25.12.14

the slow and unnoticeable move towards acting the ssame when alone as when around others, and its surprising new levels of both loneliness and reward
dreamed i found a secret drawer full of clean socks and underwear and woke up excited then sad, like awlays
reaching out to the hand reaching out to you in your pit and pulling them in
that thing where you go to shake someone's hand but pull it away to slick back your hair except instead of that you reach into your pants and pull out a gun and shoot yourself
a weird but refreshing new low-standard where a 'positive' interaction with someone leaves me thinking, 'you're you and i'm me and let's just never communicate or intersect and i won't think about it anymore.'
all the bullshit ways people identify/label things
the first thing that happens after you die is you're presented with a weight that is all the hurt you've caused people without even knowing it and you have to hold it over your head until your arms give out and your drop the weight and die again
oh, no, sorry, i didn't want to talk to you, i just wanted to pet your dog for a second before we continued walking different ways.

23.12.14

judging by the dumb shit people worry/complain about, i'm guessing people have forgotten they're going to die
the forgotten chicago hobbit 'Skillsno Lackins'
it'd be easier to listen to people who talk shit about 'realism'/writing about life/pain if they didn't write bougie nonsensical willy wonka bullshit
the wonderful change from torturing yourself bloody and stinging to noticing there are others to do that too.
action movie hero who deliberately walks around with one boot untied so when there's a fight the hero can bend down (making a 'who is you' type face) and say, 'let me tie my boot real quick before i kick that ass.'  
just be yourself (and 99% of people won't like you)

just be yourself (it's the only thing you're left with)







love for lil dotty b, the only female who's allowed to drool on my beard

17.12.14

sometimes the only thing that keeps me from killing myself is reminding myself it's me against everyone else and i don't want to make it easy
most mentalities/ideas are designed around a weaker controlling party trying to neutralize the strengths it sees in another party
most interactions are designed around a controlling party neutralizing whatever strengths are noticed in another party
suicide by headbutting through a windshield then pulling your own head off
avoid all group interaction/acceptance
all the ways you wish your life was easier or you were different are all insults
truth be told though, fuck your magazine and its made-up world

16.12.14

pretty sure people would poke themselves in the eye or eat piles of shit or do whatever if there was a quantifiable (and visibly tracked) way of others liking it
calmly falling down the pit of life and bouncing off the edges without making a sound
hallucinated a santa's head cake at the store today and thought 'i'm going to buy that and stomp on it outside' then when i looked closer it wasn't there.
are you feeling terrible because that's just how you feel or are you feeling terrible because everyone else is perverting you