31.8.13

a thought i have a lot--directed at myself--is "control your bitch."


30.8.13

POLITICALQUESTION MALE

one type of person that seems to always be at a reading is 'political question male.' there's always a male who, if given the chance to ask the reader(s) questions, will ask political questions in a way such that he tries to make what you've read a 'true' or 'false' statement based on vague/abstract political ideas, such that he puts the reader(s) in a position of having to defend the creative writing they've done, as though it were about to be law the next day. the motive of 'political question male' is not to genuinely find out what you think, or test his own ideas, but simply to display himself in front of others, in an effort to find out who's 'right' and who's 'wrong.'  be prepared friends, for 'political question male' is a worthy foe, and will stop at nothing to try and prove how the story you just read will not be politically viable in ruling a nation. bonus identification tip:  he will often be wearing a blazer with jeans, and have some sort of backpack/bag. also, remember that to 'political question male' politics isn't something universal, something that is a part of every moment of every person's life, but instead, a set of carefully read texts and ideas. 
feel like i'm getting to that place where my immediate reaction to anyone coming up to me will be to try and bite them. 

29.8.13



  Scott McClanahan HILL WILLIAM Book Trailer from Holler Presents on Vimeo.

scott sent me an earlier draft of this book and i just started reading it and it's good. 

find out why many are calling it, 'simply scrumptious...a literary cannonball into the deep end of what it feels like tof usf in some kind of whoa and i mean it like good!!!
i feel like no matter what happens in a book, i will like it a lot if it ends with the sentence, "And with that, s/he finally--finally and truly--understood the neighbor's dog."

27.8.13

i'm going to write an article called something like 'ten quickly written and un-thought-out essays' for this website.  so if people want to just list things in the comments section, for example 'paperclips' or 'fun' or anything like that, then i'll pick ten and write a paragraph long essay on each where i just write out what i'm thinking. 
i just thought, in a way that was like 'huh, whaddya know!'and not mean-spirited, that i would rather be talking to someone who is intensely religious, like brainwashed and trying to convert me, than someone who is into pop culture news/events. 

25.8.13

one of the things i say most to my cat rontel is, 'if i go out, i'm taking you with me' then think about an image of both of us hanging from the same noose. 
using the word 'overrated' or 'underrated' to critique someone's work means that you believe that your own perception of other peoples' perceptions of the work is part of the work and somehow important to it.  it also means you view your own perception as objectively/accurately placing worth on the work, rather than accepting that a used bandaid in the gutter is more highly rated to someone than a certain book/work.  basically, it means you are (for whatever reason) upset about how other people view something, and feel the need to voice that upset-feeling, rather than just accepting both your own opinion and those of others as equally accurate ratings. 
guy/girl whose job it is to step out of the shadows holding a spiked bat whenever a reader begins to tell a long story before his/her reading. 
always bomb back
a review of 'person'

thank you to everyone in finland who was helpful and nice.  i really appreciate it. 

i did four readings.  the one below was for the ambassdor's wife, in private.  she asked me to read to her then filmed it at the embassy.  at another reading, an open mic, there were a surprising amount of finnish rappers.  the main reading was last night and it was really nice.

kiitos to everyone, laura, errka, ville, kiimo and everyone else. 


21.8.13

NORTH POLE


five people were just shot on monday. 

this is the layout for the gangs in the area of uptown in 'no hellos diet' and 'rontel'

Conservative Vice Lords
Wilson to Montrose and Clarendon to Broadway "Uptown Lawds"

Conservative Vice Lords & Traveling Vice Lords
Leland & Magnolia

Black P Stones
Wilson & Magnolia

Imperial Insane Vice Lords
Leland & Beacon

Gangsta Disciples
Sheridan Road and Leland to Lawrence - "Uptown Gangsters"

Gangsta Disciples
Lawrence & Winthrop -"4848"

UPDATE

i posted about handwriting a long poem called 'the midwest' on a full-sized chicago flag, below.  i have one now but a couple people asked for them so if you want to buy one, i'll just keep making them until i'm like, 'i dont want to do this anymore.'  so email me if yo uwant to buy one   sampinkisalive  at gmail  dot com.  i would also like to say thank you to anyone who has ever spent any money on something i've done.

20.8.13

FREE BOOK

there's an offer for a free copy of 'no one can do anything worse to you than you can' (a book of four long poems, including 'you hear ambulance sounds and think they are for you') in the comments section of the post two below this one (the flag post).  if you put your address in the comments section (or maybe even just your email) then the person will mail you a free copy of the book/contact you about mailing it. 
this thursday through sunday i'll be in finland doing some readings.  the main one is here. 
i have a full sized chicago flag (3 x 5 i think) and i'm going to handwrite as much of the poem 'the midwest' on it as i can.  i can probably fit the whole poem on it.  if anyone wants to buy it, email me.


matt margo made a video of himself reading a few things from 'the collected suicide notes.'  

if you make a video of yourself reading anything from it, email it to me   sampinkisalive   at   gmail  dot com. 

