26.5.09

CLITORAL HOOD HELD OPEN BY EYELASHES WORKING IN TANDEM AND YOU CAN'T BE WASHED UP UNTIL YOU'RE DONE DROWNING

i am going to post a book of prose poems here pretty soon. i thought about trying to get it published and i think some people are reading it, but i keep imagining myself splitting in two and then the one going, "why do you want to publish it, that's dumb you dummy." and the first one goes, "hmmm, i think books are nice." then the other like, shrugs and swings an x-box controller like a mace and crushes the other one's forehead. is it better to just post it or like, is pdf better. like, is there a situation where you'd go, "fuck, if i only had a pdf" and then bite your forefinger knuckle? can you see that happening? does anyone want to be the other me and hit me in the forehead with an x-box controller, with like, "mam said knock you out" as the soundtrack? i am going to drown myself in lake michigan. wait, so is pdf better? now i am imagining myself as an old man with his hands in his pockets listening to his grandson explain email. i keep nodding and going, "oh that's nice." finna take a multivitamin soon. sometimes i go to malls and just sit down and think nothing. last night i had a dream that i had sex with a female version of that weird looking thing from goonies. i woke up before i ejaculated. which is good. when i get more copies of CLONE i will mail some out with a free copy of ERNEST RIDES AGAIN (on vhs). do you think anyone would pay me to re-write episodes of SAVED BY THE BELL? i think someone joked about this once and now i am taking it seriously. does anyone in chicago want to jumpkick the sears tower with me. for promotion? i mean i'd like to sell at least three more copies of CLONE to bring the total to like eighteen copies. that seems like it would impress some people. so wait, is pdf better? i probably won't even do a pdf if it is. i imagine that i will frreak out while trying to do it, and then someone at office max will walk slowly to the back office and unleash the store dinaosaur. does office max have a dinaosaur for security? i am pretty sure i heard a dinosaur once in the backroom, like scanning something. yesterday i test punched a cabinet. pretty dang sure i could put my hand through it. damn i'm awesome. so wait, is pdf better. waht is pdf. is pdf like the china white of electronic shit. shit. if i snuck (sneaked? snucked?) into the zoo, would they have to keep me. maybe i should see if i can get a video of my gramdnother loading a shotgun and put it on this site. if i had statcounter it would say, "no one likes you." or like, it would just show cobwebs. simon and shuster is going to publish my novel. the novel is called FATHER SON MAKE-OUT PARTY. i am 26 now. hell yeah! i have like four years left on earth. hopefully i can get a picture book published! so wait, is pdf better. the prose poems are like, a mashup of a bunch of shit i did a while ago. it has the severely destroyed edition of YUM YUM I CAN"T WAIT TO DIE in it. i just want it to be done so i can move on with shit. fifteen minutes is my new standard editing time on the book of plays. i can go fifteen minutes and then i turn on the shopping channel and watch the number of sale on the bottom of the screen. september eleventh everyone. we won't forget. is hezbollah hiring? do they have health insurance and shit. i could chill on a mountain and shit. does anbyone need a human statue? i am ugly. anyway, the book is kind of shitty so i want to get rid of it. so wait, is pdf better? when will all my teeth be gone? and will iever be married and have kids? that kind of sounds nice? when will i disappear and is this the end of hetereosxuality? i just coined a really cool idea: the death of heterosexuality. i keep trying to touch my head but there's just space there. it's causing me concern. i'm fukkin scared. fukk. goodbye urrybody. i like the song MINNESOTA by CONVERGE. anyone in chicago want to go to a HE WHO CORRUPTS show with me? i almost broke my arm at the last one. and i helped tear some dudes underwear off while others kicked him. is it easter yet. i like a lot of people. bye bye yo!

16 comments:

sam pink said...

countdown towards premature death!

xTx said...

i like how you want to jump kick things

Reynard said...

don't do it man

or do it i guess

seems like it would be worth it to wait though

sometimes readers take a long time

but what do i know

nathantyree said...

This post made my penis erect. Then I jump kicked it.

Maya said...

pdf is good. got your book today

sara said...

can you send me something for free or maybe i'll pay for postage

if you don't want to will somebody else

if you email me i'll give you a questionnaire to fill out to see if you are going to do something bad with my address if i give it to you
if you pass i give you my address

DJ Berndt said...

if you snuck into the zoo, I hope they would keep you on display with a computer so you could shit on the ground and blog all day.

Shane Jones said...

i love you sam pink. we should hang out more.

sam pink said...

xtx, you should see my jumpkick. i'm not even trying to be funny. i really know what i am doing. which means disaster for anyone silly enough to try to fuck with me on the streets of chicago. for they will have to rise from the sidewalk, rubbing their jaw, still not in possession of my wallet, now afraid of the power that dwells within my legs. reynard, yeah readers take a long time. definitely think i will post it once i edit it once more. if someone wants to publish it after that, i mean whatevs yo. kna'mean? dude, zeigenbock kopf rules. nathan, if i jumpkicked your penis, it would make that deflating sound. like a balloon.
maya, i hope you like the book. sara, i have yet to take advantage of anyone's address. although i had planned on shaving my head and mailing you the hair. now i will not do that. don't be a wimp. dj, i do that now except no one fills up my water bowl. shane, get over here you big bastard, these arms is sick for a hug mang!

sam pink said...

man i just had this really weird moment where i looked at the keyboard like it was a mystical puzzle and i pretty much forgot how to type. it reminded me of gwildor in the he man movie, with the scared key. oh well, back to sleep on the couch.

sam pink said...

sara, i like both of your blogs. you should do a drawing and then i will email you like five poems and we can make like ten small books. and make ten people have small happiness.

gena said...

happy birthday


thug it up, yo

* said...

united vibrations

sam pink said...

gena thank you very much.

justin, my face is kind of greasy right now but not so greasy that it looks gross. it's like there's just a little shine or some shit. i keep rubbing my face and smelling it. smells good man. smells good.

Matt DeBenedictis said...

I want to see your words on a Light- Brite

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