2.10.12

GIVING UP

life sucks dick.

i'm giving up.

i have a few drawings left if anyone wants them and i think there's another book coming out this year called "rontel".

other than that i'm giving up.

being  a sad nobody is funny and interesting at first and then you realize how true it is and there is nothing to do every day and you just feel terrible.

i advise people to do something.

pursue a career.

buy a house.

have a favorite sports team.

become a priest.

get married young/have kids young.

i think i'm going to volunteer/hopefully get a job at a nursing home here.

i'm sick of everything.

i'm so sick of everything i feel like saying "sick of [something]" actually has meaning.

there's nothing to discover about yourself when you're a bi polar piece of shit.

i hate chicago.

i hate my generation.

i hate the little gangbangers who throw rocks at me then run when i try to catch/kill them

what am i going to do for the next one to forty years.

being on tour made me realize there are good people but that good people are destined to suffer alone and without help.

scott, megan, mike, jordan and mallory and everyone who was nice on the tour, they are all good people.

kind of seems funny that all of us probably started writing things as a joke/just for fun and then all of a sudden there were good people coming into our lives and things seemed meaningful, and if anyone i just listed is like me, then they don't know what to do when something good happens.

i lost my pants the first night in columbus and then zachary wood gave me a pair in kentucky and i wore them the rest of the tour and they were fine and then ten minutes after i got home, i bent down to untie my boots and the pants ripped and my balls sort of fell out of the rip (not like, fell out completely, just the ballsack came out).

here's a funny tour story:  in columbus i was nodding off badly before the reading and when i read i could barely stay awake and i think i was slowly falling forward the whole time and then when i was done reading i went to find the bathroom so i could puke and right before i got to the bathroom i puked into my balled hand and held it against my face and then the person in the bathroom came out and the puke was coming out of my hand and i made eye contact with the person and raised my eyebrows twice before going into the bathroom to puke more.

not sure what i'm trying to say.

feel like i'm always trying to get people and myself to udnerstand one thing.

like there is only one thing about life you have to understand.

buit then i think about how there's not

there's a lot of small things, like: "if i see someone walking in the alley outside my window should i say hi or not." 

and then the small things build up big things you think are big and those big things do damage to you and however you react to the damage is the most important thing.

keep imagining my heart getting ripped out by someone and every time someoe tries to rip it out again it's only a smaller, less developed version of the first heart and there's bruising around the edges of the rip-hole but that just turns into harder skin and pretty soon the rip-hole is the exact size and shape of any hand that could go in and i'm just standing there saying, "go in, go in."

just remembered finding mallory asleep on the couch one of the nights on tour and i walked up and put my hand on her shoulder and kissed the top of her head.

not sure why i did that.

i felt like for a minute i was an angel protecting her.

what is wrong with me. 

but yeah, fuck this i'm giving up.

email me if you want anything like an interview or something.   sampinkisalive@gmail.com

i'll be around chicago if you want me to draw you something or just hang out with me/do drugs/whatever you want.

have a life.

47 comments:

michael (h.c.) koh said...

hi sam come to nyc and we can hang out you are cool i think you matter thanks

The Man Who Couldn't Blog said...

don't give up, sam.

kelly schirmann said...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Slimer (inspirational poetry):

"Throughout the first film [Slimer] appears to lack intelligence and was all about getting a good snack. It was a normally shy ghost but is not afraid to slime when cornered. In the second movie, it appears that Slimer got smarter and could drive a bus. So far, in the video game and cartoon he has gotten smarter and seems to understand basic human concepts."

we haven't even shared a mountain cooler yet.

under no circumstances can you give up.

Amanda Deo said...

Do not give up. Creative souls need to keep being creative souls. We all don't know eachother but we all know eachother.

Keep going.

Chris Dankland said...

Just wanted to let you know that your writing is huge for me, I get so much out of reading your stories. “The No Hellos Diet” has been in the back of my mind for most of the year…it really made me feel a lot less lonely, during a time when I was extremely lonely…wasn’t hanging out with anyone, super-depressed, locked inside my own head... Your books kicked my ass and got me paying attention to life and all these passing moments that I was taking for granted: “You find yourself already happening. Unfocused. Every person you pass is a person unknown. And you’re one of the unknown people they’re passing, eating taffy and staring. This is happening.” No matter what you decide to do (and I hope you’re just taking a break and you’ll be back at it later), I just have to let you know how much your stuff has meant to me. Your books were a big part of helping me unscramble my brain so I could start thinking clearly again, thank you so much for writing them… If I could rip my heart out and show it to you, maybe that would help or something. Hope you feel better, take care.

Daniel J. Baer said...

i get you dude, giving up is the key to moving on. from the ashes, new life.

jereme said...

What the fuck is the future.

Life does suck dick but at least life is really aggressive at sucking dick. Like, life could suck dick the same way a moderately attractive rich girl sucks dick, all lazy and apathetic and shit. We should all be grateful life isn't Chelsea Martin.

gamefaced said...

don't be such an adult.

