28.6.10

willows wept press is going to publish a chapter book of mine next year. the chapter book is called YOU HEAR AMBULANCE SOUNDS AND THINK THEY ARE FOR YOU. it is a single, long poem.

also, i got an email from someone asking to buy some original art off of me. if you would like to commission me to make some new art for you, email me: [sampinkisalive@gmail.com] here is most of the art i have done: moronculture.blogspot.com

the stuff i am making now seems better.

also, i usually don't know what to think in emotional situations so i end up imagining myself standing up from behind a large rock, myself wearing sunglasses and holding a rocket launcher, then i shoot the rocket launcher and it makes a sound like someone coughing, and flies come out. i'm 27. i end up hating or seriously disliking almost everyone i meet. most every goal or ambition seems unappealing because i know i still have to be myself no matter what is accomplished. the part of my face by my mouth hurts, because i have been unknowingly grinding or clamping my teeth all day lately. the roulette is: pathetic-sad, insanely-angry, paranoid, and petty. whenever i'm out walking and a car passes me, the little kids in the car are always looking at me. i assume it's because they are welcoming their future. no, the new roulette is: feeling-unstoppable, and/or feeling-like-i-am-willing-to-peacefully-wait-to-be-dead. i went to western illinois university for a semester and i was suspended for vandalism, and i was on surveillance for selling cocaine and nitrous and also stealing a car. i don't burn bridges i make them shitty enough to ensure they will fall with any weight. germany is going to win the world cup. i'm cursed. feels like at any point there are many people surrounding me, each letting out a short scream from a different place and each scream is a warning to stay still. i'm not sure it's worth making anything anymore it all seems to be a dumb game. it all seems like a procession towards realizing a new type of negativity that isn't even satisfying. the roulette is: either feeling like smoke trapped in a glass ball, or feeling like the glass that traps it. and i'm calm on the outside. i can be confused for a planet made of water. no, no, the last roulette is being almost amused at what new terrible shit you will create. the fourth of july is coming up. i found a very old thing of deoderant the other day and when i smelled it i felt sad. i want to be naked and covered in my own blood and then teach myself manners by shooting myself with a gun that shoots blue lightning. june 28th, 2010.

5 comments:

Justin Rands said...

been a while. last paragraph. fuck yes.

Jordan Castro said...

good job re chapter book

sam pink said...

there;s already a bullethole in the window of the new target down the block from me.

Don Broma said...

if this is 27 for you wait until you turn 30. i'm 31 and i want to kill myself every day forever. Germany will not win the world cup, and what is a chapter book.

Don Broma said...

Actually, maybe Germany will win the world cup.