i started an advice column.

you can submit questions here.

only questions requiring advice.

feel free to ask whatever you want, but dont be a fucking asshoee



sometime soon next year, TRIANA EDITORIAL, a publisher in argentina, will be publishing "i am going to clone myself then kill the clone and eat it." "VOY A CLONARME, LUEGO MATAR AL CLON Y COMERMELO." the english was translated into spanish by gustavo rivera and then into castellano by alejandro jorge and jacob steinberg. the revised english version will be back in print sometime soon next year too, through lazy fascist press.

here is a sample poem: "today i hope a bus accidentally kills me."

Hoy espero que un colectivo me mate accidentalmente

Hoy espero que un colectivo me mate accidentalmente. De esa manera, otros podrán reflexionar sobre todo lo que hice en mi vida y pensar en lo especial que era porque un colectivo me mató accidentalmente. El chofer no tendría que sentirse mal porque habría sido un accidente. Y si por alguna razón el impacto no me matase, cuando el chofer se bajase para ver que pasó, yo diría, “¿Podrías atropellarme la cabeza para acabar conmigo? Siento mucho dolor y quiero ser un héroe”. La gente cercana vería la rueda enorme del colectivo aplastando mi cráneo contra el asfalto—mi boca gritando, la última cosa en irse.

today i hope a bus accidentally kills me

today i hope a bus accidentally kills me. that way, people will look back on everything i did in my life and think about how special it was, because a bus accidentally killed me. the driver wouldn’t have to feel bad, because it’d be an accident. and if for some reason the collision didn’t kill me, when the driver got out of the bus to check on me, i’d say, “could you please roll over my head and finish me. i’m in pain and i want to become a hero.” people nearby would see the big wheel of the bus smashing my skull into the concrete—my screaming mouth the last thing to


i'm serious about all of these questions

does anyone want to hire me in chicago for a manual labor job somewhere near uptown.

does anyone know of any manual labor jobs near uptown that might be willing to hire me.

does anyone want to pay me to write a monthly advice column.

does anyone want to pay me to write un-researched essays on random topics.

does anyone want to pay me to write a romance/sex column.

does anyone in chicago want to start a band.

does anyone in chicago make aggressive electronic music that needs aggressive singing over it.

does anyone in chicago make any kind of aggressive music that needs aggressive singing over it.

does anyone want to pay me to be a surrogate father.

does anyone in chicago want to battle me to the death.

does anyone in chicago want to pay me to read them a bedtime story to them every night.

does anyone in chicago read this blog.

does anyone in chicago want me to burn them with a cigar/whatever.



video interview at htmlgiant

click the title to see a video interview stephen tully dierks did with me at htmlgiant. i can't link it in the post for some reason.

i say "like" a lot in the interview.

i can't believe that's what i look like/sound like.

i need to change my fucking life.


muumuu house posted a story i wrote, called TRAINING.

the story is from HURT OTHERS.

also, if you want, i will make you a handmade book with a hand-drawn cover and hand-written writing on the inside if you make me an offer. i made one already for someone and it looks nice. each book will be called EXTREME DEPRESSION and it will have writing from any/all of my books in it. just think about it. i make 8.92 an hour so this would help me buy food and pay rent. just think about it.


hey stupid! you can read a thing i wrote called "during sexual intercourse i envision my own brutal death" in the second issue of LA GRANADA. "during sexual intercourse..." is from "Frowns need friends too."

also, here are two things that are happening to me a lot lately.

1. thinking, "who the fuck gives a shit" right after hearing someone say something to someone else (not even talking to me). like, i'll hear someone say, "i got these shoes for thirty dollars" to someone else, and i'll make a mean face and think, "who the fuck gives a shit."

