30.4.14

the austin review is publishing a story called 'at the park' which was cut from 'witch piss'
mentioning suicide in writing has (mostly) helped me to avoid seriously considering it.  for as long as i've written about it (roughly from the ages of 24 until now) i have been able to get out of that undeniable lowness that usual leads to the serious consideration (like from some other person inside) of suicide.  it's like when you're around a lot of people and you feel bad and you just say, 'i feel bad' out loud and you immediately feel a little better, because most of us are probably programmed to fight back against the things that make you feel bad/will end you, rather than giving in to them.  so it's not 'just talk' or 'something that is offensive' it's a concrete working out of a problem.
children's birthday party magician named, 'Depress-O, the Insane'
one of the things that sucks about having a mind is that you have to, as a single thing inferior and less intelligent than the entirety of the rest of the world, make sense of everything you say/hear/experience

29.4.14

documentary about a person who dedicates him/herself to working out one arm/side of their body enough to be able to knock themselves out with a punch every once in a while as a coping mechanism
that feeling where no matter where you are someone is going to walk up and ask you to leave
i like this



80 year long movie where it's just a person going through life and everything except the person is green-screened out
passed by bathroom earlier and my cat was in the bathtub, only his eyes/forehead visible over the edge, staring at me
for some reason just iamgined moving onto a new block and the residents inform me about a cat who roams the alley, and the cat's name is 'wild bill' and no one ever sees him but they warn me to not cross him
recent frequent thought of, 'i got what you want, even if you don't want it man' towards everyone i meet.
going to a karaoke night and just screaming the song, but not in like, a cool screaming way, just like singing as loud as you can while your face feels hot/bursting
imagine most people who write/tweet/whatever shit about how to change the world for the better, would just go, 'oh, ha, i dont know' if presented with the opportunity to make any changes and being confronted with their own ignorance of everything outside their abstract approval-seeking ideas
black t-shirt with white block lettering that says, 'hey man the what but you have to like it's yeah!'
that moment when people finally realize you only own two pairs of pants and you don't give a fuck that that means something negative to whoever is commenting on it
music video where it's just three minutes of a profile close-up of a dog's head as it's running.
my 'go to' form of relief is imagining myself screaming so hard that it turns into me puking and i keep screaming through it
just imagined myself, alone, saying to myself, 'this one's for the homies' before running full speed into a wall
recent strong fantasy of plunging my head into the ground with one swoop, like, just kneeling down then slamming my head into the ground such that it buries it
that feeling of 'haha no' that always follows the feeling of 'am i missing out on anything/should i be doing anything'
 the download version of KING COBRA EP is available now

28.4.14

feel almost certain that the majority of people, myself included, were way cooler when they were like, 9 years old or so.
shouts out to o'boy standing shirtless in the middle of traffic with his arms folded, glaring at all the cars.
whenever anyone mentions something about it getting warmer/being hot, i always think, 'yeah man but i'm still cold inside.'
new habit where when someone introduces him/herself to you by extending his/her hand, you take the hand and bite it as hard as you can then when they pull away you make a mean face and breathe in and out hard, their blood all over your mouth.
crying out a single gigantic tear that is the combined tears of never crying and it comes on with the feeling of a sneeze and then when it leaves you, your head caves in and you feel normal.

26.4.14

but i mean, you can tell when someone is truly wilin' and when someone is just acting like they are
half/suggestively naked woman who does camera things, did reading of my writing.

25.4.14

word up to the guy on the redline half-asleep and trying to pull out his tooth
increasing my use of blinkless smiles and exagerrated winking to respond to people
deep desire to ride a segway around downtown chicago, naked except for a native american head-dress and Bears colored nipple tassels on my nipples and asscheeks, flowing.
recommend not ingesting caffeine to help with anxiety and other bad-head-things.

