20.3.13

sometimes i notice i've been grinding my jaw all day

i have about 20 physical copies (handmade by kelly 'big $herm' schirmann) of 'you ruined it' by our band 'young family.'

each one comes with a custom collage/handmade package signed by kelly and me. 

sampinkisalive@gmail.com

also, the only part of any dream i can remember in a long time was last night, during which someone said to me, 'i work at the sears tower' and then i made a shithead face and said, 'you mean the willis tower'

46 comments:

Kyle Eldridge said...

the bruce willis tower is what i thought of

sam pink said...

what if like, bruce willis is always in the tower somewhere and if you find him, you get a certificate for a free lunch from a foodcart on the 63rd floor or whatever, and the free lunch ends up being like, a sandwich made using a soft pretzel for the bread and also a small bag of chips and an orange (can you even imagine!)

jereme said...

The Bruce Willis Tower was at my previous location of employment. They called it "Noguchi Tower" though.

I don't give a shit about the collage but will buy a physical copy if Kelly throws in a pair of used panties.

Kyle Eldridge said...

lol...havent had a soft pretzel in so long. i really miss those. i used to get my mom to buy them for me when i was like 8. whenever i go to a mall i will look for bruce willis now

kelly schirmann said...

jesus, finally. let's talk figures, bro. it's not like i'm wearin this shit for my own benefit.

sam pink said...

see it used to be called the 'sears tower' and now it's called the 'willis tower' because new people bought it.

just a little fun tidbit about chi town.

also, did you know, that everything east of michigan (think this is accurate) is built on land formed by basically bulldozing the chicago that was destroyed by the great fire into the lake? i mean come on!

sam pink said...

so like, imagine chicago (the old wooden version) completely burned and destroyed, and then they pushed all the debris into the lake and it formed like, new land. talk about a shitshow!

sam pink said...

also, just imagined myself and kelly at a dice game and jereme walks up and taps a huge cigar ash onto the ground and says, "dice are fun, but i plays with panties" and then kelly holds out her empty hand, opened, and there's a dinging sound and women's underwear appear in her hand and she rolls them like dice.

sam pink said...

also, just to be clear, i'm cool with my life ending at any point now.

sam pink said...

i have this thing that i do to calm myself where i mime screaming into a microphone and imagine myself pushing up against an angry crowd trying to beat my ass at like, a concert in a warehouse and all the girls have that piercing through the middle of their noses and i'm shirtless and effortlessly pushing people back by the throat/punching them hard.

jereme said...

I read this comment thread while imagining myself jumping off the top of Sears Tower, hands above my head, clutching kelly's panties like a tiny parachute.

kelly schirmann said...

i have no qualms about any of this. dirty panties have been furthering people's artistic careers since the dawn of man, duh. jd is in charge of expanding the panty game to seedier outlets. 20% finders fee, plus i'm willing to negotiate one of those 'buy 10 get 1 free' type punch card thingies (TASTEFUL)

sam pink said...

for some reason i can't stop seeing myself dressed in business clothes at a job interview for some kind of corporate job and there are three other older businessmen in the room, all looking at me waiting for an answer and i look at all of them and say, "uh, well no, i guess i wouldn't have any problem using the phrase 'yumpin yimminy' more often, sure."

jereme said...

We can be the jamba juice of soiled g-strings.

I'm going to do a 'pop-up shop' on Hollywood and Western tonight.

I've been asked to go half on an 8-ball of coke by a stranger. It was around 4pm on a school night.

Feel like we will be rolling in money soon.

yumpin yimminy!

jereme said...

*on that corner

sam pink said...

a little bit ago i was in The Loop and this dude in like, a detective coat, came up to me on the corner and was like, "ey, you want some coke." i looked at him because i didnt know if i'd heard right. he said it again. i said, "from you?" he said, "yeah from me man, the fuck." i just smiled.

jereme said...

I've been asked to sell cocaine many times on that same corner.

But the time I mentioned was surreal. I was walking down Western, almost to Hollywood Blvd, and this bald armenian guy in a minivan is parked in the entrance of a motel.

He yells excitedly "hey, you want to go half on an 8-ball of coke with me?!"

No introduction or greeting, not even on the low-key.

I laughed and said, "what?" thinking I heard wrong.

He said the same words.

I couldn't believe he was that stupid/brazen and repeated what he said back: "So you want me to pay for half an 8-ball of cocaine?"

When he responded, "yeah man!" I told him he was a fucking moron then walked to Ralph's and bought some neck bones for my dog.

If he had asked to go half on Kelly's panties... whole different ending, holmes.

kelly schirmann said...

damn i used to live at ~vermont & franklin. don't take those drug solicitations for granted yo. eventually, even after you leave that shithole, you'll wake up longing for little armenian knife fights followed by six pupusas + some agua fresca

jereme said...