Anonymous said...

ok, folks arent gonna like this but sam might have more understanding of it. sam pink rocks. i love sams writing and his art. its different, unusual, all that. but the time comes when you realize that nothings gonna come from it - theres gonna be no giving up the shitty jobs to be a fulltime writer or fulltime artist. life doesnt work like that. we dont get everything we want and we might already have made that work of art which gets to the biggest number of people. maybe sams just being realistic. yeah you can go on making art for a pretty small number of folks and bringing out books with small publishers and shit. but whats gonna come of it? probably nothing because only a few get lucky. ive seen more and more artists and writers who are as good as sam pink disappear too. its sad. but thats modern life and shit reality. sooner or later we get to realizing weve done all we can with our art and made nothing from it in cash. doesnt mean you cant still go on creating but just that you need to balance it up with all the other crap. good luck sam you deserve it.

BlogSloth said...

Um, you lost your pants?

JANEY SMITH said...

sam?

i am unemployed and homeless. i sleep on a couch, if i'm fortunate.

society sucks. (society would still suck even if i had lots of money. why? because i want everyone to have lots of money and because i'd rather make something beautiful in an historically significant way than have lots of money.)

anyway. please fuck shit up. please don't fuck yourself up.

415.202.4378

DOGZPLOT said...

im gonna tell you a short and meaningless story that might end up being longer than i intended... i remember the first day of school in 4th grade, we were broke as shit and i had nothing to wear so my momma made me wear a pair of my stepdads old pants to school. like a dickhead kid i picked out a pair of shitty gray corduroys and rocked em. when i got on the bus kids kept pointing and laughing and i kept thinking, i get it, the pants are shitty, but to laugh this hard... same thing when i got to school, everyone pointing and laughing, pointing and laughing. finally my teacher calls me out into the hallway and tells me that i have a hole in the crotch of my pants and since i didnt have clean tighties that morning one of my balls was sticking out of my pants every time i sat down... i heard about that shit every day until i moved to a different school a year later where the kids were even shittier to incoming poor, fat kids... theres no point to this story really i dont think. shit never gets better. there isnt one day that i dont think about finding a fucking rope or a bridge or a new identity in a place where shit might feel better. but it wont. it never does. but one thing i do know brotha, FUCK GIVING UP. shit is meaningless and hopeless and pointless and tiresome and most likely all for naught. but life is beautiful even when its not... i love you.

ahecho said...

hi sam,
cool to know youve puked in a public place
i did that for the first time today
i ate vitamins on an empty stomach and then ate an apple and drank pomegranate juice
i could hear a lady grunting in the stall beside me
she was having bowel troubles, but i am just making an evaluation
she was probably fine
maybe she was grunting at her life
maybe she was grunting about a text message from her son telling her that he did not consolidate all of the potato chips
your voice is nothing like a grunt
in fact it was really great to hear you read in person
as opposed to me reading your words aloud at three am to myself in the dark on my phone
it is always nice to put a voice to a face
a face to a voice
i tried to hold in my vomit
so i didnt have to throw up in someone else's presence
but her presence was making me feel more ill and
so i uncovered my mouth and plugged both of my ears and stood over the toilet and sort of just did it
it was hard
throwing up in public is now something i have Done
it has been completed
that's cool to know that we have something in common
besides the fact that we were both in columbus, ohio at the same moment
the shared nauseation feels softer and warmer
thanks for being warm and soft and having words that make you fall asleep and puke

Jeremy Bauer said...

I just wanted to say I think you're great. I don't think many people or things are great, I think less of either category is great everyday, but you, Sam, are great. I felt oddly intimidated when I started thinking about interviewing you because I enjoy your work so much. I've never met you in real life, so I don't know if this matters, but I wanted to interview you because your writing is some of the realest I've ever seen. Even though the mag I'm part of right now is pretty small, I know at least a few new people will check out your writing because of it, and I really want your stuff to spread because to me it's important stuff to read. I admire you a great deal and I'm sorry shit's feeling so bummy. Hope things perk up.

josephriippi said...

Don't give up. Keep going.

Mike Bushnell said...

giving up seems like the best way to do even better at what you were previously trying to do. I have found. So throw life up in the air and let it land on your dick. If you don't give up, fuck you.

herocious said...

i always say hi to people i walk by.

Reynard said...

love you, sam. fuck these people, do whatever you need to do to be happy. even if it means literally find all these people and fucking them, you deserve it. btw my friend and i are still planning to make that stop motion film as soon as we stop having way too much to do. maybe christmas?

Anonymous said...

Sam,

Just take a break. Don't write for a bit. Maybe make clay sculptures. Just take a break. Good luck.

Richard Thomas said...

Don't give up, Sam. I love your writing.

