somebody date this girl


seems like a solid young woman living in ohio.


* somewhat anti-social/introverted
* likes martin heidegger
* seemingly does not have a 'group of friends'


*likes my books (could be dealing with a truly horrendous piece of shit here fellas...)

anyway, hope everyone's having a blast of a summer!!!
i encourage people to email me more links to dating profiles that include me so i can help

also, here's a fun thing to think whenever you're with people you don't like or at a place you don't like:  "paging al qaeda!" (said in 'check please!' voice)

well, there you have it. 

just another bullshit post from a sniveling nitwit.

no, more like a bumbling imbecile.

or like, no, a wretched nincompoop

fucking sniveling ass wretched nincompoop.

just another bullshit post from a bumbling dunderhead. 


Anonymous said...

Find me a someone who thinks I'm awesome, can tolerate mood swings, and can initiate every conversation!!!!! Make sure they know this gal is practically mute, excessively insecure, and TOOOTALLY AVAIL BOYZ

trevor john said...

You need to make sweet, emotionless, and utterly detached love to her. Then recite the names of each sperm cell swimming on, in, and around her.

sam pink said...

anonymous, you sound good. follow up questions: do you view 'going to shows' as part of who you are? how many things do you consider the 'best thing ever.' approximately how many times is something 'super'-(something) a day? when you're at a party, do you 1. validate meaningless talk or do you just kind of stand there praying for a boulder to crush you.

sam pink said...

trevor, watch it, you blithering dunderhead

sam pink said...

anonymous, just re-read your comment and saw that you shortened 'available' to 'avail.' is this a common practice for you? for instance do you say things like 'totes' or 'neigbs' for 'neighbors.' or do you add extra shit to one syllable words, for instance 'funzers!!' instead of 'fun!!'

Matt said...

Holy shit, Sam, I know this person, she is a good friend of mine. Just the other day, we were actually talking about what would happen if you ever found her profile, hehe.

But just so that the public knows, I am not whoever contacted Sam about the profile. Also, the anonymous person who posted the first comment here is not the same person with the profile.

Marina said...

how far is ohio from chicago? you should message her and ask her for a date somewhere half way between. it would make her regain faith in life and the internet and you would feel good about yourself for doing the good deed of the week and maybe have fun or something, win win situation.

ps. you were in my dream last night, you and 17 little people who were aliens and the purple ghost from pacman. the aliens were all concerned about their weight and they were putting cream on the stretch marks from pasts pregnancies as they traveled in line to somewhere. can't remember what you, the purple ghost and I were doing.

sam pink said...

matt, sweet. remind her that there is no one out there for anyone though, and true companionship and love will always seem just slightly outside of your grasp.

marina, for some reason i just thought about eating a bunch of cotton balls and then trying to throw it up, like a cloud.

Matt said...

My first thought in response to your comment was "Yabba dabba doo." Waiter, where's that check???

Anonymous said...

Going to shows is not who I am. Everything's pretty good to me, I never use the word super. And I don't go to parties, I wouldn't know. It's just avail. I do say neighbs! I done good?!

Jordan Castro said...

don't have okcupid, tell her abt me if you think i'd think she's cute and give her my email address...

i just got out of jail and i've lost most if not all of my friends so a new girl inmy life might be good