Vermont and Franklin is Beverly Hills compared to where I live which is on Hollywood and Gramercy.

House of PIes is all I have to say.

I'll never leave this place even when I leave.

I mean, I do have the words "Hollywood Daddy" tattooed on my chest.

kelly schirmann said...

you get double street cred, daddy, although i know there are yappy dogs over there too. house of pies is shit. FATBURGER OR DEATH.

kelly schirmann said...

ey yo dj ectocooler, i think from now on we should only do young family correspondence through random//offensive comment threads on your blog.

so hey, i got some pretty dope goodness cookin on kc4. now that i reclaimed my voice from frigid temps & carlo rossi i'll be tossin it your way soon.

this pepperoni goblet of OE's for you

sam pink said...

thought i lost all the new songs today when it read 'fatal error' on my computer. but it seems ok. will back them up tomorrow.

sam pink said...

also, hurry the fuck up. we might be able to get this papa johns commercial deal if we get some product together soon.

jereme said...

Man, there are yappy dogs everywhere. They suck.

Just imagined Sam laying a sugarbird on her back, reaching into his pants to whip out the dick, feeling nothing, then making a terrorified facial gesture while the words FATAL ERROR flash in red over his crotch.

sam pink said...

i'm eating a big ol mess'a oatmeal right now.

i want to be the singer in a band called 'fatal error' and every song starts when i yell 'go' over the opening guitar riff.

jereme said...

think the "fatal error" should be a japanese surf punk band, which would explain why you only know word go.

the introduction would sound like this: fatar ellol - go! BITCHEN GUITAR RIFF

jereme said...

i really need to start proof reading.

sam pink said...

i keep envisioning myself sitting naked alone in a room and i say, 'there's been...a fatal error' and then extinguish a cigarette on one of my testicles

kelly schirmann said...

you best cool that tude, brah. papa johns works for ME, got it? ME. that shit-ass franchise would be up fucked creek if it weren't for my VERY GENEROUS and also STARTLINGLY CONSISTENT $9.95 donations every other 2:30am

if you start FATAL ERROR i'll start FETAL ERROR. or fetal terror. or probably both.

actually fuck it, can we just change our name to 'fetal error' for the next album only?

kelly schirmann said...

"new young family side project FETAL ERROR releases new KING COBRA ep, crime rates skyrocket, second baby boom, widespread spiritual ascension, free cheeseburgz"

sam pink said...

just saw myself tucking a long patch of purple hair behind my ear, on an otherwise shaved head, and saying, "hey, we're fetal error."

sam pink said...

it would be so sweet if there were a movie called 'fatal error' about some kind of futuristic world and the narrator was roy jones jr.

jereme said...

Just imagined your vision but with the addition of the robot from rocky iv next to you spinning in circles with hands raised above his head.

jereme said...

in that futuristic movie kelly is still ordering papa john's every other 2:30am.

sam pink said...

roy jones jr: "see, thing was, killy luh papa john's, but she dinnow about the fatal error, becowz y'see at's how much she luh papa johns, hehe."

kelly schirmann said...

futuristic fatal error 'movie' is actually an 88-minute anti-drug psa // commercial for papa johns where at the end it pans across a nuclear landscape, eventually ending up at a disgusting garbage-laden dinner table, where i slowly lift my head up from the debris, 'ronis all up on my face, & go '....now THAT... was a fatal error' and then pass out in a pile of trash

sam pink said...

saw a small wrinkly-ass pepperoni drooping, then falling off your face before you fall over

jereme said...

imagined a dirty 10-year-old boy with green glowing eyes aggressively masturbating underneath the dinner table.

doing his own shit.

jereme said...

On further inspection, the boy is a young Jack Lord.

kelly schirmann said...

googled 'jack lord' & then 'papa johns founder' & it turns out both of them are the same hologram shithead, i'm thinking one of you oughtta 'take care' of these 'problems' maybe 'tonight around 2:45am PST' (allowing 15 mins for my mozz sticks to finish up)

kelly schirmann said...

i do NOT recommend googling 'mozz sticks' without safe-search enabled, it is EXTREMELY inappropriate

kelly schirmann said...

http://fifteenspatulas.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/MozzarellaSticks3.jpg

jereme said...

the 'butter sauce' from the john's is the anal expression of a fat space alien named Slaggy, who happens to be the 5th ex-wife of Alf.

jereme said...

in futuristic wastelands, the mozz are used as tampons.

jereme said...

obviously futuristic wastelands was previously called "mother russia" before the apocalypse.

sam pink said...

imagined myself barely saving the songs from a virus on my computer, and being like, 'phew' and then seeing 'don't google search mozz sticks' and thinking, 'hmm' then google searching 'mozz sticks' and my computer immediately says, 'fatal error' and i just throw my hands up and smile, shaking my head a little and thinking, 'you've done it this time.'