24.4.14

momentarily convinced i should go to a foodcourt and get some food then go to a table and set the food down and argue with it, like gesturing wildly and yelling and hitting the food
next minor argument i get into i'm going to stop at a certain point and shrug and shake my head and say, 'you sir/madam, are nothing more than a sneeglish yumpkins, and i can't deal with you any further.'
habit of turning to the side after someone says something to you and then loudly saying, 'hmmm, an intriguing development!' then going back to paying attention to the person as though they couldn't hear/see you doing that.  
that shit where you wish you could--for a few days--live a looped 1-2 hours of a day in your life, like the 1-2 hours after getting out of work and going to sleep.
had a moment where it felt like my heart was stopping and i felt weird excitement and thought something like, about how the moment before you die you hear all the sounds you've ever heard, all at the same time.
that shit where you're listening to someone talk to you for a while and you want to interrupt and say, 'man i don't know, but does it ever feel like your skull is made of sand and there's a bunch of magnets working against each other inside of it?'
donating my corpse to anyone who promises to make a youtube video called, 'eating cookies with a corpse' where you/other people/whoever eat cookies with my corpse on the ground.
performance art piece where you try to do stand-up comedy right after someone smashes both of your hips with a sledgehammer
something to do if you're at someone's house is act like you're going to use the bathroom but then find a place to hide until that someone finds you, then not explain why you did that, then leave.
a violent but still very funny trend in crime would be pairings of people around the city wearing football helmets and 'sandwiching' strangers by running and headbutting the stranger in the stomach and back at the same time then running away.
one of the most evil things to say seems like 'why don't you take a dip in my pool' while smiling and gesturing  to a yard without a pool in it.
promising development in 'being depressed' where you feel open to doing/trying anything because you feel like shit anyway, and even if  you feel like shit doing/trying something else, you know that where you are/what you're doing is definitely bad so why not.

23.4.14

the truth is though, i would jump in front of a bullet for a squirrel/almost anything else
 most creative people who are intentionally trying to 'help people' or 'represent people' are probably (concretely) helping less people than those who don't have that in mind, via being ignorant and shortsighted
when people criticize/judge you it's usually more about him/her than you
people don't want you to genuinely change because it's easier to judge/dismiss a person who 'is' a certain way
going to start responding to blanket/generic 'help me promote my forthcoming book' emails with, 'only if you blow me.'  
hands up if you feel incredibly stupid being photographed/having your photographed used for something
i've gotten emails about like, writing/promotion advice or whatever, so i'm going to try and write an article on some thoughts and post it here.  ultimately i dont really have any advice and i'll probably never be in a position to give anyone any real insight, but i'll describe things surrounding getting books published and how things happened for me.  if you want me to focus on anything, email me and i'll try to incorporate it.   sampinkisalive  AT  gmail  DOT com.      i'm not trying to like, do one of those 'arrogant/sarcastic/condescending writer giving advice to newer writers' thing, i'm just trying to write about things that've happened.  so like, it won't be 'STOP WRITING ABUOT DREAMS!!!' or 'publish less!!' or 'pain isn't necessary to ART!!!!' or whatever other mean-spirited/jaded/passive shit other 'writing advice' columns are about.
the difference between writing about a topic that everyone perceives as 'deep/important' (and is therefore more confused/vague/publicly misinterpreted) vs treating any/everything as important because you're the one experiencing it, in this lifetime, at this very moment, without any relation to anyone else's experience at that very moment.
talkshow called 'pickin your brain and diggin your guts.'

22.4.14

'superhero depression' where you feel invincible because you approach every situation in a completely practical way, saying/doing the minimum that needs to be said/done, maneuvering through it and the people it contains without care/hope/ambition/ego and so completely prepared for whatever happens and however it ends, accepting in advance there is no preferable way and even if there were you wouldn't deserve it.
one thing about feeling like a different person all the time is being able to look back on recent events and not only not understand who you were/the way you were acting, but also doubling up on the self-hated (via hating yourself at the moment and then in review as well, as a different person waiting to be remembered negatively).
saw a guy dressed like a futuristic cowboy--half a pretzel rod in his mouth, treating the pretzel rod like a cigarette--and i knew he could kick my ass

21.4.14

n'yeah!!
thanks to everyone in lawrence, kansas.  really appreciate all the hospitality/kindness.

17.4.14

i posted a story called 'blood man' on this site.  it was cut out of 'witch piss.'