2. shaking my head in angry disbelief and laughing at random while thinking, "ooooh, these assholes, (laugh) (shaking head) oh man, these assholes are going to (laugh) (shaking head) oh boy, i'll tell you...(laugh through nose)" etc.



i finished a book of poetry. i think it's going to be called "no one can do anything worse to you than you can." it's four poems, each about three thousand words long. the titles of the poems are:

1. the midwest
2. human beings are toys
3. you hear ambulance sounds and think they are for you
4. a shield made of napkins

it took me almost three years to write this book. i like it.

is it the best book of american poetry ever written? simply put, yes. it's the most doomed emo shit out there. a thought i just had was "it will wipe that fucking smile off your fucking face."

here are some thoughts on each poem, and the title of the book.

the title of the book: i mean shit. so fucking powerful. it's like, you read it, and think you understand it, but then whoa, maybe you don't. it seems negative at first, but then, it's actually life-affirming. just kidding i dont know. at first i was hesitant, as it seems like a typical, "quirky" title. but then i was like, "no this is it, kid. this is it."

the first poem "the midwest" i mean shit. a good intro to the rest of the book. laughs, cries, deep fucking pain. real pain. all straight from the dark ass days of the midwest.

the second poem: "human beings are toys" shit. took me a long time to finish. feels like i worked on it for about all three years and just now finished it. this one is a little less "funny and weird" and more "straight into your ass with that dick action." i feel like this one would be in a norton anthology if the people who ran the norton anthology that year were noah cicero and maybe like, michael jordan (for some reason).

the third poem: "you hear ambulance sounds and think they are for you." i mean, the fucking goodreads ratings speak for themselves. this shit is money shoved way up into your asshole. repetition, all that shit. i dare you not to cut your arms after this one.

the fourth poem: "a shield made of napkins" i mean shit. i remember being really really depressed and angry for this one. pretty sure i was "blackout drunk" when i started it.

overall, this is a solid effort and the best book of american poetry ever written. i've been sober and focused lately, with the exception of taking exstacy with jordan castro and mallory whitten. those kids are so great. i really love them. what else, oh everything is fine and this should be a terrible winter and an ever more terrible year. think i might have a job as a janitor lined up so that feels good. wow, i just, everything is so great!

email me if you want to buy a drawing or painting or you want me to make you a handmade book or something. i need money. nine dollars an hour sucks! anyway, go fuck yourselves everyone and have a nice thanksgiving won't you!




i was in the stockroom with my co-worker, enrique, when two higher-up bosses who work in the store came through the swinging doors and into the stockroom. one of them put her hands up to her face and the other one stood by with her hand on the first woman's shoulder.

i said, "are you ok."

the one with her hands over her face took her hands down and her eyes were red and teary.

the other woman said, "we just saw a little girl shit her pants and the aunt didn't do anything. she was just like, 'come on' and pulled her arm."

the crying woman said, "the only thing the little girl said was, 'my mom is going to whoop me now.'"

i just stood there. it seemed like i was about to respond with sympathy but then i realized it would be fake. so i didn't say anything. the whole thing seemed really fake, except for deciding not to say anything.


the crying woman said, "the only thing the little girl said was, 'my mom is going to whoop me now.'"

i felt like i should say something sympathetic but then that seemed fake and i didn't really care so i didn't say anything.

i looked at enrique. i put my hand on his shoulder and said, "when enrique shits his pants i always help him clean it."

then enrique and i walked out of the stockroom and one of the women said, "bye guys." and i felt good because i knew i was a piece of shit but i was a piece of shit who was not trying to be anything else and it made me happy.


the crying woman said, "the only thing the little girl said was, 'my mom is going to whoop me now.'"

then they both stood there looking at me like i had to respond.

