4.3.09

YESTERDAY THIS DUDE TOLD ME HIS DAD STARTED PUNCHING HIM WHEN HE WAS THREE AND I SAID "OH COOL" WITHOUT REALLY THINKING ABOUT IT I SUCK

UPDATE: justin dobbs, who is really fucking cool, interviewed me here.

here are some things i keep thinking

1. i'd like to light my pants on fire and try to endure it
2. i'd like to punch myself in the mouth and knock out some teeth
3. i'd like to pull my closet door off (i could do this, i know it, i believe in myself)
4. i'd like elizabeth ellen to push me from a moving vehicle so my body hits a tree.

HOBART INTERVIEW

what are some good journals to send things to. i have a lot of stuff now. maybe i will just put it here who cares. does anyone want a book of poems or a book of plays i think they are done. i am pretty sure i have fucked them both up, not in a "i hate myself i'm so sad i'm pathetic" kind of way, more like a "no dude, you seriously made these worse" kind of way.

here are some titles i am considering for the poetry book

1. frowns need friends too
2. hurt your own feelings
3. inhaling tile cleaner = rad
4. how to cook crystal methamphetamine
5. official september 11th book
6. fuck you, dummy
7. how to be an awesome dude
8. fetal alcohol syndrome
9. i woke up facedown on my pillow and i thought the world was gone and i became a millionaire.
10. the koran
11. the middle-aged testament
12. the earth sniffed paint while it was pregnant with me
13. bitch tits

i worked on these poems for a long time. longer than usual. the book is basically three smaller books that i put together. i saved maybe like three lines from YUM YUM I CAN"T WAIT TO DIE so that book doesn't exist anymore. then i put two other books with it. it seems pretty good when i am alone in my room and it is 3 a.m. is 28,000 words too long for one poems? do tell.

the other book is plays. if you read the play in no colony or BE NICE TO EVERYONE, they are kind of like that. does anyone know who would publish them? they are more like short stories with dialogue tags and other shit. i think i will call it THE SELF-ESTEEM HOLOCAUST COMES HOME. holocaust is a word divested from history too so don't be a prick. here are some things that happen in the book, so you maybe like me more:

1. a man is killed when someone rolls up a car window on his neck
2. three policeman catch The Greatest Dad in the World and ask him questions.
3. an old man saw his head off in the hallway of an apartment building.
4. a girl at a halloween party dressed like her own grandmother vomits a huge jawbone and then another girl dressed like a policeman breaks the jawbone along the ground until it cleaves and then she shaves the grandmothers legs with it.
5. a pedophile throws a disabled dog onto a small child and the dog eats the small child's face and head.
6. a man pisses on the grave of an elementary school teacher who refused to let him go to the bathroom every day.
7. two men fight, the loser to be neutered, over an argument about whether or not they like the show CHEERS.
8. two policeman run into a deer in their car then take the deer into the forest and remove all its bones and clean them in a stream.
9. a man finds a frozen sock outside and talks to it.
10. generally, there is conversation of an inhuman nature and nobody listens to each other.

i had fun writing both of these books. as long as i am having fun, i am going to keep doing it. my dad taught me how to be a violent person and how to mistreat others. thanks everyone. it was nice talking to you. hopefully, my next post will be a video of me ripping my closet door off the frame. i think there will be more information about THE HAPPY HUMAN DIGEST coming soon. but start getting videos together of people breaking things and we will post them, provided there will be no legal repercussions. goodbye.

ps--does anyone actually hate me and the writing? if so, please email me and i will post the email to convince others to hate me too. i am serious.

22 comments:

jereme said...

#12

elizabeth ellen said...

i hate you. but only because you haven't answered my last two emails. still. i feel that's plenty reason. fucker. fuck you.

Matt DeBenedictis said...

3- Go for it. Rip the door off and throw it in the street. Yell at it and make the neighbors know, if a riot happens avoid you.

11- people love testaments.

Everyone has fought over the cheers and the spin offs. I'd stab someone with a shiv made out of my mama's bones for saying ill shit about wings.

gena said...

yes! number 12!

or BITCH TITS

somethingsomethingelse said...

i will give you fifty dollars if you successfully complete any of the "some things i keep thinking" with video proof.

100 dollars if it is #2

sam pink said...

jereme, there is a possibility that i will title it "jereme dean likes to laugh and he also likes fisting himself." give me your consent bra.

ee, that is untrue. you playin me girl.

matt, yes. it is time.

gena, your name is gena.

something, if you paypal me fifty dollars i will film my self ripping off my closet door.

Daniel Bailey said...

in college i took a "holocaust literature" class. on the first day of class the professor asked everyone "why are you in a class called 'holocaust lit?'" most people answered, "it sounded like an interesting class." then this one jewish girl said, "i was interested in the class because my grandparents all died in the holocaust." and the professor, "oh cool!"

Drew Kalbach said...

i think it would be fun if we all post videos of us smashing things. i think this would be a worth-while investment.

DJ Berndt said...

I am totally not kidding when I say that my word verification is "prick".

I took a screenshot, but everyone will just think it is photoshopped anyway.

I no longer remember what I was going to comment about because Sam Pink's blog just called me a prick and then I called it a prick back because I had to type "prick" into the box and hit enter.

somethingsomethingelse said...

i am now unmotivated to give you fifty dollars because it sounds like you are going to rip the door off anyway.

question: are there other things you will do on camera for fifty dollars? like juggle kittens? or climb a tree naked? i want my money's worth.

DOGZPLOT said...

the grave pissing in 6 is very very excellent

jereme said...

consent granted

ps

38,000 words is not too long. i would rather read your 38,000 word poem than try to sit through the cantos.

sam pink said...

daniel, i imagine that we would have been friends in gradeschool but maybe we would have had one fight where one of us hit the other and then felt stupid.

drew, i think that would be the shit. send me something.

dj, the word verification knows all.

something else, climbing a tree naked is the fastest way to rip open your nutbag on a branch. think of something else please.

barry, "hail mary nigga run quick see, what do we have here nah, do you wanna ride or die, nah nah-nah nah nah nah nah nah."

jereme, done homey.

DOGZPLOT said...

i aint a killa but dont push me, revenge is like the sweetest joy next to gettin pussy

you still comin to ann arbor in may?

Magazine of the Dead said...

send something to Magazine of the Dead (magazineofthedead.blogspot.com). The quickest way to send it is to

nathanctyree (AT) yahoo.com

seriously, send something.

Nathan Tyree

pb said...

Sam. I just got a book of plays in by Alfred Jarry: "the Ubu Plays" Ubu Rex, Ubu Cuckholded, Ubu Enchained. You are Jarry reincarnated? (especially if you ride a bike, I kid not. you might be him)Actually, you are not as silly a him. So you are him reincarnated but God gave you a bigger heart.

Anyay, congrats on finishing projects.

Jason Gusmann said...

dear sam,
please title your forthcoming book of poems after this blog post, or a similarly truncated version of daniel bailey's comment about the holocaust class. that's all.
thanks, jason

sam pink said...

i think i like everyone here. like, more than friends. i had a dream last night about a black widow spider that deflated when i touched it. i am pretty sure that means i fucking kick ass.

gena said...

motherfucker

* said...

i feel fucking sweet

Ryan said...

I say fuck it and keep all of the titles. Release a book each year centered around the theme of, for example, BITCH TITS, and what it means to you. Then the next year release another and another and another. You can be crazy fucking prolific.

There's a title suggestion.

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