someone wrote a thoughtful, long review of THE NO HELLOS DIET

if you write or have written a review of any books, thanks. 


"--then again, who gives a shit."

is a good thing to add to almost everything you say or think.



i am willing to mail the following books to people for the price of shipping (five dollars) if you write an amazon review for them.

1 copy of person

1 copy of no hellos diet

3 copies of hurt others

3 copies of no one can do anything worse to you than you can

also, if you have a copy of any of these, and you give it to your friend, i will mail you a replacement copy for free.

i invented a new basketball move today, i think. i will draw a diagram soon to explain it later.

also, if anyone in chicago wants to play pick-up soccer games, email me sampinkisalive@gmail.com
also, me and cameron pierce came up with a good novel idea if anyone wants to write it. it's about a "bad boy" dirt bike racer where the race scenes are just novelizations of excitebike (for NES) races.


FROWNS NEED FRIENDS TOO will be out at the end of the summer, with a bonus introduction written by "hollywood daddy" jereme dean. seems like a lot of people don't like jereme. i feel like if you are not defensive and have a sense of humor, you will like jereme dean as much as i do. he is my favorite person that i've met while "being a writer."

that brings me to my last thing. if there is any magazine out there that would pay me to write an article (one of a kind and extremely long/extensive) about my experience of "being a writer" then email me. sampinkisalive@gmail.com

also, if you mail me drugs, i'll mail you something back. like a drawing or my cat, or maybe even the last ten years of my life (psyche, there's only like five years left anyway!)

 i feel like it's time to really beat the shit out of myself and see what happens.

when i was younger, me and some of the kids i hung out with, would just run and jump face first into big bushes. it was really fun. then one time i overjumped one and landed on my chest and it hurt.

i feel like if someone in chicago is motivated enough, s/he should organize a reading at the end of the summer at lake michigan. we can all go to the beach by lake michigan and read to each other. maybe get in the water.

also, i started a band with kelly schirmann.   it's going to be an electronic pop band.  she is a very talented singer.  and i'm--i have a drum machine.  if anyone has a good band name for this, let me know.  so far i like "strawberry ass." 

my favorite boxer of all time is rocky marciano. he retired 49-0 with 43 knockouts (pretty sure that was it). i like him because he was a good boxer and for other reasons. here are some of the other reasons.

1. he was small. he weighed 188 pounds. today's heavyweights weigh up to like 270 pounds.

2. his style was just to keep punching you everywhere on your body until he could hit you in the face. with one of his opponents, he punched his opponents arms until his opponent couldn't hold them up anymore, then marciano punched him in the face.

3. during one fight, with hall of famer "ezzard charles" (who the character EZZARD in "EZZARD AND FANON" [play from self esteem holocaust] is named after), during that fight, ezzard charles accidentally hit marciano in the nose with his elbow. this caused marciano's nose to split up the middle in a really gruesome way. the ref told marciano between rounds that this was the last round, that he'd stop the fight after this round because of the cut. so marciano went out the next round and knocked out hall of famer ezzard charles and won.

4. he was very polite and nice. before boxing matches they always have "stare downs" where they weigh the fighters then have them face each other, with their faces real close. usually, fighters talk a bunch of shit at this point and try to be tough. i saw a video of marciano at a "staredown" and his opponent was from england. marciano just smiled and shook his hand and said, "how ya doin.  nice to meet you.  i hope you had a nice flight in."


i no longer have a job. if anyone wants me to draw something for them and/or make a book and/or do something for money, email me. sampinkisalive@gmail.com i am also willing to beat someone up for you (within chicago limits, otherwise fare must be provided). also, i know how to paint interiors and exteriors really well. i'm good at manual labor in general. i'm also willing to be a "decoy" date of some kind (ie, for prom, to make someone else jealous, fool your parents, et cetera). the future is now. chi-town where we die town. 773, uptown. who is you. i just want to ball til i fall. i need to keep balling, until i fall down. once i fall, i will know that i have balled enough. what else. i think i can still do a "180 flip" on a skateboard too, if someone wants to pay me to do that. i'm also willing to make t-shirts for people. like, i'll just draw on a t shirt for you. what else. the future is now. what did people think of 'no one can do anything worse to you than you can.' what did people think of cotto/mayweather. i think people should come to chicago for a reading on may 20th and we'll do it downtown during the nato summmit and all the rioting. i want to get gassed then try to keep reading. lastly, does anyone have a link to download the black dice albums "load blown" and "mr impossible"


i posted a new instrumental DEPRESSED WOMAN song. it's called "i'm a fucking baby." feel like it's happy at the beginning then not at the end. after listening, i went to sit down but then i kept falling, because i had shaken my ass clean off, you see.


matt margo translated the poem "apartment" into french


par Sam Pink

Chaque fois que je rentre chez moi je me tiens à la porte et je dis « un monstre me mangera maintenant ».

Puis il le fait.

Quand je vais me coucher et je lève les couvertures, je dis « un monstre me mangera maintenant ».

Puis il le fait.

Chaque fois que je me lève je dis « un monstre me mangera maintenant ».

Puis il le fait.

Chaque fois que je quitte chez moi, je dis « un monstre me mangera maintenant ».

Puis il le fait.