i said, "you're both just upset because you wanted to feel upset about something. many other things are bothering you, things about yourselves that you know you can change, but you ignore them, and you decided to let this bother you and be something you could get upset about because it seems right. you're both selfish. there are a million other mistreated kids and you don't give a fuck because you don't see it. so you're just being upset because you're both fake assholes who have gotten so used to being fake assholes that you've been promoted for it. everyone gets mistreated. it doesn't matter. everyone who works here is mistreated. i'm mistreated. you gave me a seventeen cent raise after working her for a year. you get paid more money if i work harder, but i dont get paid more money if i work harder. you give me shit for being late. you try to make me feel guilty for dumb shit but it's only because you want the store to be more appealing to other fake assholes who spend their money here on useless shit. if i shit my pants, you'd fire me. you'd have me escorted out. two months ago there was a homeless man in the store eating some pizza he bought from the store and he shit himself in the cafe area and you had him escorted out, then everyone laughed about the story when security told you about it. fuck you both. i hope you die on the way home. i hope a homeless man shits in your mouths after you become corpses. i hope you decay on the sidewalk, as a pigeon eats your fucking face off. i'm going on my fifteen minute break now."


expressionless disgust is my nationality


this is an open apology to anyone i've mistreated in the last few years. i feel like there's been a lot of people i've mistreated without realizing it. if you feel i've mistreated you then i apologize. it's hard for me to know how to behave.


here is a good review of THE NO HELLOS DIET

the character "Sour Cream" seems to be loved by many

also, if anyone brings a gun to the EAR EATER reading this saturday, i'll seriously either shoot myself or jordan castro with it.

also, i just finished writing the best book of american poetry ever written. it's called "north america, i hate you."

which gang is better, "vicelords" or "latin kings." they are fighting in uptown and i need to know which side to join.

i feel like "not giving a fuck" is something people say and then at some point you realize it's true and it's not as fun as it seemed when you were just saying it.

"person" is being translated into turkish i think but the press has stopped talking to me. "clone" is being translated into Argentinian spanish. if anyone else wants to translate some books and pay me for it or not, email me.

there's an abandoned store in uptown, right by the wilson red line, and it's boarded up and gated shut and there's a handpainted sign above it that reads "Internet Chat Room." it seems fucking terrifying.

i'm really depressed but i feel violent and angry.

american youth in chicago, no friends, no career, and no ambition.

"the coachwhips" and "meth teeth" are pretty good bands though.




i'm reading this saturday at EAR EATER 10. jordan castro, megan boyle, mallory whitten and miles ross will also be reading. here is the information.


i am re-typing all of FROWNS NEED FRIENDS TOO from the book into a wordfile because i don't have the wordfile. i like this book the most.


hey fuckers!

if you read any of my books and want to write an amazon review, that will help.

don;t worry, i'll still have little money and a radically fluctuating sense of self-worth.







two things

"frowns need friends too" is out of print for a little bit. it will be out again through lazy fascist press sometime soon.

also, i have four days or two hundred minutes left on my awesome prepaid phone. if anyone wants to record a phone interview to put on the internet, email me. it would have to be in the next four days and you would have to record it. think of the possibilities!




i dont have a computer anymore.

if anyone has a relatively unshitty laptop that you'd be willing to sell for very cheap, or trade for something, let me know.

the only thing that i own that is actually worth the same as a laptop, is a set of speakers. it's two speakers, each a 2 X 15 with a built-in cone.

other than that, i have a gym mat that i sleep on, a small box of books and drawings, and a cat named Rontel, but i can't trade him because he acts crazy if i'm not around.

i'd also be willing to make a "clean your house anytime" coupon for you.

email me, sampinkisalive@gmail.com

i look forward to being asked if i'm gay in the comments section.


i am imagining a pilot in a spaceship, and s/he is saying, "we are nearing, total isolation."



these are my goals for the upcoming two years.


finish and publish the greatest book of american poety ever written.

finish and publish a novel about becoming an adult.

then i either want to move out of chicago and live in the woods by a small body of water or: be a garbage man or: father a really really big number of children or: kill myself in a hotel room or: get a job as someone who paints the inside of buildings like i used to do.

also, if anyone is willing to pay me to write blog posts for a week or two or however long, that would be good. i feel like i might have ideas and i could write ok articles and i need money for food and bitches and also i need to re-sole my shoes because there is a hole in each of them.

