i'm starting a short run (lasting only today up until i get the 'right' submission) lit mag called, PILL PLANE.  i encourage you to submit flash fiction stories in the comments sections or to my email address, about characters and the ways they've successfully brought pills on a plane with them, in these modern airport security times. 


Davie said...
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Anonymous said...

i don't think it's very hard. you can just like, hide them in the bottom of a vitamin bottle under a bunch of vitamins and you won't get caught.

James Altucher said...

I had a bottle full of placebos. A girl told me to take them because a bad thing happened to me and she said "the placebo affect" works best in the air.

I went through security and raised my hands.

There's a room in the back where the TSA guys laughed at the size of my penis.

Charles laughed the hardest because his penis was smaller but he didn't want people to know.

Later that night he went home to his wife and she made him a soup. He was feeling bad and wanted a pill.

But none of her pills had the placebo effect and by the morning he was dead.

I arrived at my destination and I had completely forgotten about my bad experience.

The sun in California wiped away the shit. Riding down Rodeo drive, the top down, the placebos raging in my system, girls flirting with me like I was a movie star.

For the first time in my life, God licked the scars off of my face.

sam pink said...

so, up the butt?

sam pink said...

do i putt the pills in a pill bottle then put the pill bottle up my butt?

this seems like a mr. magoo-like comedy short.

what if i just glued pills all around the edge of some sunglasses then wore the sunglasses like it was nothing.

sam pink said...

just thought--loudly and with a lot of pressure in my head--"piss hole piss hole" in relation to nothing.

sam pink said...

"see why publisher's weekly says PILL PLANE is 'sizzling hot and ready to go! a real scorcher. a real sniveling sporkolchino!'"

James Altucher said...

What if the pills were disguised as scabs on your body?

Security thinks you're just gross. The stewardesses ignore you. No mile high.

You go to the bathroom and start picking the scabs. You bleed when the pills chips off the ol' block.

You eat the scabs that were big enough.

Now you're flying.

sam pink said...

finna just fill my mouth and not talk as i walk through security.

James Altucher said...

Then while you make "pill plane" you realize nobody cares about pills anymore.

It's like anyone can get a prescription for any pill.

Pill Plane has to be a magazine about stories about planes made out of pills. Even the fuel is pills.

And when passengers shit in first class its all pills that get dumped out.

Pills rain down everywhere. And people down below think the pills are coming from heaven.

"Gods rainin' pills".

And then God looks down. And on the seventh day he rested.

sam pink said...

just imagined someone shitting pills all over my face

jereme said...

I brought like 3 different bottles of pills to Chicago that last time.

What i did was walk up to the security corridor, put the contents of my pockets in a plastic basket, got half naked, pushed everything through on a conveyor belt which fed it through an xray. A lady named Rhonda pretended to look at the xray but not really. Then I put everything back in my pockets.

Not fucking hard, bro.

I even just left that LSD in my wallet. Those retards don't know what to look for.

jereme said...

I've also brought hash cookies on carry on luggage.

sam pink said...

alright so it's settled, i crush them up and painstakingly glue the dust onto doritos then bring the doritos in my carry on.

jereme said...

Well, when I sent someone in S. Korea some drugs I hid the xanax in a bag of sour patch kids I had cut a small opening in and re-taped.

The person I sent the drugs to said the package had been opened by customs but they didn't catch on to what I did.

Or you could glue each pill over a fingernail and talk with a sassy southern black girl affect.

"shi' girl, ya see dese nails?"

tomhanks said...

my dad told me if you separate the pills in different containers no one will notice, like even if the pills don't correspond with the container labels

i forgot the one container thing and put xanax and adderall and i think something else all in an empty tylenol container in my backpack

went through the thingy...security...

nobody done aks no queshins

then that became my method of doing it, have done it probably 8-12 times, one container

think something about just having them and not hiding them discourages people from asking questions

'how quickly i forget' people actually have prescriptions for these things

also, CD jewel cases seem good for this. or at least that's what i mail pills in, like hidden under the hinge of the jewel case

it's nice that they're called 'jewel cases'


probably check that bag though, that secret pill CD probably wouldn't fare well with that x-ray machine

putting them all in your mouth seems good

James Altucher said...

Shit. I went to sleep (2 klonopin) and I missed the entire debut of Pill Plane.

Then the scandal, the fall, the press, the rumors. I'm glad I played a small role though. Thanks for making it happen. Thanks for making something happen to me.

sam pink said...

be funny to either eat a handful of pills right in front of the security guard then try to immediately puke them into my hand on the other side of security, or tape them to the inside of my buttcheek. feel like, if i do the latter, they'd be so entertained by the sight of pills taped to my buttcheek (rather than the classic 'up the keester') that they'd see it as playful ignorance, instead of deceit. just imagined a laughing security guard handing me back a strip of tape with some pills stuck it and an ass hair or two and s/he saying, "you're all right kid."

Anonymous said...

You may have seen me in the video "Three Kids, One Sandbox". I had a dildo shoved in my urethra. It is now a nice storage vessel. The only thing is when I cum.. if you swallow, you end up getting high. Airport security never really sucks my dick though. I am now in Tampa with far too many Mexican-made xanax bars stuck in there. Pissing is awkward.

sam pink said...

tom hanks coming through with the real ish.