RIP NAPOLEON 'THAT KID PO' THE CAT


rest in peace mighty hunter.  you will be remembered as a psycho. anyone can tell by looking in your eyes.  hunt on mighty hunter.  may there be someone where you are to kiss your lion chin.  who could forget that one time when i was shadowboxing your face trying to annoy you and i accidentally clipped your chin with a punch and you stared off for a second with your mouth open then shook your head and were normal again. keep crip-walking mighty hunter. you fucking psycho.
i posted a story called 'fun' from 'hurt others' on this site.

can't figure out how to link shit that good so there's an ad for 'hurt others' before it, can't figure out tumblr.  i try to do shit and it doesn't work.

thanks to mandy 'sock mama' zeller for scanning this shit for me.
when young authors are portrayed as 'hip' or 'cool' or 'bad boys/bad girls' by journalists...that shit is so stupid.  save that shit for whatever D.O.A. young band is coming out.
when you wear a coat you haven't worn since last spring and you find a bent-up king cobra cap in the pocket

16.4.14

make like a hairdresser and die
casually eating a small pile of sticks during a televised interview
a pretty sweet blurb would be: 'love it! the literary equivalent of a totino's party pizza!!!!'
looking just far enough into the sequence of events that represent your future to foresee a feeling of 'now what.'


i'll mail a stapled 'chapbook' of the story 'fun' ripped out of 'hurt others' to whoever writes the 60th review of person on amazon.
read 'hallelujak giant space wolf' by daniel bailey.  i know since it's older than three months old no one cares anymore, but it's a great book.
really like 'when your number isn't up' by mark lanegan
whenever i read that shit about 'showing not telling' i think 'nah....tellem boy, lettem know.'
if anyone owns 'hurt others' and a scanner, and would like to scan the story 'fun' and post it somewhere, that would be cool.  let me know.   sampinkisalive  at g mail dot com
currently, my only goal is to one day have an audiobook out, read by roy jones jr.
'dead bird licker' never seems to be offered as a 'what do you want to be when you grow up' option

them ohio goons

this answer from jordan castro in this inteview is really funny:

It’s a really cool concept and something that really strikes us at Y-Mag. We are always on the hunt for people who sort of encapsulate this century, a zeitgeist for that present moment, could that be you???
Funny you mention that, Kate. As I’ve frequently expressed in past interviews, Zeitgeist is one of those rare books-turned-movies that really captures what it’s like to be pre-9/11 in a post-9/11 world. Rarely a moment goes by when I’m not able to not think about those who didn’t (or did) turn into men (from boys). I think the late Theodore Storm said it best when he saidZeitgeist was “a domestic drama and the record of a spiritual journey.”
want my 'thing' to be 'guy who LOVES everything bagels.'  like try and work it into everyday conversations.  'so you think the blackhawks will win the stanley cup again?'  'i don't know dude, but one thing's for sure, if the hawks want it as bad as THIS GUY wants an everything bagel right now, then fuck yeah! because brother, i loves me an everything bagel, and you know it!'
reality show called 'thass whassup!' where there's a room filled with 10-20 beds containing people too depressed to leave bed....how will they interact?  WILL they interact? what will happen!?
that shit where sometimes when you look at a word/words it looks like a weird painting/shape/hieroglyph for a second.
want to get business cards that say 'Googar Helnish, Corpse Impersonator and Tomato Farming Millionaire Bad Boy.'
that shit where you always feel like something happening in the moment, and so you have difficulty in life because you never feel the same, and you never feel like something that will be around in the future because, maybe you will, but you won't be the same, like everywhere you walk there's a little piece of ground following you around beneath your feet, but everywhere else is a deep pit
when you seek out the company of only your ringing ears at the end of the day
feel more interested in people who have strong opinions, even if i disagree with them, than people who are like, just whatever all the time
that moment when you feel excited to just allow the most evil parts of you to just 'do they thang' rather than try and fight them.
three thousand thumbs down to logan square with its disneyland for art students bullshit
the mixture of excitement and shame as an adolescent every time my dad was late coming home from work, thinking he died in a car crash or something like that.
feel like most everyday culture, like interpersonal culture, is an attempt to reduce anything different/unique about people to a point where it's all the subject for ridicule, like most people just occupy this meaningless point of having no belief/attitude/personality aside from dragging others into that passive/pointless viewpoint.
single unafraid person swinging wildly at an approaching brickwall covered in broken glass vs. secretly terrified person in control of an endless army of plastic soldiers.
a funny cause of death would be trying to put pants on then getting your leg a little caught and jumping to try and maintain balance but then falling facefirst into a coffee table and dying facedown on the ground with your pants around your ankles.
shouts out to my girls and boys being told by adults that 'it will get better' but knowing it never will.
not ever being serious is just as shitty as always being serious.  
hell yeah dude, i'd love to hear more about your tattoo and where on your arm you were thinking about getting it
the trick seems to be not being too sensitive or too insensitive to painful things
did an interview for the kansas reading this friday.
the way most people are just telling you things to have you confirm/support them, not actually think about and discuss them.
book promotion where every copy of the book is guaranteed to have a handmade coupon in the back and the coupon is good for like 'one cleaning of your room' or 'painting your house' or 'bringing you dinner' or 'neutralizing upwards of two or three of your enemies' or 'raking your leaves.'