here are some examples of blog article ideas i have: "the use of second person narrative" "extreme writing" "realism and responsibility" "how to hate yourself into becoming a better person" "criticism and hurt feelings" "the internet" "my experiences as a 'writer'" "selling out"


i just got an email from someone offering to sell me the domain name "extremedepression.com"

it wasn't a spam email.

does anyone have 475 dollars so i can buy "extremedepression.com"

how's everyone feeling, everyone all right?

i bought a pair of pants at the salvation army yesterday. it's the best pair of pants i have ever owned. i'm being serious. they have the perfect combination of "ass" and "genital" room. i've worn them every day since i bought them, even to sleep. when i was buying them, a homeless man threatened to kill me. he was smiling though.

i feel very interested in doing readings. if you want to me to read in chicago, let me know. i'll fucking come to your apartment even if no one is there. i'll read in an alley. i'll read to you while you stand on the sidewalk and i lean out my bedroom window.

how's everyone doing. everyone ok?

extreme depression.

am i going to die this winter?


hey there was a slight problem with the cover of "hurt others" but it is fixed now. if you already bought it, you can cut me at my next reading.

how's everyone doing.



hey. both books are out today.


a novel (88 pages, hey i can read that much!)



anti-stories (120 pages, hmm, that's getting up there i don't know)

wow, sounds like fun. i think i'll stop by amazon and scoop up these smokin' hot shits. and hey, maybe i'll write a review, or when i'm done reading them, pass them off to my friends. maybe i'll read them and try to fight the author at the next reading i see him at. maybe i'll cultivate a poisonous attraction to him and then end up murdering him. maybe i'll give the author alcohol/whatever next time i see him. maybe i won't even read them. or maybe i'll read them and just nod and think "not bad" and then not think about it anymore. maybe it's time to finally kill my neighbor, or at least paralyze him.

if anyone wants to talk about anything, email me sampinkisalive@gmail.com


gustavo rivera has translated I AM GOING TO CLONE MYSELF THEN KILL THE CLONE AND EAT IT. i think it is going to be published in argentina.

quiero matar myself.


late this year or early next year, Lazy Fascist Press will re-issue I AM GOING TO CLONE MYSELF THEN KILL THE CLONE AND EAT IT.

here is a poem from it:


Every time I come home, I stand in the doorway and say,
"It's time for a monster to eat me now."

Then it does.

When I go to bed and pull the covers open, I say,
"It's time for a monster to eat me now."

Then it does.

Every time I get out of bed I say,
"It's time for a monster to eat me now."

Then it does.

Every time I leave my home, I say,
"It's time for a monster to eat me now."

Then it does.


is it ok to bring a blanket to readings, so that after you're done reading (regardless of whether or not the audience liked it) you can put the blanket over your head and wrap it around your face to walk to the back of the room without being looked at.


yesterday i went to sneeze and almost didn't clench my asshole in time. i just barely made it. after the sneeze, i laughed and thought, "oh shit i almost didn't make it" and then i immediately stopped laughing and thought, "did i try to do that on purpose, and if so, why." it was hard to trust myself the rest of the day. have a nice sunday everyone.


i'm going to be doing a reading this thursday at a taco bell with larry bird and you should come, there's going to be a "who can hit me in the eye hardest" contest and it'll be great.



barry graham gave me a copy of his new novel NOTHING OR NEXT TO NOTHING at a reading a few days ago. i read it. it was really good. i recommend it.

i have a few copies of I AM GOING TO CLONE MYSELF THEN KILL THE CLONE AND EAT IT. if anyone wants to buy one off me, email me.


coming in august:

THE NO HELLOS DIET ( a novel, lazy fascist press)

HURT OTHERS (short stories, lazy fascist press)

maybe a haircut?

possible suicide?

sex change?


i'm reading this tuesday, july 12th at innertown pub.

barry graham and scott mcclanahan will also be reading.

should be good.

if you come early, i will most likely be drinking in the alley with scott.
PERSON is available on kindle now.


