2.8.09

HI MY NAME IS BERNHARD GOETZ! (UPDATED)

UPDATE!!!!BERNHARD GOETZ WANTS YOU TO READ THIS SUPER AWESOME FLASH FICTION PIECE AT EVERYDAY GENIUS, EDITED BY MICHAEL KIMBALL!




HI MY NAME IS BERNHARD GOETZ! HOW ARE YOU DOING? I AM FINE. I HAVE NEVER WON A GAME OF BATTLESHIP UNLESS I CHEATED BY MOVING MY SHIPS AROUND WHILE ACTING LIKE I WAS JUST RE-ORGANIZING MY RED AND WHITE PEGS. MY RETIREMENT IS A VIDEO OF ME IN A BASEMENT ON A FOLDING CHAIR WITH A BAG OVER MY HEAD AND THE WORD "SCUM" WRITTEN ON THE BAG IN DUCT TAPE AND THEN I FALL OVER AND THE SONG "SLOW RIDE" BY FOGHAT COMES ON. YOU WIN. HAVE FUN TODAY PLEASE. SOMEBODY MAIL ME A PICTURE OF A RELATIVE AND WRITE "TERRORIST" OVER THE PICTURE. GODDAMN I EITHER FEEL REALLY OK OR REALLY NOT. MAN I LOOOOOVE SHOOTING KETAMINE INTO MY LEG MUSCLES! STOP TEASING ME. CLICK ON ME AND I GET LARGER. ADMIT IT. I AM YOUR HERO. STOP TEASING ME I FEEL FINE. ISN"T TIME THE GREATEST THING EVER! STOP TEASING ME. WHAT HAPPENS NOW? WHAT HAPPENS IS WE RETIRE TOGETHER. HI MY NAME IS BERNHARD GOETZ, HOW ARE YOU DOING? I AM FINE. HAVE FUN TODAY.

14 comments:

elizabeth ellen said...

man, i been wondering what this dude's name is. this explains so much.

divorce said...

that's not the way i'd do it but i mean yeah

Ken Baumann said...

yess

oh wow; verification word is:

sessess

derek white needs to see this.

anyway, bought a bunch of good books today at a flea market: genealogy of morals among them

(kisses)

Anonymous said...

I can't WAIT to retire with Goetz.

Will we plan vast and balloon filled adventures across a Mark Twain American landscape?

Will we fall on a muscular, veiny spike and require medical attention?

Will we pine for the youth of Matthew Broderick?

Albie

Jordan Castro said...

linked you in my new blog, bitch

sam pink said...

you fucking bitches

Justin Rands said...

thanks, dick.

sam pink said...

i smell a west coast hippy bitch somewhere.

Justin Rands said...

must be me. I haven't washed my ass for weeks

sam pink said...

there's an episode of saved by the bell where the gang forms a band called the zac attack.

i just finished TRACTATUS for the third time. still good.

i really miss having things to do.

word verification is "boboniv." boboniv is a russian plumber who is so sad he has lost muscle control.

i have ocd.

Ken Baumann said...

death to sam pink

tractatus, yes, yes, yes.

i got a tattoo after/in/for/on tractatus.

yessir.

BlogSloth said...

crank clones

sam pink said...

i like kashi cereal

freefun0616 said...

酒店經紀人,
菲梵酒店經紀,
酒店經紀,
禮服酒店上班,
酒店小姐兼職,
便服酒店經紀,
酒店打工經紀,
制服酒店工作,
專業酒店經紀,
合法酒店經紀,
酒店暑假打工,
酒店寒假打工,
酒店經紀人,
菲梵酒店經紀,
酒店經紀,
禮服酒店上班,
酒店經紀人,
菲梵酒店經紀,
酒店經紀,
禮服酒店上班,
酒店小姐兼職,
便服酒店工作,
酒店打工經紀,
制服酒店經紀,
專業酒店經紀,
合法酒店經紀,
酒店暑假打工,
酒店寒假打工,
酒店經紀人,
菲梵酒店經紀,
酒店經紀,
禮服酒店上班,
酒店小姐兼職,
便服酒店工作,
酒店打工經紀,
制服酒店經紀,
酒店經紀,

,