9.6.13

sometimes when i'm on craigslist i imagine a young craig in his room, laboring over his list, and then right outside his window, his enemy pulls up on a bike, and the girl craig likes is on the back of the bike holding onto craig's enemy, and craig's enemy is wearing those old blue and red 3D glasses, and craig's enemy says, "heyyyy craig, still working on that stewpit list?  give it up man, nobody cares about that shit, looooooooser" and then he rings his bike bell and drives away laughing a high-pitched bully laugh, like, 'hih hih!' and craig looks down at his list and says, "one day, they'll care." 

11 comments:

Anonymous said...

lol

shaun gannon said...

i need to know more about craig's enemy.

sam pink said...

walter 'tunes' johansson (b.1985 in flint michigan) was a boy who never quite fit in, even in his own skin you might say. the son of a distant father and a pcp-addicted mother, walter never had anyone to talk to. except his ants. he kept a jar of ants outside in the toolshed where his father kept his prize riding mower 'suzie.' walter would sit on suzie's hood for hours on end and wistfully tell the ants tales of honor and triumph. he'd act out battles between 'good guys' and 'bad guys' in front of the ants. but then one day...the ants all died. 'i didn't know they had to eat' thought walter, sitting on suzie's hood while staring at the little lifeless ant bodies. in a fit, he threw the jar against the wall. afraid his father would be upset over the broken glass, he went to clean it up. but what's this? a pair of 3D blue and red shades in a coffee can on a secret shelf? putting the shades on, walter knew something was different. he wasn't walter anymore. he was 'tunes.' he was new. the next day at school 'tunes' (at lunch talking to his crush Debbie Farnsworth about how he 'really liked tunes a lot, like jamming out to some tunes you know?') noticed that Debbie was looking at aanother boy, Craig Shinkelballs. Who was this Craig, and why such devotion to this list of his? Debbie had overheard Craig muttering to himself in class, something about 'pianos for free, must pick up' and 'get paid $$$ to put up flyers!!!' 'tunes' noticed Debbie staring at Craig, and knew that he would make it his life's goal to ensure the list never saw the light of day. "more like, 'craigs-fist'" thought 'tunes' chewing his pizza puff and staring at Craig. "because like, i'm going to punch him with my fist" thought 'tunes' to clarify.

trevor john said...

I want to create a children's television show with you.

Anonymous said...

I think Craig Newmark would enjoy reading this.

Anonymous said...

Sam Pink, you brightened my day :)

Whatevs said...

I think I'm bored on the inside. I am listening to queer pop. And I feel like people are too interested in being entertained. Like all people want is to be entertained by one another without too much going on the inside.

shaun gannon said...

i learned a lot today

Geneviève said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Geneviève said...

Sounds like a scene in a coming-of-age movie from the 80's.

sam pink said...

hawks up 1-0.