28.2.13

every time i'm making oatmeal i imagine george foreman in an apron and chef hat holding a pot of oatmeal and he keeps flinging spoonfuls of it at me and saying, "we gon' eat a big ol' mess'a oatmeal." 

YOU PIG

felt close to something like crying today after having perceived myself as being a dick about a money thing.  i punished myself by walking to the post office with no socks wearing my holey ass boots through the snow and puddles.  i kept thinking, "you pig." 

27.2.13

here's an article about a new library in new york.  i think they have a print copy of 'gerald mcclellan vs nigel benn.'  

also, i have a really shitty tattoo gun/kit/whatever it's called.  if anybody on this upcoming tour has clean needles and some ink i'll do tattoos for people.  i did a few on myself years ago and they look really shitty but maybe that can become the cool thing, having shitty looking tattoos. like people can scoff at people who have nicely done tattoos. (i don't know i'm just trying to figure out ways to pay for food.)

also, if anybody knows how to do this let me know.  but i want to have it so whenever someone opens an email from me it plays a quick recording of a tupac laugh.  like where he goes, "eh ah ah ah."




25.2.13

thought i saw a woman stomping a small dog but she was just trying to kick a brown paper bag off her foot because the wind was blowing it against her.

i feel tempted to buy a snowshovel and go door to door next time it snows. 

i slipped and fell hard on my back in the alley after it snowed the other day and it was the kind of hurt that makes you lie there and laugh a little.  lying on your back in the snow in an alley is a good feeling. 

part of me wants to hide in a dumpster on the morning of garbage pick up and then lift the lid when the garbage-person approaches the dumpster and climb out and grab the garbage-person by the shirt and yell, "goddamn it, what year is this."  and the other part of me just wants to help with the garbage pick-up.

a couple weeks ago i was out walking and i passed by a lady scraping ice off her windshield and the closer i got the more i kept thinking, "offer to scrape it for her" and then i almost offered but didn't for some reason and felt shitty walking away.   

24.2.13

THE RAYMOND THIMMES CONSPIRACY

here's a review of rontel.

(get in on the raymond thimmes conspiracy.  did i call him a pussy ass ho?  or was it a bitch ass ho? get your story straight raymond.)

here's another review.

thanks to people for writing reviews.  i appreciate people spending time doing that. 

also, what's the age cut-off for it being acceptable to walk around all day with all the hair on the back of my head sticking up from sleeping on it.  i'm wondering the same thing about tying my boots too. 

just looked to the side and forgot i was typing this and thought, "sniveling sporkolchino." 

 


LIT MAG

i'm starting a short run (lasting only today up until i get the 'right' submission) lit mag called, PILL PLANE.  i encourage you to submit flash fiction stories in the comments sections or to my email address, about characters and the ways they've successfully brought pills on a plane with them, in these modern airport security times. 

23.2.13

HOPE

this a review of rontel

this another one. 

this a review of my friend scott's new book crapalachia

this my friend jereme dean's blog

this my friend jordan's new book.   there's a poem in it about me and him drawing late at night, tossed up on them beans, y'dig?

this a cover of 'she drives me crazy' by kelly schirmann.  we were going to do it as part of an e.p. we're releasing as young family, but i can't fuck with it.  i encourage you to listen to the kelly's cover and the original as much as you can.

think i'm doing an 'author on artist' thing for a blog soon, and i'm doing it on 'the whitten sisters, mallory and lily.'  we'll be looking at mallory's paintings and her much younger sister's writing, including a letter to santa and other good things.  here's a sneak peak:  lily whitten writes "sparkly" like "sporkoly." 

also, last night, late, i passed by an apartment and through the window i could see a tv playing 'kindergarten cop.'  i felt hope. i felt like knocking on the door.  i imagined a classic looking mom and dad answering the door, with children clutching at their legs and the dad says, "why, it's pretty late son, me and the family why, we were just getting ready to sit down and enjoy kindergarten cop."   and then i say, "please help me." 


22.2.13

REALEST PAIN: FUTURE DEAD FRIENDS BACK FROM THE DEAD TOUR 2013


march 11th

7pm
Housing Works Bookstore Cafe
126 Crosby St, New York, New York 10012

march 12th

KGB Bar, new york

march 13th

7pm
cleveland, ohio
Mack's Backs
1820 Coventry Rd  Cleveland Heights, OH 44118

march 14th

8pm
columbus, ohio
539 e. town st. (rear)


march 15th

10 pm
bloomington, indiana
the owlery

21.2.13

should i make sexually-harassing male authors at readings "my thing." 

also, here's the facebook page for the reading on the 11th.  feels really embarrassing to have a release party for a book.  usually my release party is getting an email from cameron that says, "it's out" and then i close my email and stand up and stretch and just stand there.

if anybody wants to play soccer or something while i'm there let me know.  i played soccer last time i was in new york in a big field/park.   

also, i dont know if i have anywhere to stay. 