in an episode of 'family matters' i recently watched, carl and harriet winslow were at a charity dance-marathon.

carl hurt his back while dancing.

harriet said, "carl, did your back go out again."

and carl said, "out? harriet, it went on vacation."

then, about a minute later, everyone in the room was on the dancefloor, dancing to the song "can't touch this" by mc hammer.


a novel and a short story collection, this year, from lazy fascist press.

the album "quicksand and cradlesnakes" by califone, is a good album.

wladimir klitschko and david haye, this saturday, for a large portion of the heavyweight championship.

different kinds of sad: "too sad to talk in sentences" "too sad to look up from the floor" "too sad to want sex" "sad where it feels dumb to eat"

this summer sucks.

i re-read "during my nervous breakdown i want a biographer present" and "you are a little bit happier than i am" both good

i really wish i could live off of cutting people's lawns. i'd like to do that all year.

i really wish i was married to a person i loved, and had five to eight kids, and lived nowhere near a city, on a five hundred acre field of grass that i mow for ten hours a day, every day.

actually i dont know.

"it's going to change," i keep thinking, but then find myself the same person as always.

an idea for a talk show where i sit by my window, from three floors up, and say, "hey" to people who pass by on the street below, and then i interview them for as long as they stay.


i made the above diagram. click on it.

also, can someone help me make a video.

email me if you know how to put text on a video.




the first chapter of "Person" is available to read online at Horror Sleaze Trash.

if you get bored reading it, there are also pictures of naked people on the site.


"pretty boy" floyd mayweather vs. "vicious" victor ortiz

september 17th 2011


i keep thinking of things i want and then i look at the ground and breathe out through my nose and think, "no, i don't want that."



it's cameron pierce's birthday.

one time he sent me an email about how he went out to get food with his wife and she ordered a burrito that had mashed potatoes and broccoli in it and she didn't like it so he ate it for her.


this fall, jannicke stendal and some other people at a university in norway are going to film the first play from The Self-Esteem Holocaust Comes Home. the play is about three policemen who want to ask the greatest dad in the world some questions.



at a food court i saw an old couple arguing. i think they were homeless. the man had a shopping cart full of garbage. he was very skinny and bald, like he had cancer. he kept yelling at the woman. he kept saying, "i told you not to fucking say that word." he was talking in a mean but hushed way. the woman eventually got up and walked away and the look on her face was very very sad. the look on her face was like, "well, ok" and she was trying not to cry. it seemed like she cared about the man. i thought about it all day, and it made me feel awful, like i couldn't function because doing anything felt stupid when someone was that hurt. then later on at night, while i was thinking about it, i started panicking real bad. and it transitioned to thinking about getting my nose bitten off by someone. like, someone biting off all the cartilage and skin. and then i kept panicking when i thought about it. the worst part would be the aftermath, just sitting there with a hole in my face, and the air making it hurt and there'd be nothing i could do until i got to the hospital. thanks to anyone who has bought and/or read any of my books. i appreciate it.


are there any novels that switch between first and second person, referring to the same character.


i've got two copies of "person" and one copy of "self-esteem holocaust comes home."

i'll mail you whichever you want for free, if you:

write an amazon review


be nice for an entire day


do something really mean to someone and never admit it


mail me lsd


kiss a dog on the head


do the devil's work


lift north america up and shake it--like you're cleaning a rug or towel--sending everyone into the ocean


chicago bulls.


I really liked reading The Mezzanine by Nicholson Baker.