15.4.14

when there's a shift-change between the more entertaining/superficially social you and the overbearing militant dad you
an easy way to piss off a stranger is to, when sitting near them, just turn and put your mouth close to their ear/head and yell, 'whassup!'
slowly realizing that not everyone knows what a pizza puff is
scott mc clanahan and i will be reading in kansas this friday.  it's at 'The Roost'--sponsored by the lawrence public library, 7pm.  bring a beverage and a side.  i think scott will be bringing some of his famous 'you gotta be jokey artichokey' dip.

14.4.14

keep thinking, 'come on kids, come give ya Aunty Soshul a kiss now.'
i identify more with inanimate things than things that are viewed as 'like me' by outside observers.
performance art piece where you hang yourself with a razor-lined 1000 foot bungee cord
am constantly the opposite of 'having hearts for eyes and little hearts shooting out from around me'
that refreshing feeling after reminding yourself that it's not other peoples' fault you are mostly alone, it's yours
from 'under-boob' to 'just slightly above armpit' is the holy zone
banging your head against a hard surface after saying, 'oh i love this song' to someone after a song comes on wherever you are
a broken mug is way better than a broken bottle
the sometimes mistaken idea that you're helping someone by making his/her situation better and not worse.

10.4.14

just to be clear, i direct the same hateful/unsympathetic/cold/sometimes-emotionless/aggressive/horny to hurt/angry attitude i have for most others towards myself as well, only it's a little less playful.  
anyone else feel more doomed when the weather starts getting nice
'pain and hurting aren't necessary to being a writer/artist,' said the person sitting at a coffee shop wearing headphones that cost half of my rent, dicking around on a macbook.  
bomb-back mortal kombat red rum red rum
mark baumer wrote a review of the lessons he learned from WITCH PISS
in chicago if someone attacks you and you defend yourself with a weapon that isn't legal, they can sue you for injuries
easy way to introduce myself to my new neighbors is, 'hey i'm not one of the registered sex offenders in the building, howya doin!'
he lay down and let the cat clean his hair
the only potentially beautiful thing you have is your mind and how it interacts with other things.
man at wilson red line stop, his pant-legs rolled up, doing a 'presto' motion to his legs over and over
lookign back, believing that monsters were real was something that added meaning to my life
other names for a hot ass are: 'woodchipper' 'ski mask' and/or 'hot towel.'
i need to record a video of myself reading a chapter of 'person' for an upcoming translation.  i don't have a way to record video, so if you'd like to record yourself reading a chapter (preferably female but not necessary) then email me.  or if you know how to record a dog like, licking its lips/yawning and loop it, then record your voice over that in such a way that it looks like the dog is reading the book, that would be ideal.
that shit where it's impossible to explain to someone that no you don't agree/understand and you feel differently but you understand that s/he feels that way and you don't 'hate' them for thinkign that way so relax.
i nominate jereme dean for 'saint of the loners.'
aside from 'none' the type of legacy i'd like to have is 'guy who could jumprope pretty well.'
that shit where you find yourself staring at a plant because it looks like the air is bending around it, like from fire/heat, except you're inside
preparing for another sprint right into the tornado
the way people change the clothes/music/setting but don't see how it's all the same
all of the chicago lesbians i've met are cool as fuck
disdain/hate/aggression/desire for conflict are the most shunned emotions/inclinations, like mutilating the bull before the fight because otherwise you know how it will go
performance art piece where you try to be a generic/all-accepting fake asshole to make sure you don't bother anyone or make anyone 'not like you' so you can maintain some idea that you're not the weak/lonely/truly self-hating and worthless human who, at the very least, should be punished for stealing air/water/resources from any number of other worthwhile people/trees/rocks/bugs.
performance art piece where yeah you do some writing but it's more about being accepted/superficially befriended by as many people as possible, all the while acting like you're so alone.
when i'm reading through someone's bio/blog/whatever or listening to someone getting introduced at a reading, i just think, 'yeah yeah but are they from brooklyn?  yes or no!' just kidding that's like, the first and only thing mentioned.  