19.8.13

the lady on this fashion blog has recommended my books.  (scroll down if you dont believe me)

from what i've read, she also likes pizza and running. 
the 'you ruined it' cassette tapes will be mailed out soon.  there was a delay in them being mailed to kelly. if you email kelly about it, be nice to her. she helped make the songs and the cassette and she's not going to make much if any money off this and she's a GRADE-A SWEETIE so be nice. 
this one's called "seemingly impossible to have even a happy thought without some kind of dark feeling accompanying it." 


18.8.13

THE COLLECTED SUICIDE NOTES  is on goodreads. 

is this 'promotion'

am i doing it right.

17.8.13

if anybody wants to record him/herself reading anything from the 'collected suicide notes' book i will post the video here.  email me it to me

ps:  if michelle hrycun still reads this blog, i used to have a video of you reading a poem of mine while taking a bath but now i can't find it and would like to post it.

idea for a movie where a person from the southside of chicago moves up north for a job and ends up fully-convinced that all the cubs fans are zombies and starts brutalizing them. 

MISSED CONNECTION

me: walking

you: driving by and, from the tinted-window backseat of your friend's car, you yelled 'come get some nigga.'

would like to meet up whenever, wherever. 
i've been to lake michigan many times and not once has my wish been granted that a giant creature comes out of the lake and shits on the city. 

16.8.13

wtfgas = 'who the fuck gives a shit'

this seems like a 'negative' or 'mean' thing to think, but when i think it, i almost always become less petty
two things that are helpful for me to think are:

1. any problem i have is my problem.  like, in the simplest way, none of my problems would exist if i didn't. 

2. there are a lot of things i have no control over and it feels good to not fight that. 

THE WORST KIND OF GARBAGE pt 1

people who self-identify as 'positive' or 'chill'  where those things basically mean being ignorant to others/others' worlds and never having to face conflict. 


15.8.13

that moment when you start to have a little feeling/emotion and you look back on having just acted out of not having any feelings/emotions. 

that weird weird moment.

that moment when you don't have any feelings/emotions and you look back on having just acted out of having feelings/emotions.

that weird weird moment. 


somebody should write a book called 'T-Bone Deadly:  Laser Cop'

also, something to do when you're in the passenger side of a car and the driver parks your side close to something and asks, "can you get out" is to look at him/her with no expression, glancing from mouth to eyes a few times, then say, "there's never a way out."




for anybody who won't order from amazon or lives somewhere amazon won't ship, you can order books from Powell's Bookstore, or Barnes and Noble, or email the editor at Lazy Fascist Press, cameron pierce, (cameroncpierce  at  gmail  dot com). 

14.8.13

whenever i pass by someone who's out yelling nonsense to him/herself and like, waving his/her arms around and shaking his/her head, i never think 'that person is crazy' or 'i'm afraid of that person' i always think 'that person has reached the next level.' 

12.8.13

FLAKE-ASS HO-ASS

briefly imagined an olympic sport called 'floor feeling-bad' where, on the same floor as gymnastics, participants just walk out into the middle of the floor and the camera zooms in on just his/her face and the announcers quietly discuss how well or not-well the participant is accepting of feeling bad for seemingly no reason. 

2 good reasons not to kill yourself

1. to keep punishing yourself
2. to keep punishing others


10.8.13

realized i currently view my mental health/thoughts as working towards being 'free' where being 'free' means ultimately not really participating in thigns with most other people and feelign good about it and not needing things from other people at all.  like an umbro-wearing tree. 
the collected works hardcover book is only 20 dollars now.  four books for 20 dollars.  hardcover.  succulently exquisite dustjacket.  you'd be a dundering chowderhead not to

7.8.13

the sound of umbros peeling off a wooden chair after sitting down for a long time in hot weather then getting up

6.8.13

a sports moment i identify with psychologically is in the second duran/leonard fight (the 'no mas' fight) where ray charles is singing 'america' in the ring before the fight and roberto duran is just smiling, staring across the ring at leonard. 

THE COLLECTED SUICIDE NOTES

THE COLLECTED SUICIDE NOTES  is now out. 

it's 464 pages, hardcover with a dustjacket. 

it's almost 30 dollars but that includes selections from 'i am going to clone myself then kill the clone and eat it',  the entire text of 'frowns need friends too', the entire text of 'no one can do anything worse to you than you can' and the entire text of 'gerald mcclellan vs nigel benn' (which isn't in print anywhere else). 

so that's four books for 30 dollars!?  whoa, fuck!


