18.8.14

a while ago i posted about bullshit mass emails where people you barely know/probably don't like try to sell you their book.  here's a tasty one from Justin Taylor.  i've copied and pasted the whole thing and added my own notes (my notes are in bracketed in red bold).  

SUBJECT LINE OF EMAIL:  FLINGS: A new book, a party, many readings, and a preemptive apology



"[First, the apology: Sorry (1) for the impersonal mass email, [ok this is like walking into a dinner and taking off your shoe and holding it over someone's soup and being like, 'hey, sorry i'm about to dip my shoe in your soup, but, here we go!'] (2) if you receive it at multiple addresses, (3) if it's telling you something you already knew [really fucking arrogant to think anybody knows about this shit, outside of the friends you probably ear-beat/your publisher/agent/yourself in the mirror] (4) that you didn't want to know [hey, alright my man, now we're talking]. In case of any or all of the preceding, please know this is not a mailing list. It's a one-time announcement. No need to "unsubscribe." There's no subscription. It's already over. I swear.] [this is the same thing he said in fourth grade when he created a mailing list about his birthday party]


Now for the fun [hell yeah, what's more fun fro strangers than to read about someone detailing the events of their book release?]. Friends [...], Tomorrow marks the publication of Flings, my new story collection and hardcover debut [hey i THOUGHT tomorrow was something. at first i thought it was my day off, but no, tomorrow 'marks' the publication of a book i'll never read by a guy who's more or less a snobby asshole. haha 'hardcover debut.' cut to shot of justin in his room in front of the mirror and he's acting like it's a press conference and he asks himself the question, 'hey justin, we were all wondering, when are you making your hardcover debut?' ]. Early press has been generous and enthusiastic [fake humility]Publisher's Weekly, [who the fuck reads publisher's weekly] in a starred review [ wait, a starred review...nevermind!!], called it: "Contemporary, intelligent, and occasionally laugh-out-loud funny. These stories, by turns witty and piercing, together form an uncommon portrait of the human heart." [uh huh, so somebody used the common phrasings for any bullshit they favorably review. 'contemporary' well no shit it just fucking came out. 'witty and piercing'....ow ow, i've been pierced somebody help!]

You can read more of what's been said so far at my website.[phew, i was hoping there'd be additional information somewhere] If you'd like to buy a copy of Flings, I encourage you to do so from the local independent book store of your choice (if you don't know where your local indie is, click the link and enter your zip code; it will tell you). You can also of course order it online from Barnes & Noble or any of the other usual suspects. [the book is published by harper collins. totally indie. so hey, make sure you go indie because otherwise justin will feel bad about all the work his major publisher/agent/publicist/editor had to do]

The reading & launch party for Flings is tomorrow night, 8/19, at BookCourt in Carroll Gardens, Brooklyn at 7 PM (drinks to follow). There will be several more readings in the New York area [phew!] throughout the fall as well as events in Seattle, Portland (Oregon), Boston, and Austin [sorry guys]. At almost every stop, I'm sharing the stage with one or several amazing writers, so it won't be a monotonous slog of Justin [a monotonous 'slog' of a man referring to himself in third person...fuck]. I will also be doing my Deadhead-best [damn, AND a grateful dead reference, this motherfucker is a black belt in annoyance] to vary the reading selection from night to night (just don't ask me to "jam," or we'll both be sorry) [tut tut tut, a joke!  in a literary mass email?!  why, this email is 'by turns laugh out loud funny and piercing!! i'm starring it!]. The event schedule appears below and on my website. Since this is, as I said, a one-shot email, the best way to keep current with news/publications/press/etc. is at the site, via Facebook, or on Twitter. [yeah, or like, just use the internet. like search for him or whatever]

Okay, that's it. Thanks to one and all for your friendship and support [two things almost nonexistent in the writing world]. I hope to see you at the launch tomorrow, and/or at one of the events this fall.

8 comments:

jereme said...

what the fuck is a publisher's weekly.

sam pink said...

it's an agreed upon source of validation

jereme said...

oh, so they like me??

Noah Cicero said...

i have never met a human who reads publishers weekly. I feel like if I just yelled in Wal Mart I would reach more people

Juliet Escoria said...

If I wrote for publishers weekly I would give a starred review to this contemporary blog post

sam pink said...

'his work has been screamed about in walmart.'

imagining someone unsure if they want to buy this book and they're holding it and a publisher's weekly in either hand, looking back and forth between them and then they read 'piercingly original' and nod.

Dawson Welsh said...

lol this post is fucking awesome.

Jordan Castro said...

i love you