I just thought about a diet pill commercial where the before-picture is a burnt corpse and the after-picture is just a normal person, flexing and looking healthy.



andrew worthington reviewed PERSON.

at the end, he asks about the use of sentence by sentence formatting. here is an attempt at an answer.

the first time i saw one sentence formatting, was in "thus spoke zarathustra." i liked it, because it looked nice (it's a little different though because the sentences were longer and still looked like paragraphs). also, it emphasized that each line was important on it's own, yet still attached to the line above it. separating a line, emphasizes it.

the next time i saw it done, was in noah cicero's books. the difference in noah's books, was that each line was a short sentence, and usually spaced from the one above and below it. i liked the effect. the effect was that, each line was an atom, and each line easily passed into the next one, making the reading fast but still easy to fully understand.

the next example was "tractatus logicus philosophicus." i havent' read the book since last year, so i might be a little wrong, but the first sentence is something like "the world is everything that is the case." each line is numbered, and sub-numbered in the "tractatus" almost like an outline. the importance of line by line formatting here, is one that highlights the form and the content as interrelated. wittgenstein says that "the world is everything that is the case" and then goes on to break down "the case" as atoms. anything that you can say, can be said clearly, and in a fundamental way. which, to me, means that every paragraph can be broken down even further into one line statements.

so while writing "person" i had it in paragraphs. and then during the last stage of editing, i formatted it line by line, to "test" or examine each line. it seemed to me, like lines could hide in a paragraph, but setting them on top of each other, it called out the weaker/less sensible lines. after editing it like this, i liked it much more than in paragraph form. to explain it in terms of an image, changing the book from paragraph form to single sentence form, is like pulling a telephone cord straight.

another reason is one of pace. paragraphs, to me, read more slowly. line by line reads faster. "person" is in first person present, with a lot of "interior" dialogue. so to write that the right way, it seemed like a faster paced formatting would help. going line by line lets you read and understand each line, and then move nicely into the next line. everybody lives in first person present, so the experience is familiar. speaking for myself, i don't experience my life, or any situation, in paragraph form. a paragraph is more fabricated to me. sentences are too, but less so, to me.

lastly, i dont know how to write a paragraph. every time i look at a paragraph i have written, i think "why not move the next line into it too" and then eventually it's all just a block. inability/lack of understanding leads to inventions too. sometimes, people do interesting things because they don't know how to do other things. much like all time great Roy Jones Jr., whose boxing style was/is wildly flawed compared to convention, but it worked.

in conclusion, i think i primarily use line by line formatting at the end, as a way to complete the thoughts/things i've written down. i don't use it to begin with, because that would inhibit.

uptown, blood alley, chicago, 773, wilson yard


today i felt extremely depressed. at work, i stood in the warehouse feeling depressed, and i responded by taking in a deep breath through my nose and exhaling through my mouth while going, "ahhhh." like a person enjoying some morning air.


hey everybody! i made this painting and i am going to sell it. if you want to buy it, email me. i'll use the money to buy groceries. what are the benefits of buying this painting? not sure. the size of the painting is about the size of a normal paperback book. it's on a canvas and it's made of acrylic paint, pencil, red pen, blue pen, highlighter, x-acto knife scrapings. be a part of history!



i like this thing of writing by andrew worthington.

also, sergio martinez recently stopped sergiy dzindziruk in their middleweight bout. this, coupled with sergio "maravilla" martinez's last few bouts (ko paul williams, win over pavlik, and questionable match with cintron) has many in the boxing world talking about p4p best. while i certainly see the talent in martinez, i'm not ready to accept a high p4p ranking. why? well, simply stated, the measure of hype is not a standard of p4p rankings. yes, he beat pavlik. however, pavlik was an alcoholic at the time. yes, he beat williams, but are we ready to accord williams such greatness? dzindziruk: talented yes, but a smaller man. maravilla martinez has accrued more hype than substance, though the substance is there. one can't help but wonder how he'd match up against a true middleweight/super middleweight like: lucian bute, carl froch, andre ward, james kirkland et cetera. even someone like arthur abraham could be a viable contender. also, he's against moving up in weight. p4p means taking challenges like that. bottom line, maravilla is no joke, and his speed and unorthodox style will prove difficult for any opponent. but, let's just wait and let future bouts decide.


noah cicero's "BEST BEHAVIOR" can be pre-ordered now.




jordan castro interviewed me at "the open end." we talked about PERSON and my diet/lifestyle during the time it was written.

