9.3.15

sequel to/remake of 'little mermaid' where i live underwater and i'm ursula's sex/love-slave and personal assassin and it's mostly just me telling her how awesome and pretty she is and like, painting her nails for her and combing her hair and then at one point she's like, 'oh yeah, i hate ariel go kill her' and i catch ariel and her dude on a romantic boat-ride and pull them both underwater and bring them to ursula and then i just sit there smiling with my eyes wide open while ursula crucifies and tortures them both.

10 comments:

Anonymous said...

i would like to audition for the role of Ursula. can i send you photos?

sam pink said...

obviously if you'd like to be considered for this improbable and at present only-imagined role then yeah. are you going to be this difficult this early on?

Anonymous said...

Just let this new mystery woman send you her artful nudes, unlike me she doesn't realize ursula's a cartoon

sam pink said...

my ol'lady ain't no more of a cartoon than anyone else in my reckoning, myself included.

jereme said...

you're dressed like an underwater hobo-popeye, wield a trident that's just 3 rusted cans of 'cocktail wieners' duct taped to a walrus dick bone and your catchphrase is 'that the bitch blows!'

sam pink said...

and my only real friend is an extremely small irish crab named Speeglmonkler, who is primarily employed to curl ursula's eyelashes with his claws but keeps urging us to go out on our own as mercenaries/pirate robbers and whenever there is a fight in the movie, he posts up in that classic old-school boxer 'dukes up' pose and says, 'holright ya moathafoaker' but then gets pushed many miles away by the slightest wave and after the fight it always cuts to him walking the many miles back, kicking at little stones and muttering obscenities to himself like an irish popeye

Anonymous said...

very nice except why the fuck would ursula need her eyelashes curled

sam pink said...

tragic (to some) scene where, after leading a rousing song and dance with ariel and other benevolent sea creatures, sebastian the lobster is walking back to his studio apt (coral reef?) alone, humming the tune still, when he is confronted by Speeglmonkler, who steps out from behind a rock with a tiny bottle of jameson and says, 'been a loang time, eh boyo?' then takes a last pull off the jameson and beats sebastian to death with the bottle.

Anonymous said...

then sebastian decomposes and a breathtaking tree grows out of him

Anonymous said...

...yes, a tree, because by the time it grows, the ocean will have dried up