24.4.09

NEANDERTHAL CLITORIS

Sleepovers at another person's house always scared me when I was younger because I was worried the entire family would surround me and kill me in the night.

I am certain that you evaporate in my lap, in that you are a matchstick on a glacier.

"Sucks balls" would be a funny way to describe someone's new carpeting.

I have hairy legs.

The entire worls shares the same memory bank.

Everyone is the same.

Everyone is describing the same thing.

I am part of the thing being described.

My superpower is that I am a fucking asshole and I can’t remember anything.

My superpower is that I only remember things that benefit me.

I want to sneak into your room and cut your mattress open and get inside your mattress so that only my face is showing.

My face will be under your covers. It will be fun.

We can be friends and I can entertain you, to avoid being a chore.

We can work out a system of bites and licks so if you ever roll over on me while your sleeping I can communicate that I am dying or just need to talk.

I wish cereal still made me excited.

Kill people by ignoring them.

And don't litter.

14 comments:

Chris East said...

i have recently begun to be excited by cereal again

i added banana

perhaps you should add banana

DJ Berndt said...

life would be so exciting again if Sam Pink lived in my mattress.

nimeni said...

You can live in my mattress,and scare me in every night,and i will be confused.If i suffocate you,you can push a knife in my back when i fall asleep.
R...

gena said...

oh sam

Brandi Wells said...

i love it.


word verification "naweat."
a whale that eats unicorns. they are starving to death. who will save the naweats??

jereme said...

superpowers

Rauan Klassnik said...

Neanderthal Clitoris--- boy, i'd love to have one of those. as good as a dog being able to lick itself.

matthew said...

sammy

"astabl" - where horses live

E.B. said...

a whole language consisting of only bites and licks would radically improve my life and relationships with other humans and animals. thank you sam pink for all that you do, champ.

sam pink said...

chris, i put bluberries in my oatmeal and that excited me for a day.

dj, i am a butt pincher.

nimeni, i will move to romania.

gena, chill thug life.

brandi, i love you and your review.

jereme, punch me in the stomach.

rauan, i want to be a human covered in neanderthal clits and then roll down a hill.

matthew, i have a tough picture for you. i keep forgetting to sen it.

eb, two bites mean "hey do you want to play checkers."

nathantyree said...

Cereal makes my balls itch.

Deedee said...

"Kill people by ignoring them."

Awesome. I like it.

Ryan said...

"The entire worls shares the same memory bank."

Great line. We shave the same memory bunk, too.

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