walked by person staring at huge wall of pepsi products at the grocery store and i had the urge to lean in and say, 'try the 2 liter' and wink
that weird moment when you--seemingly from somewhere outside yourself--earnestly think, 'they can eat you at any time though.'
that magical third/fourth day in a row of not showering where your hair is so dirty it looks styled.
identify with people (mostly kids) who use a lot of sound fx in their storytelling, including 'doosh' for hitting sound
man, you KNOW you're fucked when you start caring about crystals/gems/healing stones...


be funny if people held the same kind of 'ban/shun/disregard/destroy/ attitude towards un-pc scientists/mathematicians as they did 'artists.'
recommend getting into 'arts' for the entertainment of encountering levels of fakeness you didn't think could be real outside of people who want to be actors
thinking 'hey brother' when you see broken glass in the gutter walking home at 3am
learning to calmly navigate people like they're poisonous plants or security lasers in a vault room


one thing missing from the 'lit scene' is stinky metalhead chicks who will beat people up before you even get a chance.
dog that i train to viciously maul any drunk person trying to talk to me


much love and thanks to Geraldine at Potash Brothers on State St. and Chestnut.  you make me happy.


going to start responding to questions about writing advice not with anything personal but just, 'kiss a lot of ass and support people you don't really like because then they'll do that to you.'  
easing into a full-time role as the shithead you know you are, like slowly entering a hot tub.
remembering that almost everyone's personality is the result of what they can/can't do to others
really confused why more sports teams dont just send a representative to their city's local bars for information from out of shape guys on how to play the sport they play
a teddy bear with a single bowie knife horn in the middle of its head
an endless desert of the dust you create while grinding your teeth around others in public
that strange viciousness/brutality among a group of women when you express attraction to a larger woman who isn't present.
feeling like a stranger all day and then realizing it's because the tshirt you jus bought from the dollar store smells like someone else has worn it for a couple months
prize for shortest amount of time needed to startle a cashier with your miserable dead ass self
that four seconds of happiness before you piss when you shake your dick around a little then go back to being miserable


that weird phenomenon where someone establishes an identity for themselves based on rejecting the identity of the subculture theyre in, for instance when someone primarily surrounded by 'artists/writers' who goes to readings and tries to be (the kind of artist in question) rejects art/writing, to appeal to thaat very same audience by appearing outside of it
i recommend saying something like, 'i am...doing terrible...totally miserable' when someone asks 'how you're doing' before you order coffee/whtever.  but say it while smiling.
trying to find a way to communicate to servers/waitresses/anyone serving or helping me at an establishment, that s/he doesn't have to be nice to me and try to make my time/experience fun, they can just be themselves because i'm already embarrassed by being treated with any preference/at all and they have to do the nice act for all those other crybaby pampered assholes anyway


disney movie called 'nigel beanberry' about an animate piece of garbage and his attempts to befriend things/people in the city
autobiography titled, 'how a rock was mistaken for a human for (x) years'
most conversation transitions should just be 'ok, now you talk about yourself.' 
learning to embrace your overly self-militant lifestyle
don't use the phrase/idea  'bro-code/man-code' with me. i don't give a fuck about you and you're not on my team.
the answer is, 'because you just asked me why i looked so sad/pissed.'

i have a story translated into polish in this anthology.


i have copies of all my books if anyone wants to buy them.  sampinkisalive  AT  g MAIL dot com.


the next step in talking to yourself: where you not only start responding to things you're saying, but also making the facial expressions that go along with them


that pleasurable feeling of putting your tongue over your bottom lip then scraping the under-lip hairs into your tongue with your front teeth to spear your tongue.

email and response


I just finished person and liked it i think. I know somebody else must have pointed this out already but there is not chapter 34. You just skip from 33 to 35. I want chapter 34 if you are willing to give it to me. Maybe I'm being too demanding. Feel free to keep chapter 34 to yourself. All I am trying to say is this: good book man. 


you think you deserve a 34th chapter?  


hey 'T-- F---' brand granola, i REALLY love your granola...that is, i think i would IF I COULD GET YOUR FUCKING BAG OPEN ! your bag is so hard to open! why!? FUCK YOU, YOU SUCK! :p
anytime you find yourself equating 'web hits' with value, just remember that  a video of a baby farting or a guy falling on ice will always have millions of hits
if you're involved in any way with the chicago 'Redeye' newspaper, you're awful.
that truly alienating feeling resulting from considering the amount of shows dedicated to a panel discussion on sports

the pain i felt when the cashier at 7-eleven asked me to move my apple fritter so he could scan the thing beneath it, saying, 'i dont want to touch it.'  but why, why won't you touch it.
that subtly egotistical macho close-mindedness of an academic acting morally superior
restoring a lot of mental health by talking less and reacting less.
blues song called 'woke up this mornin and lay in bed flexin my boner 'cause it's my day off and i ain't got shit to do because life sucks'
walking home at 7am, rain on my breakfast sandwich


