28.2.14

i'd like you to join me in this hole
guys who say/do disrespectful shit to women but then get pissed if you joke about their mom

27.2.14

life like every moment is trying to push a dead body out of the driver's seat of a moving car, to try and take control.
chapbook called 'networking assholes'
chapbook called 'getting blown while rubbing pussy'
when i hear 'foody' i immediately think 'asshole.'
much love to my people who feel like there are metal shavings in their blood
when you're younger, less people should push the whole 'follow your dreams' thing on you and say shit like, 'hey, you know, you might end up angry and lonely with no real purpose in life.'
it'll never be ok
i feel bad for anyone who has to deal with me, if even for like, one conversation.  i'm a fucked up mess with no hope.  don't deal with me.  i don't think i've been happy since i was like, i dont know.  there's like, a scream behind my forehead by my hairline and it just keeps throbbing and i can't get it out.  i just never feel ok. don't try and make me feel better.  
that feeling that it's ok to let today pass because there's going to be something in the future but you don't know what
story about how everyone died in the 2014 winter in chicago but no one knew they were dead so they kept going.
involuntarily clamping down your jaw all day, and you're not sure if it's to keep your mouth shut, fight off tears, or try and eat your own head
that terrible feeling that no matter what situation you're in/what you've accomplished/will accomplish, you will still always have the same heart and head and it will be bad.

26.2.14

special type of surgery where the doctor agrees to cut open your chest, allowing access to your heart, then closes it back a little, but only enough so you can get on the bus and sit down next to someone and say, 'hey check this shit out' then open your shirt and reach into your chest and rip your own heart out before laughing a little and falling to the floor of the bus
new type of depression where the inside of your head feels 'scraped.'
fantasizing about allowing myself to be publicly executed (arrow to the heart) if there was some kind of agreement about others benefiting from it
that feeling of being out on the street between like 4-5 am when no one else is out and you think, 'ok i'm ready' but there's nothing so you just go home
constant feeling of whatever the opposite of a hug is
crashlanded alien trying to figure out what it means to 'have fun.'

22.2.14

felt possible to crush my head while i was holding it just now
something to do if you were going to a social gathering of some kind would be to secretly bring a two liter of Sprite and some plastic cups and then after interacting with people for a little bit say you have to go to the bathroom and go fill up cups for everyone and come back into the room holding all the cups and say, 'ok everyone, now who wants Sprite?' and hand out all the cups, saying things like 'there we go' and 'that's it' after handing out each cup.
what's shitting on a grave without wiping your ass off on the grass too
RIP to the squirrel i saw injured and motionless, looking up at me from the sidewalk.  sorry brother, i didn't know what to do and i didn't want to be late for work.
doing things without any idea of reward/karma/heaven/afterlife, is seemingly more pleasing than expecting things to be rewarded.
a peaceful, generally remorseless way to live is to never feel like you deserve anything, even if you worked hard for it
much love to my people living with a head that would kill other people in seconds
urge to start a thing where, whenever i go somewhere indoors, i carry a big bowl of chili with me and then when i enter i say (to anyone there), 'man if i don't hurry up i'll be late for the ch-' then trip forward, spilling the chili all over, then, still lying on the ground, shake my head and say, 'well shoot'
noticed that, in reaction to feeling bad the other day, i involuntarily thought, 'well fuck it i can always just live in my nut hut' and then imagined myself living in a giant hollowed out acorn in the woods.

20.2.14

urge to start approaching random people in public and saying, 'hey, i just want you to know i think it's really shitty what you did...just so you know.'
going to start prefacing everything i say with 'now this how it's gon be...'
a lot of times when some asshole makes a comment about a woman's appearance my immediate response is 'you're lucky that anyone would fuck you at all you dumbass.'
going to start responding to 'moustache ride' references with a serious look on my face, then saying 'some rides....they never end.'
the controversial opinion that an ass is truly great when you think about literally eating it, like cooking it and eating it.

17.2.14

image of a boot stomping the planet down deeper into a bag of garbage
recommend 'joe frazier: beyond the glory' documentary
the beautiful feeling of stopping any resistance to the pile of shit coming down on you and just letting it bathe you with no complaints
looking forward to donating my spirit to a gust of wind blowing over Lake Michigan
lifetime achievement award for taking out garbage for money

13.2.14

scott mc clanahan and i will be reading in kansas in april.

just wanted to give people a head's up if you'd like to plan either of our (both of our?) assassinations.  

fantasy where i eat everyone's pets whole and then die and wake up as myself in a field with all the pets

missed connection

you were in the alley yelling at a dumpster and going 'ooooh oooooh' while grabbing at imaginary things in the air.  i gave you two bucks but i didn't have that cigarette you wanted.  can we still be friends?
remake of terminator called 'jibarito terminator' starring me as the terminator
was 'pro wrestler' or 'ice cream truck driver' or 'already dead' anyone else's childhood ambition

missed connection

to the two older puerto rican ladies hitting on me in spanish in line at the convenience store: what's good?
one way i get through things i don't like doing is to remind myself that being able to do them is some kind of honor
love/care/concern with no fear and hate/attack/dismiss the same way
knuckle tattoos that read 'loud pack'