jordan also wrote a comprehensive review of MUUMUU HOUSE

mike bushnell has released the "online literary powers, top 25."

six gallery press has also released mike bushnell's TRAUMAHAWK. it's a good poetry book.

i'm reading in ohio this month, march 19th. the line-up is mallory whitten, me, jordan castro, and noah cicero:




1. here is a guest post from cameron pierce, the editor of Lazy Fascist Press:

"I want to thank everyone who has supported Lazy Fascist by reading one of our books. You are amazing. Since Lazy Fascist launched as an imprint of Eraserhead Press last year, we've broken out to an incredible start. Our bestselling book, Sam Pink's Person, has steadily built up a ton of momentum, receiving excellent coverage from Electric Literature, HTML Giant, The Faster Times, and many other places/people.

With our first releases of 2011 (Sinister Miniatures and Rico Slade Will Fucking Kill You), this year looks to be even better for Lazy Fascist. We'll be publishing new work by Sam Pink, Mike Daily, Bradley Sands, Riley Michael Parker, two original anthologies (the first is themed around everyone's favorite sea mammal, the walrus), and other projects to be announced. I hope that Lazy Fascist can provide a home for strange, explosive books like The Self-Esteem Holocaust Comes Home and Sorry I Ruined Your Orgy for years to come.

Now, you might be wondering what you can do to help, and I'm here to tell you: Amazon reviews. As the largest bookseller in the world, Amazon's customer reviews have a lot of influence or what people decide to read, and Amazon does its part as well. The better a book sells through Amazon, the more Amazon will promote it, regardless whether the book was published by a small or major press. It's one of the few places where independents have an opportunity to stand toe to toe with big corporate publishers, and we can do it in the place where the most books are sold. Additionally, Lazy Fascist's authors receive more per copy sold from Amazon than any other bookstore. It's a win-win situation. Keep in mind, I'm not trying to discourage anyone from supporting independent bookstores. No matter where you acquire a book, even if you steal it, you can always write a review for Amazon if you like a book, and that review will help that author sell more books. It's a good thing for everyone.

Thanks so much for reading Sam's work.

I hope you'll follow Lazy Fascist long into the future."

-Cameron Pierce

2. here's a new review of "person."

3. here's a recipe for a gin and tonic:

2 to 3 shots of gin, poured over ice. then add tonic water (with quinine) up to 3/4 of the way. cut a generous wedge of lime and squeeze the juice into the drink, then rub the lime around the rim of the glass and put what's left of the lime in the drink. next, add roughly one or two shot-size portions of lemonade gatorade (or enough to make the drink slightly cloudy looking.) stir with the knife you used to cut the lime.


i like "supercomputer."

i am re-reading "treatise."

but for the most part, i hate my generation, and i'm being serious.



PERSON was reviewed at "onlives."

also, steve roggenbuck has reviewed PERSON.

also riley michael parker reviewed PERSON at HOUSEFIRE.

also, there is a new issue of the journal "Puerto Del Sol" out. they published a play i wrote, called "YOU CAN'T CONTROL A KITE" which is from the book "THE SELF ESTEEM HOLOCAUST COMES HOME."

rocky marciano: 49-0, 43 knockouts.


i was interviewed at metazen.

riley michael parker interviewed me.

the interview includes a sexy ass author photo, a legitimate recipe for getting high off of Sucrets cough drops, and a marvelous marvin hagler reference.



i have books to sell.

i have 20 copies of PERSON (a sizzling hot novel)

4 copies of THE SELF-ESTEEM HOLOCAUST COMES HOME (plays/short stories that in twenty years, only four people will have admitted reading (including myself and the publisher))

1 copy of FROWNS NEED FRIENDS TOO (sizzling hot poems)

1 copy of YOU HEAR AMBULANCE SOUNDS AND THINK THEY ARE FOR YOU (last copy ever of a book length poem)


i'm working on a novel about working in a target warehouse.