when feeling bad or in a bad situation, thinking phrases that describe smething that is almost definitely happening, like, 'scorpion under a rock' or 'pet breathing' or 'small wave ending' or 'branch breaking' or 'puddle forming'
setting up a terrarium/aquarium then never putting a living thing in it seems satisfying
not enough openmindedness towards 'completely ignoring someone' (in a way that's more like, 'allowing to pass') as a legitimate response in person.
there aren't enough places to lay down for a minute or two in public
that moment in your life where you finally admit that yeah, if you had a perfectly mummified elephant ear you'd wrap it around your face/head every night before bed
have seven copies of the spanish translation of 'the no hellos diet' ('la dieta de los no hola' Alpha Decay Press) if anyone wants one.  sampinkisalive AT g  mail  dot com
horror movie called 'helLOL.'

cover is a phone screen with 'helLOL' on it and the reflection of a terrified woman.

caption says, 'when he's Jking, that means 'just killing''


sometimes think 'prime sugar ray leonard' and feel a moment of joy
really appreciate and feel a little close to anyone who takes time to read my books.  it has improved my life.  thanks.
have a small blank (including cover) hardcover journal thing that looks like a book and i will make a cover for it and handwrite a part of a new book in it for a small fee.  in the interest of transparency, the money will be used to buy new work boots

also have a single copy each of the original printing of 'gerald mcclellan vs nigel benn' and the original 'clone myself...'  (from paper hero press)
someone should start a website called 'that's awful' (where various writers write about whatever they think is awful)
one thing's for sure, people don't change, only the outlets for their bullshit


'do i wet down the hair on the back and sides of my head or don't i?'--the difference between 'casual' and 'formal' wear
regret not taking that baby i was offered at the grocery store
true, a lot of readings suck, but you don't have the right to say that when you're the one self-amusedly reading tweets about drake off your phone.

chicago doom


that clever rhetorical move people do when they view you as 'winning' the argument where they make a statement so absurd you immediately have to defend yourself from it, thereby being on 'their side' again. like 'so you think i'm stupid then.'
when i read some spartan idea about owning more than one set of clothes making you weak, i immediately felt good about my 'no one needs more than two pairs of pants' philosophy
the ultimate test of 'would you sell-out' is whether or not you'd do something if the payment was an immortal baby rhino

tuesday joke of the day

q: how many cubs fans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

a: shit, i don't know...but fuck are they a bunch of spoiled yuppy drunk frat boy asshole pieces of shit who are terrible and make me fucking sick!
flirting technique where i have no expression on my face and i make extended eye contact
even though i know many many who do, making more than 20k a year seems mythical.
pursuit of an ideology/lifestyle so strict and barren it reduces you to little more than a smiling poisonous plant
people who say they value honesty over everything are the first ones to reject you when you're  honest
when the snow melts in the alley and beneath it is a smashed dollhouse and a bunch of hypodermic needles
ideal of helping/respecting/loving people who are and have been shit on and rejected, while aggressively rejecting everyone else
culture of being such a loser tht you are genuinely upset when your favorite celebrity is mocked by someone
culture of blind support for others you perceive to be like you without any real life parallels in terms of economic class or life experience/attitude, and blind rejection of others you perceive to be unlike you based on something easily identifiable but not in any way indicative of who they are.
college writing course called 'books about a hellish dystopian end of the world scenario written by guys who don't ejaculate enough.'
free descriptor for any music journalist writing about heavy music:  'like satan's indigestion played through a speaker in his ulcer.'
anybody else get that 'weird uncle who's trying to finger your butthole' vibe from how some people write about writing, like the beauty of sentences etc?
i have a story in a polish anthology


have never and will never trust someone who maintains the approval of a large number of people.
the correct response when a bank-teller says 'lotta dog hairs in here huh?'--as he's sorting through the change you gave him to exchange for paper--is: 'yo it's cool though.'
'happy' or 'optimistic' as a negative stance since it's mostly/usually just the result of not knowing enough
that moment when something about you, or some time period in your life, changes from being something you hated to being the long set-up for a present or future success/moment and you feel a little more lost but good about it
hey when shit gets rough or things aren't going your way just group up and attack someone to defer putting attention on yourself for being a spoiled whiny unfortunate consequence of having relatively no problems and no sense of purpose in the world
PERSON and CLONE are available in argentina here's a picture


more pictures up on the instagram.  i think all of them will be up soon.
video of a group of guys at a bar eating wings and watching sports and talking, periodically cutting to a screen with a stat from the revolutionary war.

self-help book titled 'how to get through the day saying 50 words or less'