20.2.13

jordan castro was interviewed by podcast. 

i'll be doing a small tour with jordan coming up. these are the dates.  i'll put up more information at some point.   

march 11, new york
march 12, new york
march 13, cleveland
march 14, bloomington indiana


if anyone wants to buy art to help pay for some shit, email me   sampinkisalive@gmail.com

KRUNGLE-SHMORDS

once you think, 'krungle-shmords' it's hard to stop thinking it randomly. 
lamon brewster vs sirhei liakhovich is a good heavyweight fight.  people call it the last exciting heavyweight fight.  brewster later said that one of his retinas detached in the first round and he said it made everything "look like a painting." 

19.2.13

'...at the same time, who the fuck gives a shit...' is usually the last part of every thought i have

18.2.13

if anyone tries to contact me via the facebook page (facebook.com/sampinkauthor) i dont have control over that page, i didn't make that page so just email me.  but thank you to whoever made that page and updates it. 
there aren't many copies of 'gerald mcclellan versus nigel benn' left.

after they're gone i don't think it will be in print again, at least not until i'm 35 and in need of money because i'm addicted to Diethylenthrophanebupropil 'D/E/B' which is a futuristic drug, known as 'Bumpies' on the street.

i just looked out the window and saw a puppy playing with someone in a yard.  my first thought when i see a puppy or kitty is "i want to eat it" but not like, kill it and eat it, more like, i just want it in my belly still alive and ok. 

if anyone wants to buy art email me  sampinkisalive@gmail.com

if anyone wants me to eat their puppy/kitty (in the above described way) email me


13.2.13

RONTEL/GERALD MCCLELLAN VS NIGEL BENN

RONTEL is  officially out. 

you can buy the print version here.  right now i'm #3 bestselling in 'cats.' 




Rontel


you can buy the e-book version at AMAZONKOBO, and NOOK.  all of these e-book versions, from the time this is posted, until tomorrow night at midnight, have a phone number in them that you can text to receive a sexually-themed text message.  get your clits, dicks and assholes ready! 

also, there are print copies of GERALD MCCLELLAN VS NIGEL BENN available now too, for $10, which includes shipping.  the print copy includes two interviews, and it looks nice.  here is the link for purchasing and for seeing a picture.  (scroll down)
the toronto review of books reviewed rontel
jordan castro's book YOUNG AMERICANS was recently released.  

also my bandmate kelly schirmann ('sherm') is selling prints of her art.  they're really nice. 
we're working on the 'king cobra ep' and it sounds really nice so far. kelly is really talented.  

shortsleeve wintercoat

frozen to death in a chicago apartment.

also, you wanted it, so here it is, my top three ALT LIT pets that i've met so far.

3. Finnegan (elizabeth ellen's cat)

this lil feisty fellow won my heart right away.  he crept out from around the corner and headbutted me and it was love at first sight.  i feel as though Finnegan is a 'silly ass ho' and i love him for it. honestly believe that me and him are brothers somehow.  much luh to Finnegan.  

2.  Amelia (cassandra nguyen's dog)

i dare you to look into those soulful little eyes and not melt. this lil black beauty has nice floppy ears that scream "twist me" but her sass and hard-ass chi-town attitude make you think "i'd better not." i could barely resist picking her up and kissing her head/face until she bit me.

1.  andrew weatherhead's dog (can't remember his name).  whoa, look out.  i'm in andrew's kitchen late one winter night with young jordan castro and we're eating pretzels and from out of the shadows come this pudgy lil darling.  i remember him waddling into the kitchen with his head down, eyes up looking at us like, "yeah so what" doing nervous lip-licking.  i started laughing and then andrew and jordan started laughing and it was good.     


10.2.13

HUFFINGTON POST

this is really funny. 

read the comments.  

my friend jereme dean and i are going to write responses to them and i'll post it here, because this is a serious issue that needs to get addressed.

if you get bored reading the comments, just click on "ooops! pictures of celebrities falling!" on the sidebar.

9.2.13

RONTEL/GERALD MCCLELLAN VERSUS NIGEL BENN

you can buy the print version of 'rontel' here

you can buy the digital version here, and if you do i'll send you a sexual text message when i get the phone in the mail

you can buy a print copy of 'gerald mcclellan vs nigel benn' here. 

7.2.13

ASSMUNCH

i did the valentine's day/february mixtape over at 'the outlet.'  

it includes this softcore erotic picture...do you like me?

5.2.13

you can pre-order the electronic version of RONTEL here. 

electric lit is mailing me a prepaid phone to send sexual text messages to people who order the book on valentine's day.

in the book there will be a phone number and you can text it and i'll text back something like, "yeah i wanna cut your face off and drape it over your ass then fuck you through the mouth-hole into your ass."