MALORT

i hung out with paula bomer and her son the other night. i met them at the 'W' hotel downtown by the lake. neither of the bars at the hotel had 'malort.'  the lobby bar had never heard of it and the upstairs bar didn't have it.  if you're a bar in chicago and you dont carry malort, you're bullshit. after the hotel bar, paula and i went looking for a smaller type bar.  we found one called 'second story.' out front of the bar, this guy comes out with a girl and as he passes he looked at me and said, 'oh he's cute.'  it was a gay bar.  paula was the only female there.  the bar was awesome. when the bartender foudn out paula was from new york, he gave us all our drinks for free. actually when he found out paula was from new york, he screamed 'newwwwww yorrrrrrrrk' for almost an entire minute sustaining it. then later on he let paula go behind the bar to pour drinks for people. the bartender hung out with us and asked me if i was straight and if i knew i was hot.  he asked me like he was asking if i knew my clothing was on fire. when paula and i left, we each hugged the bartender and he snuck a kiss on my neck.  then paula and i went back to the hotel and sat out front and her son came back out and these two kids rode up on bikes and asked paula for a cigarette.  they told us about being 'neutrons' which is gang-neutral. i yelled 'everybody killa.'  then one of them laughed and said, "EBK motherfucker."  then i threw up a bunch of gangsigns and we talked about gangs in the neighborhoos we live in.  then when they saw how tall paula's son is (6'4") they wanted to take a picture with him. they were all the same age. they kept saying, 'damn nigga, you a tall-ass nigga.'  then i fake boxed against paula and one of the kids. he had his hat to the left a little and i told him to straighten it. he laughed and said, "this nigga knows whats up." he asked me if paula was my wife and when i said no, he held out his hand and we clapped hands and he pulled me in a little and said, 'hey, keep her gorgeous man, really.'  it was funny. after they left i went home.  i walked five miles out of downtown and the sun started to come out an i could see the skyline when i turned and looked over my shoulder. a guy came up to me and said he was stuck in the city and his mom was waiting for him in rockford. i didn't have money but i gave him a train card and he thanked me.

  
next person who breaks into my apartment will be shot in the face and fed to the rats in the alley. 

5.8.13

music video idea where the band is playing on someone's front lawn and a nextdoor neighbor sticks his/her head out the upstairs window and yells, "Hey what's going on here!" and then someone in the band says, "we're playing some fucking tunes you gotta problem with that?"  and then the neighbor says, "Yeah, it ain't loud enough!!" and then starts laughign and his/her head just falls off and when it hits the ground outside, the music starts back up simultaneously 
noticed i was staring at a roll of duct tape thinking, 'oh i didn't even put my hat on today' while imagining me just wrapping it around my forehead and face. 


4.8.13

i encourage someone on a major press to write a serious/'good' book and then demand it be titled something like 'big booty bonerland chronicles'

3.8.13

i want to start doing this thing where i profile dogs/cats in chicago.

if you have a dog or cat and live in chicago or a nearby suburb, and would like me to come hang out with your pet for a day then write a profile on them, email me    sampinkisalive   at  gmail  dot com.

i'm also willing to do this with grandparents, crazy aunts, babies, whatever!!

i'm also serious about this. 
somebody date this girl

THE BREAKDOWN:

seems like a solid young woman living in ohio.

PLUSES

* somewhat anti-social/introverted
* likes martin heidegger
* seemingly does not have a 'group of friends'

CONS

*likes my books (could be dealing with a truly horrendous piece of shit here fellas...)




anyway, hope everyone's having a blast of a summer!!!
 
i encourage people to email me more links to dating profiles that include me so i can help



also, here's a fun thing to think whenever you're with people you don't like or at a place you don't like:  "paging al qaeda!" (said in 'check please!' voice)


well, there you have it. 

just another bullshit post from a sniveling nitwit.

no, more like a bumbling imbecile.

or like, no, a wretched nincompoop

fucking sniveling ass wretched nincompoop.

just another bullshit post from a bumbling dunderhead. 
it'd be funny to say, 'timeout! timeout!' while getting arrested. 

2.8.13

i'm going to be reading here on the 24th of august i think.

just pictured myself crashing in the plane, into the ocean, and i'm cut in half by the crash but i have just enough energy to lift my half body out of the wreckage and lay on a floating wing while i look at the sun and die, probably a line from a twista song in my head, or an image of rontel falling asleep.

also, Spork Press is going to put out the cassette version 'the king cobra ep' with letter pressed cassette art.