9.4.14

if you go to buy a piece of pizza/hotdog/cheesesteak and the employees aren't rude to you/don't insult you, just back out slowly with your hands up
recommended
that shit where whenever you're in a supposedly fun situation, you can't stop thinking about little kids with cancer or old people alone and people getting bullied and other shit like that.
that shit where sometimes you can't tell if things look like a cartoon/animation or regular

8.4.14

pacquiao vs bradley II
one of my fvorite ways to say 'fuck you' is to refuse a drink someone offers to buy for you
just laughed a lot thinking about doing something where, whenever anyone touches me in any way, i make a weird honking sound with my mouth open and my eyes closed
just scratched my head and found a small piece of broken glass in my hair
want to only have people in my life for whom i'd take a knife through the heart
is it a crime if you throw a net over a stranger but then help them out of the net
feel like i wouldn't be surprised if i woke up one day and felt my face and my head was made of legos.
'childlike hope/innocence/playfulness' are mostly bullshit in anyone over 15 or so
life like you're just swinging wildly at a mob of people coming at you because no, it won't be easy for them
much love to o'boy walking down the block with his fist straight out, then every once in a while tlking into the fist like it's a microphone.
could smell my dick/balls while pissing today and thought, 'well isn't THAT just a turkey in a handbasket.'
that shit where you sometimes see smoke coming off something but that's not really happening and you're not on drugs or anything
protect your people and fuck the rest
malort as a midwestern drink because you have to be proud of what's yours and take it down even when it isn't fancy or easy
most of the things offered as ways to be 'free' or an 'individual' are guaranteed to make you like everyone else
being around a bunch of people who are looking at shit on their phones and taking pictures of themselves to post then show each other as they're still in the same situation.
somebody just emailed me that there is no chapter 34 in 'person.'  

i'm going with 'it's supposed to be that way because like, (something about life always feeling incomplete/missing).'  
the difference between wanting people to like you/accept you and being pleased/comforted/honored that people have taken time to read and maybe enjoy your work.  like a high five and nothing else, in a waiting room.
when you a  see a small pile of coins and it feels like looking in the mirror
the art of interacting with people in a way where it's always the equivalent of passing them on the street with minimal eye contact.
the way you can be in a social situation where people are having fun and then you remember that there are people struggling and hurting and then everything 'fun' and 'entertaining' seems so petty and useless.
the change from trying to go unnoticed/untested, to being ready and willing for whatever, knowing that you've become that challenge for others, who do not want it.
that ever-present challenge to not hide who you are/what you really think in front of others who will not accept that in doing so you present them with the same challenge, like handing them a large rock that their arms aren't strong enough to hold yet
have felt interested, for a long time now, in cutting my face in ways that make it look decorated.
that feeling you get between like, 4am and 6 am, where you feel every emotion at once, and everything makes sense, but it's still all very sad, and you don't want to blame anyone for anything, nothing is anyone's fault, we're all just trying, but you don't want to try anymore, and nothing is dying or dead yet, but you'd gladly die for someone/something, and you know there's not enough of what everyone needs but you're willing to let someone else have your share, and everyone else is worth more than you, and something is about to climax but it doesn't, and it just slowly turns back into the normal world, where almost everyone is your enemy, and those who aren't, you just hope you die before them, and you hope they get what they need, only to find they never needed it and now it's too late to try for anything else.
strong urge to whip someone bloody with an extension cord
always thinking, 'i;ll make you into a little girl' about everyone i see
poem called 'falling asleep with a boner on the bus home as the sun's coming up and fuck you i don't give a fuck about anything.'