Richard Thomas said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

SAAAAAAAM

2008 COULD HAVE BEEN A LOT WORSE FOR MANY EXCEPT GOOD FOR ME BECAUSE I READ YOUR POEMS AT A PARTY DRUNK STANDING ON A TABLE AND NO ONE LISTENED AND I THOUGHT, DOI IT WILL BE THIS WAY FOREVER. BUT LISTEN JUST LISTEN OKAY? IT MEANS SOMETHING THAT I'M NOT SEVERLY DEPRESSED ANYMORE GCHATTING WITH RYAN MANNING BECAUSE THE INTERNET IS A FUCKED UP HALLWAY OF MIRRORS GOING FOREVER AND THE ONLY REAL THING IS THE MIXTAPE I AM LISTENING TO WITH MADONNA SAYING, HI IM MADONNA AND THIS IS NEW YORK SEE THE PUDDLES? AND IT'S NOT MADONNA IT'S SAM PINK AND IT'S THE SONG/POEMS YOU RECORDED THAT USED TO BE ON A PLAYLIST ENTITLED 'BATH' IN 2009 AND IT MEANS SOMETHING THAT YOU ARE GIVING UP TO ME.

WAGNER ISRAEL CILIO

Ken Baumann said...

If you give up, we cannot high five on a beach.

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joel michael colin harvey said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

Don't ever give up, Sam. You're brilliant and we love you.

DJ Berndt said...

i agree with all these people and i don't want you to give up. i think you are making the world more awesome, and i want you to keep doing it.

Anonymous said...

i know how it feels to give up something you love. the pain dries up like a scab, then you pick it and the thing that was most important is gone. you are never the same. your heart is gone so you know you will never love anything again. you are changed. and you have changed someone or someones. there is only one way to prevent all of this- don't pick your scabs.

David M Morton said...

Giving up is brave

lear s. said...

i hope you don't do this sam
i won't ask you not to but
i really hope you don't
you are a good guy, a smart guy, i think you care about what you put into the world
your writing makes people happier than if they hadn't read it
i hope you don't give up

Josh said...

Don't kill yourself Sam. It's never worth it. No matter how shitty life is, it can always get better.

Anonymous said...

Hi Sam,

I want to let you know that for me your writing is special. I have laughed so much, felt connected, felt happiness. Your work has mattered to me.

I swear I quoted you today when I was on lunch break with a colleague. You know that thing you wrote several years ago about dancing on your fathers grave? My colleague thought that was awesome.

Person is important to me. Thank you for sharing that.

When I was at university I was depressed, a little psychotic, incredibly lonely and friendless. I read your blog regularly and it meant something.

I often think of fat chicks with tight vaginas high-fiving.

Please remember that you have made an impact.

I don't understand life either and the only thing I can do for myself is to try to be healthy in the conventional sense. Fresh air, it helps. Good food, walks, sleep, sunshine.

Maybe volunteering will be good, I say go for that.

I care about your unhappiness and I'm rooting for you.

Anna

Pius Gone said...

You make sucking dick sound like a bad thing.
But cereally, I appreciate you, your work, and your humanity.

Anonymous said...

I keep checking back here for some sign that you've changed your mind
because ever since you've written this post, I've been feeling like giving
up too. I'm not going to give you full credit for forming the thought in my
mind but I'd say you've made the pull of it stronger. So many of us, I think,
are on the verge of doing the same. Leaving now could be tantamount
to triggering an avalanche.

Take a break for a bit and come back to us when you're feeling better...or shittier but just come back.

Anonymous said...

The more people who give up the better for those who don't. Don't do it if you don't want to or need to do it. More forced stuff by people who do it because at this point it's what they do is not needed. You can always stop and start again. And you don't have to even announce it on a blog.

The Igloo Oven said...

I hope you've since drank a bottle of port and slept off the bummed out feelings, and are now rejuvenated, writing more stuff.

mrcvndrhlst said...

don't

Alex Miller said...

Sam, the world crazy but it needs you.

Anonymous said...

I just found you I need you not to go.

Sterling said...

Sam to me you are a beautiful woman that i wake up to every day and i like that feeling of having a reason to sleep on the fucking couch.

DeWitt said...

Just buy bigger pants. Sorry you got fat.

savannah louise said...

sam dont give up, at least not forever. you have no idea who i am but you are my favorite writer. sometimes I read your stories in the mornings so i don't have a bad day. i think you're really great. the end.

plechazunga said...

Please don't baby girl. I would miss you.

gustavo.rivera said...

"real" life kinda sucks, and "tourlife" the bomb

Me-Again said...

Before you give up, could you make your books available in an ebook format? I just clicked a little button on Amazon to "tell your publisher" but I'm afraid that might not be enough and I might have to give up myself. :]

mk said...

Don't give up. If you give up, fuck you.

Make Believe Bear said...

re: your funny tour story--

"was nodding off badly"
"could barely stay awake"
"slowly falling forward"
"puke"
"i puked into my balled hand"
"puke more."


sounds a lot like you were on drugs, i.e. bad drugs, e.g. dope.