i chew.

sam pink said...

barry, i thought you were going to be at the reading on friday. sometime after the reading, i had one of my "quickly run away from people for no reason other than some weird sense that i am about to die" feelings. i am a terrible person. now i am taking care of my sick dog. i am glad you hooked up the kid who spent his money on gum. i am also glad you made sure he wasn't lying. furthermore, i am glad you are brightening your teeth. i hope people like the book and have feelings of not being ugly while reading it. i am actually halfway through THE NATIONAL VIRGINITY PLEDGE (it is in my pocket as we speak) and i feel humbled. you are a talented man. no one writes about big macs like you. i really feel like i am failing a lot of people right now. i hope i am wrong. almost everyday i feel like this. like i didn't do enough for people and they are going to die and i won't be able to help them. i gave a homeless man ten dollars yesterday because i felt guilty and because i knew the shedd aquarium was free that day and i don't know what i am doing. probably in a few minutes i will regret everything i have ever done and then after that i will think i did everything right. it is kind of cold out. sometimes i go to the grocery store and walk around so i can be around people without having to talk. i think i remembered something that made me feel love towards my dad today. my dog is sick. he is almost ten. i am hoping that he will defy normal dog life and life until he is seventy human years old. i don't care if he is a pile of bones that i have to carry around with me in a small wagon i would do that. being a human is cool radical.

sam pink said...

barry i failed you

DJ Berndt said...

sam, do you know if there are pictures or videos or your reading?

DOGZPLOT said...

i really wanted to go to the train reading and i planned on it. but a friend of mine from some university was running a flash fiction slam competition at awp at 10 and i was one of the judges so i was afraid i wouldnt make it back in time.

that guy who bought the first book at awp. the 60 ish 70 ish year old man. stopped back on saturday and said he finished clone already and that it spoke to his soul deeper than bukowski. thats real shit son. you will dissappoint no one. clone will live forever.

sometimes i feel completely inadequate as its publisher. it deserves a much bigger budget than i can give it. i hope my love for it compensates. i feel the opposite of you. i feel like ive let you down and i apologize.

remebering things about your dad must be in the air for some reason. i was drunk rambling in a blues bar last night, like a twelve year old kid, about my mom and dad. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh

sam pink said...

dj, i think there is a video somewhere. ask mike young.

barry, all is good. i feel good. i just finished TNVP. i will discuss more later.

Mike Young said...

sam is the original gangsta

he said "niceness trumps lateness" which is true

adam robinson took video of the reading which i will try to acquire and post on HTMLGIANT soon

blythe winslow (http://www.blythewinslow.blogspot.com/) has footage of sam's part

when we left the train it was snowing

because sam pink controls the weather

Daniel Bailey said...

your reading was good. you looked like you were the singer in a hardcore band screaming from the pit. it was badass.

ken baumann said...

Wish I could've met everyone, and you Sam, but I was too busy wearing sunglasses.

For the entire length of AWP I sat on a patio table at a fancy beach boardwalk restaurant and bobbed my head to free jazz while pointing at throngs of naked women, rollicking in the ocean and touching each other. Everyone's teeth were white.

But, real talk: I'm serious. Hope to meet you soon, Sam.

elizabeth ellen said...

"that guy who bought the first book at awp. the 60 ish 70 ish year old man. stopped back on saturday and said he finished clone already and that it spoke to his soul deeper than bukowski. thats real shit son. you will dissappoint no one. clone will live forever."

this is true. i was standing at barry's table when the man said this. this was right after i told barry i wanted you to stick it in my ass. i read half your book yesterday morning and i am going to read the other half tonight. it's fucking amazing. i haven't been undone by a book like this in a very long time. i haven't come by an untrue sentence yet. i'm so glad i was on that train. you and blake and everyone else who read were fucking amazing. i am a pussy for not reading. i think i need to drink more.

DOGZPLOT said...

ee aint neva lied a day in her life. if you can stick it in her ass, you can stick it in anyone's ass. you better hold her to it. you should make sure she's reading clone while its going down and that can be a promo shot. can i get an amen?

Anonymous said...

fart my piles out.


albie

Matt DeBenedictis said...