12.2.14

author photo of myself shrugging/smiling with my own come on my face
the increasing delight of randomly headbutting things in a way that hurts
often find myself listening to other peoples' conversations then having an 'itching urge' to just say something like, 'yeah well when i do puzzles i always start with the perimeter it's the only way!!!'
bring your kids/babies to any readings you see me at so i have people to talk to
life like your personality is the equivalent of trying to maintain order in a room full of kids.
i've always thought the truest sign of success is/was described by twista when he says, 'i got niggas rolling me b's just so they can hang.'
depression like burying yourself alive with a busted-ass toy plastic shovel
nobody who writes/enjoys writing is cool or a rebel or anything, myself included, so let's just abandon the 'rebel writer' 'badboy/badgirl' writer thing.
that weird feeling that there's only a hell when someone asks you for something you have and you hesitate
just had an image of my brain as a nerf football ripped in half and covered in ants
that abruptly-empty feeling (like the sound of a single drip of water in a gigantic tunnel) when you survey the not-too distant future and there's nothing much there for you
there should be an option, like a reverse emancipation, where you can revert back to minor status to be adopted by someone.
image of myself laying on the ground and putting my head on a golf tee then winking up at the golfer
dating website called 'The Grim' where grim people can get together
the lost art of enjoying another person's company in complete silence without any distractions
the feeling of worrying about monsters coming to get you when you're younger versus knowing nothing will come to get you when you're older
the lost art of good kissing
does anyone else feel terrible pain in their groin if s/he doesn't come 2-3 times a day.
that terrible/confused feeling of not already having kids/being on my way to grandkids.
just imagined myself sitting in a food court then screaming and tearing my head off while i'm screaming
started laughing while i thought, 'man i feel like shit' and then covered my laughing face with my hand

11.2.14

had moment of actual emotion when i realized how much i'd miss the ice on the inside of my window one day

10.2.14

thanks to whoever started/maintains this site. 
western/cowboy movie called 'Faceful of Wormwood Handful of Ass'
the KING COBRA EP is coming out soon from SPORK PRESS. if you want to help promote it or whatever or help out with songs we're working on now, email me.  sampinkisalive   at gmail  dot com

if you want me to smash a bottle of malort over your head i can do that too
a review of WITCH PISS


'witch piss' (a novel) is available today.  you mean to tell me i get all them pages (112 of em) for just 8 dollars and six measly cents!?  buddy, go ahead and keep the change! fuck!

8.2.14

all you have to do to be successful is appear nice/friendly and repeat what is going on to other people, then complain about those people when they're not around.  
genuinely wanting to get a CTA job so my first day while i'm driving a train, i can get on the p.a. and say, "Attention everyone aboard, fuck you all, and fuck anything that means anything to you" then peacefully bring the train to a stop in the middle of a tunnel, get out, and go live among the rats as their holy guide.  
conversation as people trying out for each other in any possible way.  
the 'my crotch/head/throat and chest are itchingly hungry for your ass' blues.
i smile/laugh more not out of joy but out of a feeling like 'yeah fuck this.'
reading series called 'The No Happiness Teethgrinding All Stars' where it's just me and i don't show up for any of the readings.

7.2.14

thanks to everyone who has read a book i wrote/bought a book i wrote/bought a drawing/came to see me read/put me up in their house/emailed me/recommended a book to a friend/bought me food and drinks/did other things.  i really appreciate it.

6.2.14

the main bond between people is worthless/inaccurate gossip

4.2.14

WITCH PISS will be available on February 11th


dreaming of a higher creature who sends us an earth-sized brick from the heights
the feeling that everything you do is doomed in a way that may not seem obvious at the moment, but is always leading to one last moment of doom where you finally admit that there is nothing to be done and you have been defeated and absolutely shitted on.
that beautiful moment when you go from feeling bad about your antisocial/emotionless personality to accepting it with total love for yourself
keep laughing to myself, imagining a lobster milking a cow, and the lobster keeps wiping the sweat off its head, saying things like, 'jeez...goddamnit....shit.'

3.2.14

the often overlooked scientific contributions of insane dentist, Dr. Snugglish Yummins
much love to the women involved, especially donora. 


once 'rontel' reaches a certain number of amazon reviews, i'm going to turn on the oven and hold my head and rontel's in it until we die together
whether or not you can slam your own head into a wall, an essay
the way some people confuse 'wanting to make shit to convert self-destructive feelings into something' with 'wanting to be a minor/petty bullshit celebrity/popular figure.'
dreaming of the 'ultimate scream'--where it bursts my head when i scream it
have realized i unconsciously(?)/subconsciously(?) refer to coming as 'getting the evil out' in my head
the pleasant urge to run full speed into brickwalls.

hitting against the brickwall then yelling, 'let's do another one!' to no one
the only problem with screaming and punching yourself in the face is it never hurts enough.
gentleman psycho
the feeling of hating everyone--and everything they're about--so much that it registers as no feeling at all, just wanting to be left alone and not involved
depression like your face feels like it is being pulled downward slowly
the only poetry i have left in me is 'i'm drunk and want to aggressively take control of you and fuck you.'