7.4.14

a solid way to terrify a stranger is to go up to him/her in the street and say, 'koofleckio streppins, i thought it was you!!' and then hold your hands up in a 'i'm going to get you!' manner while blocking every way they try to walk.
when two or more people are having a petty argumentative conversation that you are not in but are around, a fun thing to do is after someone says something, say, 'nyeahhh!!!!' while sneering at the person it was said to, then doing that every time anyone says anything
The Haphazardly Merry Travails of Detective Binklish Skeeglington
going to start enjoying life more by enthusiastically saying, 'i'll have whatever s/he's having!!' in random situations and/or after someone expresses something terrible
if i wrapped a dead pigeon in foil and threw it to you like a football, would you catch it? would you?
autobiography called 'things i've thought but never told anyone in any way' where it's a long list of things you've thought but never told any one or talked about in any way.
that terrible moment when you explain to someone that no you didn't use gel in your hair it's just very unclean
the way that getting wounded in any way is comforting because it's yours and you have something to take care of
looking for someone to bash my head to a mess with a baseball bat then gather the mess and freeze it so it's like another head and then eat that head like a popsicle.

6.4.14

chewing a huge wad of gum that has a bunch of other peoples' loose teeth in it seems like it would be pleasurable
thinking about shooting yourself in the head in the same tone/manner as thinking about what to eat for dinner
a person you hire to follow you around and randomly slap the back of your head in an upward motion, going upside your head and just shaking his/her head no while making eyecontact
a good prayer to say every night before bed is 'what's yours will be mine if i want it.'
a funny way to make people feel legitimately bad about smoking cigarettes is to act like a person from anti-smoking ads from 15-20 years ago, like where you aggressively ask them if they think they're cool for smoking, and say that potentially kissing them would be like kissing an ash tray, but act real serious the whole time, making unblinking eyecontact.
there are two kinds of toddlers--the ones who wave back and laugh when you wave to them with your eyes wide open, and those who turn away and look for his/her parent
had a 3 minute panic last night where i couldn't not imagine myself as existing within a spinning windmill, if that makes sense, like i'd close my eyes and see a windmill spinning and then open my eyes and feel like i was still spinning in the windmill.   hw's everyone doing?  like really
always feeling tuned
that shit where you look forward to having time alone like some people look forward to having a drink/doing drugs/whatever.
that dead moment when someone makes fun of your shitty haircut/clothing and you don't respond except for making eye-contact

4.4.14

and may i have the strength to reject the things i don't understand

3.4.14

new kind of social habit where it's ok to pound both fists down on whatever surface is nearest to you as a way to feel relief
remember that 90% of the shit people say to you is actually him/her asking you if s/he thinks that
a stunning lack of weaponry at the uptown army surplus store. simply stunning.
remember that 90% of the shit people say to/about you is him/her admitting something
remember that 90% of the shit people say to/about you is only to create a context where you should feel bad for not being more like him/her.
if/when i have kids one of my rules for them will be 'as long as you live in my house, you will wear sweatpants all the time.'
that frustrating feeling of having a complete thought but then it disappears as you try to describe it
new levels of excited hostility
new levels of excited hostility
a good way to decide if something needs to/should be said is to first remember that you will be making someone responsible for having to respond to what you just said.
school posters that say things like, 'who do you reject?!' (with an owl on it) or 'what kind of asshole will you become' (with someone doing the 'thinker' pose)

2.4.14

the power of not giving a shit and not trying to hide it to make things ok with other people
people who take pictures of themselves/with friends, hanging out bars/other shit
the feeling that you were supposed to die in a war but it never happened so now what
the feeling that if you headbutted a canonball coming right at you, the cannonball would explode into dust
internship where you get wrapped in duct-tape like a mummy (with breathing holes) and put in a box and dropped off somewhere in the middle of the ocean
the resolution that as long as you're alive you want people to know how it hurts
often feel like i'm boiling

1.4.14

online video interview in 30 years where the interviewer just keeps asking me 'what happened to you?' and i'm in a monochromatic sweatsuit inside out, eating a plate of white castle sliders, getting crumbs all over me and i just keep shrugging.