I can't wait to touch your book. I will give it time to rest and enjoy its new home by letting it enjoy time beside some candles and low lit lights. Then I will break that book open and let my brain bleed.

sam pink said...

mike, at first i felt like saying "niceness trumps lateness" was dumb but then i saw a look on your face like when two people in a sitcom realize they undid each other's plans secretly.

daniel, that's exactly what i felt like, gene kept pushing me into the pit. i had the urge to just scream and throw myself into a group of people.

ken, we drew a huge picture of you and carried it around like you were there, weekend at bernies style.

elizabeth, hell yeah. you shoulda read. you were the kind of pretty that makes me be quiet.

barry, a-fucking men.

albie, bury my bellybutton hair

matt, if you touch my book it will scream until a passerby helps it.

word verification is "fropro" which is how i say "for sure" when my mouth is full of chips.

BLAKE BUTLER said...

it was the best

i feel actualized in my life as a result of hanging out with sam pink

i wish we had found a child to carry around together, both of us holding one or the other of his hands while he looks at shit

glad to finally have this CLONE book to hold and read in its final version power

ken baumann said...

Sam, I don't have Clone yet why don't I have Clone yet. I bought it with $$$. I'm eager.

Also, after seeing Gena's picture of you, I nominate you Toughest Looking Writer at AWP. The nomination is final, and the award immediate. Congratulations.

Now move to Los Angeles so I can pay you to be The Muscle. But also, The Brains. The Muscle Brains.

Really, though, two 16 year old girls stalked me at my house in a beat up Jetta. I feel weird.

Word verification: ligeneta, the Italian word for political homicide.

Anonymous said...

Pool snot in my temple.


albie

sam pink said...

blake, i glue-sticked your buttcheeks together when you were sleeping.

ken, i will protect you with my muscle brain. sixteen year old girls can be deadly.

albie, undo your spine suture and teach what it looks like to old deaf people.

mzreed said...

Hello?... Uh... Hello D- uh hello Dmitri? Listen uh uh I can't hear too well. Do you suppose you could turn the music down just a little?... Oh-ho, that's much better... yeah... huh... yes... Fine, I can hear you now, Dmitri.


fuck 24 comments
your not that cool sam pink
stop trying to fool people you trick

sam pink said...

hatred

Anonymous said...

ken:

sorry man, i was gonna mail them before i left for awp, but i ran out of time. i am back now and still half dead but feeling much better than yesterday, so i will mail them as soon as i get back from work, which is 7 pm, but then the mail will be closed so how does tomorrow look.

- bg

sam pink said...

you do not want to see ken baumann upset.

wagner israel cilio iii said...

i am looking at your picture and using your poetry as variable captions.

it looks like you are taking off your clothes and calling the photographer 'dicklicker' but erotically and not ironically.

yesterday i was laying in my bed listening to music and when i song came on i thought 'sam pink would be able to appreciate this as a unit of expression'. i would like to e-mail you the song somehow. you will see...

lisa ladehoff said...

now i feel stupid that i missed the train reading but i have been sick for two weeks and was trying to kill myself at the time and peter cavanaugh kept texting me and saying he was going to 'fully bail'

king cobra said...

i only "fully bailed" because i was pretty certain that the train was going to fall over or that i would have jumped out for no real reason. it was a pretty scary atmosphere at the station. that is a compliment to the readers. you should still feel stupid lissah

ken baumann said...

oh, shit, barry, take your time with it. recover from awp.

i'm eager, is all.

but, sam could be right; when i get angry my skin inverts and my innards are suddenly on my outards. i look like the They Live aliens if you have the special sunglasses on.

Anonymous said...

Shit my coccyx out and suck it back up with a muted ping noise.


albie

sam pink said...

i just saw that there were 33 comments and i did the tim allen thing where he goes "uugggh?"

Anonymous said...

Actually, I was spying on your via the subconcsious psychic leanings of an airborne virus and it was more like "Whahhhhh!"


albie(author of THE STINGING WINGS OF SHED)

Molly Gaudry said...

I would never, ever punch you, Sam. Count on it.

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