19.6.09

ONE TIME I DRANK HALF A BOTTLE OF PINE SOL BECAUSE I THOUGHT IT WOULD KILL ME

i just emailed the final draft of THE SELF ESTEEM HOLOCAUST COMES HOME to SIX GALLERY PRESS.

i am wearing a golf shirt that i found underneath some couch cushions yesterday. i shook the crumbs off it and put it on. i thought with sincere sadness for a second about all the shirts i've lost and totally forgotten about. you are with me shirts.

since the age of sixteen, every day i have the feeling that things are over.

i have a pretty nice beard now, it drips when i get out of the shower.

very hopeless lately. i don't have a job. i sleep late and then draw until the morning, talking to myself. i think yesterday is the first time i realized i talk to myself nonstop.

would it be lame to start a cereal corner on this blog where i analyze various cereals and their mascots? including imagined knife fights between the mascots?

does anyone in chicago have a job i could have? i am thinking janitor. i just want to be left alone. i dont' want to smile at anyone while making them a sandwich.

read this post by shane jones.

he says something i've been thinking for a long time. that unless you are an idiot (my words), publishing things changes nothing. you'll still be a scared human being hoping for something to change you without having to do much.

last night while i was drawing other people at the apartment were watching some american pie movie about a beach-house and they were mocking it. i kept imagining every character with a gun in their mouth and then their head exploding. that would make a great ending to a teen movie like that. like, surf guitar music comes in and then everyone shrugs and goes, "summer's over and so are our lives!" and then domino suicides, blood all over the beach.

i think i am in bad mood because i haven't had cereal yet.

i only sleep in hour long bursts now. the worst feeling ever is waking up.

26 will be the year of more drifting.

this laptop is burning my genitals.

i'm ready to love someone but i am too helpless.

i was at a wedding the other day and a girl standing at the bar, looked at me and then turned around and lifted her skirt a little so i could see her ass. i should've said, "so what?"

i would like it if the first half of your life you could have all the nights you will ever have, right in a row, and then the second half you could get all the days in a row.

15 comments:

Mike said...

That's good. I liked the one play in your CLONE book. All of that book was good but that play really hit me.

Yeah, that Shane Jones post was good. Been thinking along the same lines myself. Like 'why bother,' and stuff.

jereme said...

good post

Ani Smith said...

One time I drank a whole bottle of hair growth pills because I thought they were painkillers that would kill me.

Remember that game?

xTx said...

sadness.
i think it's a bad personality trait to want to save everyone. i need to learn to lack empathy.

sam pink said...

thanks. i don't mean "why bother." i mean more like, "just keep doing shit and whatever happens doesn't matter." glad you liked it. jereme, gonna kill you. ani, i didn't know you were a deer. xtx, fuck you. i think there's about to be a tornado here. there's really bad lightning and shit. trees are hitting the window.

Ross Brighton said...

I love the book title.

knuckle down said...

i am totally into the idea of the cereal corner. i'm a cereal connoisseur myself.

do you want me to start collecting all of the clothes i find in the street and giving them to you? i'm not sure what you'll do with kids' socks, but i'll pass 'em along.

nathantyree said...

This might be your most moving post ever. And cereal mascot knife fights are what it's all anout.

BamBam said...

hour long burst sleeping sucks. and it always seems that when the bursts will settle, it's time to wake up. that's what happens when you have a job. during the week i look forward to weekends because there is no job to wake up to. but then i get bored and become a janitor to my apartment, where i don't have to smile at the dust as I sweep it into the trash.

sam pink said...

knuckle, little kid socks make good gloves. ross, fuck yeah man. nate, i can't stop thinking about the scene in terminator 2 where arnold schwarzenegger peels off his arm. i feel like i could do that right now. bam bam, i am watching "roadhouse" in spanish.

Reynard said...

have you ever seen what happens when a box of cereal is set on fire?

don't try this indoors.

Anonymous said...

i was so fucking high once i opened up a box of lucky charms and a box of trix and dumped them all over the floor of my friends house. in turn he grabbed a knife and ran after me and i locked myself in the bathroom while he stabbed the door. ahhhhh good times.

- bg

Anonymous said...

I talk to myself all the time now too. And now I realise that I created another me to talk to that is also able to kill people.

I watched National Treasure 2 and then Indiana Jones and the Cystal Skulls and then he killed someone called Ben Ford. Ben as in Ben Gates from National Treasure and Ford as in Harrison Ford.

http://www.thisisgrimsby.co.uk/news/Man-court-charged-murder/article-1099065-detail/article.html

Both films were about the same thing: the lost city of gold. The coincidence makes him mad and he kills folk.

This is the seventh person he has killed as far as I know. I think he did more, and the ones in the subway in America.

Your post made me feel happy and sad and innocent and like I had a river in my house.


Albie

Robb Todd said...

just keep writing

my word verification was "slystr"

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