25.3.09

IS THERE A SUCH THING AS A 'REVERSE HEIMLICH MANEUVER'?

i sent the book of plays to NOEMI PRESS, who politely agreed to read it before the reading period for drama at their press. now i am feeling weird. i am going to start sending out the poetry book too. i think i feel good about both. manic-good. my goal is to constantly crush what i have done and make new things. anyway, merry christmas everyone. i think i asked greying ghost if they'd look at the poems but they haven't replied. i kind of want to just post the poems here but i really don't think people will read it. who knows. is it possible to be a bastard and a shithead? i want to live in Maine again. i also want to sit on the couch by the sliding glass door with the sliding glass door kind of open. i wish i woke up every morning to a note that says, "remember, you are not important." that kind of happens now. i keep fluctuating between wanting to hurt feelings and hurt people physically and wanting to be good. it's sad how much i suck ass. anyway merry christmas everyone. i don't think anyone thinks that mice are evil. is there a reverse heimlich maneuver. whenever i hit my toe against something i take a deep breath and prepare to look down and see it like broken to the side and shit. if that happened could i touch the bone and not feel it? i am horny as a bat lately. i don't know if bats are horny. if you were the moon i'd never fund a space program, that's an insult but i didn't want it to be too damaging. the other day i was standing in line at the store and i suddenly noticed i had produced a large amount of ass-sweat (henceforth "swass"). the swass made me think my water had broke and then i remembered i am a male. i could floss with my self-esteem. no joke. is it wrong that i am fantasizing about burning someone's ass with a cigarette while i have sex with them? anyway, merry christmas y'all. wait hold on, ok i am the uncle you never see because there is something slightly wrong with him. when i have to purchase groceries i actually consider suicide as a means to get out of it. it would be cool to commit suicide with a gun but like have the explosion freeze and then that would be your head forever. sometimes i don't look people in the eye because when i do i can actually feel the ugly move beneath my face. good lord motherfuckers. here is a closing line from the coolest motherfucker from chicago, TWISTA: "careful where you servin' yo blows because those hoes got the po-pos posin' as hoboes." and here is a closing line from another motherfucker, this time from new york, named BIG L:

I was taught wise, I'm known to extort guys
This ain't Cali, it's Harlem nigga we do walkbys
No one can match me, tax me or wax me
If you want me to write you some raps G just ask me
Cause on the shelf is where your LP cold stood
Because it was no good, that shit ain't even go wood
I'm not the type to take sluts out, I just fuck they guts out
Get my nuts out, then break the fuck out
Me being a virgin, that's idiotic
Cause if Big L got the AIDS every cutie in the city got it

here's another line i like from BIG L:

Step to this and get left with a face full of tears, pal
but man you've been rappin for years now
and ain't made a hit yet, you flop in a split sec
In the shower's the only time you get your dick wet

9 comments:

xTx said...

if you had water that broke, i would like to be there to catch your miracle baby.

jereme said...

it's called throat fucking.

'slap happy' comes to mind. those porns are hard to find now.

the bitch's bastard

somethingsomethingelse said...

twista's best line ever: "let me be your manager"

Mike said...

I think George (the animal) Steel usta do a reverse heimlich when he wasn't biting the turnbuckle.

Mike Young said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Mike Young said...

the official sam pink soda is BAT SWASS

good post sir

sam pink said...

everyone is lovely

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Randy Conner said...

I literally "LOLed" at this post. Also the fact that LOL is making its way into everyday speech makes me want to swan dive into a table saw.